Babysitting rules

[Freckleface24]

So yesterday we left my Baby with my
MIL. My baby is 14 weeks and I'll only leave her if it's an absolute must. Yesterday my partner and I had a meeting about our wedding (1hr) and we couldn't take baby with us so left her with MIL. She's only ever had her 1 other time so I was expecting her to just feed her , play with her a bit and if need be change a nappy. All these things can be done downstairs. Instead when we came to pick her up she said she took her upstairs to "show her around". I was abit annoyed by this because they have a really steep marble staircase and I felt really uncomfortable about her carrying my baby up and down those stairs for no reason other than a silly idea of her wanting to show the baby her dads old room. The baby is 14 weeks old so obviously isn't going to understand this. My partner thinks I was being over dramatic and silly so ovb turned into a massive argument with him. AIBU for feeling that when I'm not there I don't really want people carrying my baby up and down steep staircases for no valid reason. The more I think about it , she either came down holding banister and baby with one hand or holding baby with 2 hands and not holding the banister. I don't know what's worse. I'd like to say something to her but my partner has said don't even dare tell his mum off for something so silly. Also I'm still feeling angry at her as the other day she didn't wash her hands after using the bathroom and then held my baby. My partner says I'm too picky but I feel that there was no reason to take baby up and down steep stairs and re the washing hands issue. Ofc I'm annoyed it's extremely unhygienic and puts me in a really awkwardly situation about her holding my baby.

Definitely do not insist that husband moans at his Mum for such a minor reason. MIL has feelings as well . Yes not washing hands annoying ,but the stairs really is a non issue.

Thank you. It's not easy at the moment but with time I'll get there I guess. MIL is a loving and kind women who loves my baby very much but also sometimes forgets to think before she does things which doesn't help with my anxiety. Thanks for your comment

She hasnt done anything wrong. This is your anxiety about leaving your baby. It gets easier. She's just comforting her walking around the house. Talking to her. Soothing her.

YaBu

Oh ffs unclench. You're in for a right old load of stress if you let stuff like this bother you.

Why on earth would this lead to an argument with your husband?🙄

I had really awful post natal anxiety with my 1st baby, even though 25 years ago now I can still remember how it felt. I get it.

I am sure you'll find things ease as time goes on.

YABU, I'm all for rules around what they can eat, how and when they sleep etc, but you can't control everything caring for your child will do throughout the day. "Showing the baby around" is completely normal thing to do, if you don't trust her to carry your baby on the stairs, you shouldn't have her watch such a young kid in the first place.

I'm with your husband on this. Jeez

Yeah, this is your anxiety getting the better of you. At three months old they are a bit more robust than a brand new newborn and both of mine loved being “shown the house” (according to MIL) which is probably nonsense from MIL but extremely harmless. The stairs wouldn’t have even crossed my mind unless she was disabled and struggled with stairs normally.

Lack of hand washing is a little grim but again, I’d let it go. Mainly due to the fact that I now have a second child and thanks to her two year old brother, has drank bath water he’s weed in, had his grubby hands in her eyes and mouth and has been fed all his germy leftovers when I’ve turned my back for half a second. Kids are truly revolting and you have probably only another couple of months before yours starts licking the floor.

Honestly, try not to worry. I do understand because my eldest was very poorly when he was born and I know how debilitating anxiety can be but it gets easier and easier I promise.

I know having a small baby in stressful, and you may be suffering from anxiety - it's quite common, treatable and nothing to be ashamed of.

Because surely you know that hovering outside the toilet listening to a grown adult and then pulling them up on whether or not they wash their hands, is bordering on domestic abuse (not if you just did it this once, but certainly if you do it regularly to this woman) - its utterly invasive (how dare you deliberately listen to her using the toilet?) and humiliating and must make her feel horrible about herself. How on earth would you feel if someone humiliated you and invaded your privacy in this disgusting way? (Sorry, I don't mean to be harsh but the thought of it does make me very angry on behalf of this poor elderly woman).

However much she hates it, your MIL can't cut you off, can she, because she wants to see her son and her baby.....

PLEASE try to think about how dreadful you must be making this woman feel with your invasive scrutiny and criticism. I know you are stressed and feel anxious, but you are not the only person in the world with feelings.....

Your feelings are totally normal, but unreasonable. Everyone is unreasonable sometimes with regards to our babies so the snarky commenters should take a look at themselves first!

How old is your Mil Op?

I think you misread my post. I wasn't waiting outside listening to her. That would indeed be crazy. I was waiting to use the bathroom myself (didn't realize she was in there) and just waited outside to go in. She's hardly an elderly woman at 59 and is quite open about not washing hands for just a quick pee and germs are good ect. Listening outside the door would indeed be crazy. Which I'm not, but did watch my baby fight an infection when she was born so I do expect close family members to wash their hands when handling her as they really do know what we went through. Bad hygiene is something that bothers me and I did speak to my husband out it first before her because I don't want to hurt her and maybe it would be better coming from him than me so I don't come across as disrespectful or embarrass her but at 59 years old not washing your hands after using the toielt and picking up a baby is abit much. Thanks for your concern but that really wasn't the point of my post

Yep, I wrote this post because I do realize now that my concern about the stairs was infact coming from the severe post natal anxiety I am suffering from at the moment. I wanted feedback to help me understand whether I was being too worried for nothing or whether there are others who would have felt the same. I see that almost everyone has disagreed with me and so I'm now aware of it. I can talk about these feelings with professional support

Yabu. And btw its totally hormones. I used to be like this and now totally regret it.
Whats the saying- don't bite your nose off to spite your face?

Don't lose a babysitter for this. You'll totally be dying for childcare later on

I talked to my MIL about my anxiety and expressed how I was struggling and I needed her support to help me through it. Tell her your worries, and her her to reassure you that actually it's ok. Apart from washing her hands that's just gross

I agree with this. Explain your anxiety and why you might appear overprotective at times and I’m sure she’ll take that into consideration. I did this and everybody was kind and supportive.

What a crock of shit.

OP. Yes you’re being U about MIL and stairs.

PP is completely U about leaving a baby with family.

I posted here looking for support as I'm currently trying to learn the difference between normal worries with a newborn and when I'm being overly anxious for nothing. Point taken im worrying over nothing, but trust me no one has to brace their selves for anything. Yes I get that maybe she didn't do anything wrong by showing the baby round but someone suffering from severe post natal anxiety my brain starts picturing something terrible happening.

Gently - you over reacted. You possibly have pnd. Many mums do. It's nothing to be shamed about. Speak to doctors hv partner and get help

This platform is meant to be for advice and support not insults.

You don't know mn very well. Yes you can can great help and support on here (I did when my dh died) but equally when some posts are obviously over reacted - you will get the black /white vipers of mn replying

Which can be hard to read if you are feeling fragile

If you want hun, roses and kisses you need to go to netmums not Mumsnet 💐

Did your dh never get taken upstairs as a baby?

I agree with this. Let's be honest, it can be hard to pass time with babies. They don't do much! I have very clear memories of walking my babies around from room to room showing them things. She was just doing this. She obviously feels fine going up and down stairs. I assume you take your baby up and down stairs several times a day?! It's perfectly normal.
Your MIL was kind to look after the baby.

YABU and totally ridiculous.

I completely agree with your DH that you should not say anything, your MIL hasn't done anything wrong and I can totally see why your DH would be annoyed with YOU.

You need help dealing with your anxiety, this is a you problem.

YABU, believe it or not she has actually carried a small baby up and down stairs before - more than you have at this point.
The hands - meh, unless her hands were plastered in her own shit I doubt very much it would cause harm.

Typical intolerance to Mother in Laws.

My piece of advice to you is write this stuff down because you are going to find it really hilarious a couple of decades from now 😆