Wedding, Newborn Not Invited

[FirstTimeMumToBe0524]

Hi!

My husband and I are due to have our first baby in May. I have a good friend who is getting married in July about 3 hours away from where we live. The baby isn't invited - they'll be about 7 weeks old.

Here's where I'm unsure if I'm A) reasonable and B) realistic.

My plan was for us to drive down, bring my parents and book an Air BnB for 2 nights around a 10 min drive from the venue. I was going to drive us to the ceremony, then drive back to see the baby, go for the meal then drive back to see the baby, then go for the evening do. I'm planning on breast feeding but not exclusively.

I know she won't be best pleased at us disappearing throughout the day, but at least this way I'll be there for the key parts. She's made it very clear she'd be annoyed if we declined the invitation and bringing the baby isn't an option (which I totally respect).

Does this sound realistic and reasonable? This is our first baby so really I have no idea what it'll be like leaving them or if I'm expecting too much of myself. We're very close with my parents so the baby will know them (as much as a 7week old can know anyone!)

Thank you!

Sounds fair to me. I'm in a very similar situation in being invited to a no kids wedding in July and having a baby in May. Our solution is to not go but my friend is totally understanding of this.

I wouldn't go. I understand no children rules but newborns shouldn't count and I genuinely think mothers with newborns should be given the choice to bring baby or not.

Just don't go. Anyone who bans babes in arms from a wedding needs to accept that parents of small babies won't be able to go.

Tell her you can go and bring the baby, or not go. She chooses.

What you proposed is bonkers and, imho, probably not achievable and definitely not fun.

Providing your baby understands this then yes, it seems doable! Just be prepared for breastfeeding to take a lot longer than expected esp in the early days - it can take longer to get established if you’re mixed feeding - or for expressing not to go quite to plan. Your friend will just have to be a bit more flexible - babies are notoriously unpredictable and so it may be that it just doesn’t work out on the day.

Wow you are being overwhelmingly accomodating and I hope the bride and groom appreciate you!

If you're determined to go then think it's a good plan, as much as anything can be planned around small babies. Especially the first time before you know their temperament and what you'll be like as a mother. I didn't particularly want children, expected to be back at work after the first few months. I turned out to be someone who wouldn't let anyone look after my kids until they were two and I'm still mostly a sham 5 years later 🙈 so in this situation I'd have probably said I could go, but when the reality came to it I wouldn't have wanted to. Wouldn't have helped that most of my son's feeds lasted more than an hour when he was that age.

Hope it works out!!

I think your plan is fine. There will be other guests, its not like the bride will spend the entire time talking to you.

If she gets annoyed at you leaving to nurse the baby that she hasn't invited, she isn't a friend, so don't go.

I'd decline an invitation to a wedding that far from home with a tiny baby. The journey will take a lot longer than you anticipate with stops for feeds / nappy changes / break from the car seat. If you're breastfeeding the baby is likely to feed a lot and feeds may take a long time. If baby is late or you have a c section you might not be able to drive. A good friend would understand you declining or allow baby to attend so you could

I wouldn’t do it. If this wasn’t your first baby then I could say go for it, but honestly, you’ve no idea how things are going to pan out.

If your baby takes a bottle this sounds fine, if they're exclusively breast fed you can guarantee that they'll be feeding on routine but then. Mine would sometimes want milk every 30mins to an hour at that age and wouldn't have been able to wait for a gap in the wedding, they'd have been screaming for milk!

Your solution is good but the bride sounds completely unreasonable. I cam understand people not wanting toddlers running around screaming or paying for food for an older child who would probably rather not be there, but allowances should be made for newborns who won't cost them anymore money or take up limited spaces.

I just wouldn't go. Your friend should realise you're baby is far more important to you then her wedding

She's made it very clear she'd be annoyed if we declined the invitation

Tough tits

I agree.

What kind of Bridezalla thinks her wedding is more important than a new born to a Mum?

OP your plan doesn’t sound very workable. If your baby is late and you’ve had a c section you may not be able to drive.

I would go with the baby, in a sling, or not at all. No negotiation. 7 weeks is tiny. They will still be so dependant on you for everything. When I say you I mean very specifically Mum not another adult.

If baby was 6 months that is a different story.

7 weeks is still really early, especially if you have a c section. You might not even be able to drive at this point if you go 2 weeks over and have a c.
I would just politely decline, babes in arms are usually allowed even at children free weddings.

This plan is massively accommodating. You’ll be hopefully able to drop into the wedding here and there but it’s going to be really hard to predict. It’s hugely unreasonable not to invite newborns but to be pissy about potential declines or low attendance as a result. The absolute best you can say is that you’ll try and be there for some of it.

Watch this friend expect you to fit round her and her children when they arrive assuming that your's are fine because they are older...

I think including newborns under the "no children" rule is ridiculous and I wouldn't go if I were you.

She's made it clear she'd be annoyed if you decline, and you also think she won't be happy with you leaving frequently to feed the baby? She's an arsehole then.

I wouldn't go. Breastfeeding at that age can be time consuming, and tiring. I wouldn't want to leave my baby potentially hungry because I'm working round a bride with an inflated sense of self importance (to be clear, I'm saying that because of her annoyance. Fine to not invite babies, but don't get arsey if people therefore cannot attend or have to duck out).

As long as you don't have a section that sounds fine. I didn't breastfeed after the 1st few days because it makes life harder and prevents things like this, DS is now 10 and perfectly fine. Could you book into the hotel the wedding is at to make the trips easier.

Tbh the bride sounds completely unreasonable. Sorry if that's not helpful, but it's my main takeaway from your post.

I wouldn't go if it were me. Depends on the baby I guess. My son was mainly breastfed and had a bottle each day but it was difficult to get him to take the bottle at times and he much preferred being breastfed. I also wasn't ready to leave him at 7 weeks old and was still recovering physically myself.

Just to stick my neck on the line up for the bride here...I was a bride before I had kids, and I had no idea how difficult it was for people to leave their children/arrange childcare etc. When I said no kids I genuinely thought I was doing my friends a favour giving them a night off. I wasn't a bridezilla, I thought I was being nice. Totally totally clueless, but my heart was in the right place. Someone did ask about babes in arms, and in the end we said okay to that rather than not have the friends there. But at the time I was uneasy about that as decision. Now that I've experienced the other side I sincerely wish I'd had all the kids there, and got to spend time with my fave people and their fave people. would be a very different day.

I wouldn't go. Your plans sound exhausting for you. Seven weeks after 2 of my babies that long in the car would have been impossible.