Wedding, Newborn Not Invited

[FirstTimeMumToBe0524]

Hi!

My husband and I are due to have our first baby in May. I have a good friend who is getting married in July about 3 hours away from where we live. The baby isn't invited - they'll be about 7 weeks old.

Here's where I'm unsure if I'm A) reasonable and B) realistic.

My plan was for us to drive down, bring my parents and book an Air BnB for 2 nights around a 10 min drive from the venue. I was going to drive us to the ceremony, then drive back to see the baby, go for the meal then drive back to see the baby, then go for the evening do. I'm planning on breast feeding but not exclusively.

I know she won't be best pleased at us disappearing throughout the day, but at least this way I'll be there for the key parts. She's made it very clear she'd be annoyed if we declined the invitation and bringing the baby isn't an option (which I totally respect).

Does this sound realistic and reasonable? This is our first baby so really I have no idea what it'll be like leaving them or if I'm expecting too much of myself. We're very close with my parents so the baby will know them (as much as a 7week old can know anyone!)

Thank you!

I wouldn’t go. What kind of friend doesn’t let a mum bring a newborn to a wedding miles from their home?

Should also add that the journey is likely to take you about 6 hours as it's not safe for a baby to travel for very long in the car seat so you will need breaks and then they will also need fed which could take an hour at a time, changed etc...

If your friend cared about you, she wouldn’t be asking you to separate from your newborn baby. The relationship is not worth this much effort.

Honestly what you propose sounds fair - in reality I didn't want time away from my baby at that stage and would not have attended full stop.

My entirely breast fed baby wouldn't take a bottle at that age (well I didn't push it through fear of losing the breastfeeding for preference to the bottle) and was feeding every hour or so on demand.

She sounds like a shit friend.

Honestly- at 7 weeks I'd decline.

You might have a section
Baby might be late
Breasted baby might not take a bottle

It's a hell of a palava taking your parents with you.

To bad if she's annoyed. Expecting someone to attend without their breastfed newborn is absurd.

It sounds technically possible. But also like it will exhaust you and make you miserable and you'll barely be there anyway so friend snit still a real possibility.

With the wisdom of having had two breastfed babies and learned a thing or two about prioritising, I would not go and feel good about it.

It's hard, OP. My baby was a bit of a snacked and I couldn't have left him for hours because he would have two ounces of milk and then want more. I actually formula fed but at seven weeks I didn't trust anyone but my partner with him. And you're so tired. I probably wouldn't go (and I am not the sort of person who usually says this)

I wouldn't do all that for anyone, not my sister, not my best friend ever, not if you paid me!

And as everyone else has said, 7 weeks is peak evening colic time! Your baby will very likely be miserable and so will your parents too. At least if you are at home with a colicky baby you don't have to get dressed up and plaster on a smile. You just grit your teeth and get on with it <happy memories> and go to bed when they finally stop crying.

This. I wouldn't have been making any arrangements to be apart from my 7 week old. I'd not be going at all.

For the other side of the coin (but not entirely)
One of my friends brought her 6 week old yo our wedding, with his 3yo sibling. All the way from NE England to Northern Ireland.
I will love her forever for coming but never put any pressure on her to come and tried to make it as easy as we could for her.
He was the only newborn but we had 10, 3 and unders as we got married a bit later than most of our friends.

I feel stressed just reading this.

it definitely wouldn’t have worked with my first born. I would just politely decline and wish her a lovely day. She isn’t coming across as a very kind person or a good friend to you.

This 👆

Completely agree with @PoppingTomorrow . Just don’t go. Bride is utterly unreasonable.

I put YBU because I have absolutely no idea why you’re doing all this.

Imagine being so self centred you insist someone put your wedding before their bloody newborn, insane. Why on earth are you friends with this person?

I’d cancel, stay home and chill with your lovely baby, and let her be as annoyed as she bloody likes. What a cheek! If she has plans to have a baby at some point and is successful hope she realises what an arse she is.

We were invited to a no kids wedding when my DS was 5 weeks old, they made an exception for us and we bought him along. I wouldn't have been able to go otherwise - also I think a 3 hour drive with a 7 week old isn't ideal either!

It's a shame your friend isn't understanding at all, but I wouldn't go!

My eldest was born 2 weeks late and had to be induced even then. He had an infection, so we were in hospital for another week. It took 3 weeks of constantly trying to get a good latch and breastfeed. When I wasn't trying to breastfeed, I was pumping day and also set an alarm to pump at 2am, as my milk was flowing at that time, which helped my prodution during the day. He also had reflex for his first six months so after feeding which could take almost an hour if he was fussy, I couldn't lie him down for 45 minutes after.

So if I was feeding him, he couldn't go in the car seat until 45 minutes later. I drove almost nowhere and never longer than 30 mins for months.
If something similar happens, then you would only be in a good routine for 2 weeks before the wedding.
I was sleeping when he napped.
It was the toughest part of the whole being pregnant and giving birth process.
You may be lucky and it will be completely easy and no issue, but you don't know until you are there and in it.
I suggest you tell your friend that you could drop out at the last minute and would she prefer to know now or later?

The baby is still very new at 7 weeks, they will probably not have been far out of your sight. In theory the plan would work but it's quite a lot of pressure for you and your family. you have no idea if the baby will only settle with you, they might be terrible in the car, have bad reflux etc. If it was me I would say to her we can come with baby or not come

Like many have said I wouldn't go. Why put yourself under so much pressure for someone who is being unreasonable. You're assuming baby will arrive on time, many first time babies go over so your baby could potentially be 5 weeks and you'll likely still be recovering. I would not be driving/seating anywhere for 3 hours straight after having a baby plus so dangerous for a baby that young to be in a carseat that long. I wouldn't want to bring my newborn all that way even if they were invited to the wedding. You've time to bow out now, if shes really a good friend she will understand.

Forget it. It’ll be a nightmare and nobody will get anything out of it

I wouldn't go. Your plan sounds absolutely knackering and your friend sounds like a nightmare.