Wedding, Newborn Not Invited

[FirstTimeMumToBe0524]

Hi!

My husband and I are due to have our first baby in May. I have a good friend who is getting married in July about 3 hours away from where we live. The baby isn't invited - they'll be about 7 weeks old.

Here's where I'm unsure if I'm A) reasonable and B) realistic.

My plan was for us to drive down, bring my parents and book an Air BnB for 2 nights around a 10 min drive from the venue. I was going to drive us to the ceremony, then drive back to see the baby, go for the meal then drive back to see the baby, then go for the evening do. I'm planning on breast feeding but not exclusively.

I know she won't be best pleased at us disappearing throughout the day, but at least this way I'll be there for the key parts. She's made it very clear she'd be annoyed if we declined the invitation and bringing the baby isn't an option (which I totally respect).

Does this sound realistic and reasonable? This is our first baby so really I have no idea what it'll be like leaving them or if I'm expecting too much of myself. We're very close with my parents so the baby will know them (as much as a 7week old can know anyone!)

Thank you!

You've either got to disappoint her or disappoint yourself by hauling baby, grandparents and you on a mad post partum endurance course of a weekend.

I'd say no and risk her wrath, that honestly sounds completely unenjoyable and she's basically holding you to ransom with threatening to be annoyed. Fuck that. You could be bleeding, more exhausted than you can imagine, emotional, boobs leaking, stitches, potentially post surgery if you end up with a section and that's not even factoring in the newborn.

It's an invitation I'd be declining. Tough shit, the world doesn't orbit around her wedding, but you will need to give yourself a bit of grace in that period and saying no thankyou would be the best way to do it. Your future self will thank you.

I went out to lunches and things at that age, leaving DD with a trusted person. And did some long journeys and stayed in hotels. And it was completely fine. So I think it's definitely do-able in principle and you might really enjoy it.

HOWEVER

You might just not fancy it... would you pal be ok if you were a late notice no-show? I think you'll be a bit of a flake risk at that stage... you might just really not want to go when the time comes.

Also, remember, if your baby is say, 10 days "late" she'll only be 5 weeks old.

I'm slightly annoyed on your behalf at the friend saying she'll be annoyed if you don't go. It's quite entitled!

Wow the bride not allowing you to bring the baby and making it clear she'll be annoyed if you decline because you have a newborn is absolutely nuts. This would potentially be friendship ending for me, but let's give her the benefit of the doubt and say she really just doesn't get it.

Your plan could work if your newborn will accept a bottle (it's not uncommon to reject bottles), but it sounds exhausting for you and potentially very upsetting for your newborn to be separated from you. On the other hand it might be absolutely fine, but it's a gamble and you won't really know until much closer to the time whether it's feasible.

I'd really only do this for an incredibly close friend, but I'd be pretty pissy about the lack of consideration from them and potentially decline all of it.

A compromise could be that you just go for the ceremony and the meal?

I wouldn't go, and if Bridezilla has a problem with that, then she's not much of a friend.

Do not do this! A 7 week old breastfeeding baby is most likely going to want feeding around the clock. This sounds so stressful and she is being sooooo unreasonable if she gets annoyed you don’t go.

Ive been invited to a wedding when my baby is 8 weeks old and when they said no children not even babies it’s been a straight away no Sorry I can’t come from me.

I assume she hasn’t got kids yet? If I was you, I’d probably not go.

Your plan is insane. Leave baby with GPs and bottles and go or decline the invitation. Or at least that’s what I’d normally say. In your case you’re dealing with a self centred bridezilla so definitely decline, she’s not worth the effort when she clearly doesn’t give a shit about you.

I wouldn't have left mine, but they exclusively breast fed at least every 2 hours, I'd be fine about the travel and did go to a wedding with dd at 10 weeks old, they didn't do the child free thing 25 years ago

I don't think she'll notice! Though I'd skip the evening do personally.

The expense and the faffing, no bloody way would I bother!

She said she would be annoyed if you declined the invitation - and you have a newborn? What kind of friend is that? I would decline the invitation and enjoy staying at home with your newborn. Running back and forth throughout the day is unnecessary stress for you.

Someone who has their child free wedding 300 miles away from where you live a few weeks after you’ve had your first baby and who tells you they’ll not be impressed if you don’t go is not a great friend! You’re bending over backwards working out how to cope and are worried about what she’ll say about you popping in and out. Don’t bother! Stay at home and concentrate on your baby. It will be a really unenjoyable experience.

I always wonder what these self centred bridzillas are like when they themselves have babies.

I wouldn't go, on the basis that she has made it clear she will be annoyed, essentially guilt tripping you.

Not a friend.

Why would you even give a moments thought to this? Just decline. It'd be a shame to put so much effort in for some woman who doesn't care about you.

It's dangerous for infants to be in car seats for more than a certain time period as it restricts their breathing. So you'd have to take a lot of breaks, cause yourself a load of hassle and expense, for absolutely no reason.

This! No friend of mine would do this. I wouldn’t go.

I simply wouldn't attend. If she gets offended then oh well - no great loss as she sounds like a twat

I wouldn’t go. Babies in arms should be exempt and your mate is an idiot and selfish to boot if she can’t see that.

Honestly it's not worth all the hassle and stress, you'll have a new baby and really the last thing you'll want to be thinking about is going away to a wedding! Decline!

Setting aside the fact that your friend is being incredibly unfair to you in expecting you to be apart from your newborn, in my opinion it’s totally unfair on the baby to be apart from its mother at such a young age unless necessary (eg mum is in hospital).

I wouldn't go. She can be annoyed all she likes. I doubt you'll want to go when the time comes so best to say no now.

Babes in arms should absolutely be allowed. I wouldn't have even left mine at nine months for a wedding if I'm being honest.
Guarantee you when she has children of her own she'll be expecting people to bend over backwards to accommodate.

Why on earth should so many people be inconvenienced because she worn allow a newborn at her wedding???

I wouldn't go, that will be very very difficult day for you (even if things go to plan which they rarely do). I doubt your friend will ever realise or appreciate that.

I went to a wedding with my two week old firstborn and away on holiday with a five day old 2nd born so im willing to try and make things work out for others....but no, I would not even consider what you are suggesting.

You sound like a good friend and a lovely person by the way!

I just wouldn’t go at all, what if you go past your due date, have a c section or god forbid you or the baby is poorly it would make a difficult situation impossible. I had 2 children I was in hospital for 6 days after my first and out 6 hrs after the birth of my second. You just don’t know how it’s going to go. Most weddings need to have confirmed numbers in good time so better to say no now and not risk having to cancel at the last minute. I’m not sure how appropriate a 3hr car journey is for a 7 week old anyway?

There nothing at all wrong with wanting no babies at a wedding as for the I’ll take it out as soon as it cry’s brigade it’s too late it already made a disturbance
what is wrong is a shitty attitude when they refuse the invite

I think people who are so entitled to think there baby should automatically come are the as you describe “ biatch “

My 7 week old screamed when she wasn’t directly attached to me.

That’s all I really remember about that period as I was absolutely knackered.

I wouldn’t have been up for a wedding, especially not one with that much fucking about after already having been up every 2 hours in the night to feed (and this was a bottle fed baby!)

Tbh the 3 hour drive would put me off... its going to be more like 4 or 5 with a newborn if you're lucky!

If you MUST go - I wouldn't, I'd tell the bride that DH will sit out the ceremony with the baby, but you will need to have the baby in a wrap for the meal/reception, and leav le early into the evening. If bride won't accept this then don't go.

Realistically unless you have the perfect birth and decide to entirely bottle feed I can't imagine how this will work out well for you or the baby.