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Original poster

Husbands ex wife is a control freak

269 replies

HHN · 04/01/2024 22:04

So my husband has a daughter from a previous relationship when he split with his ex wife she stopped him from seeing his daughter. He took her to court and set up a contact agreement she broke this after about 6 weeks. This was 5 year ago absolutely cut all contact with my husband and he’s never seen his daughter since. Two weeks ago he received a text from her asking if they could meet up and have a chat! He’s reluctant as she’s a liar she tried to make out he was on drugs and abusive at court. He done everything to prove her wrong including drug tests. She just done and said all this to purely hurt him. She doesn’t stick to agreements and just loves to cause trouble. Despite this I’ve tried to persuade him to reply to the text but he’s just out right refusing he thinks she’s just trying to cause trouble as she used to. But I can’t help but think maybe his daughter has asked about him and wants to get to know him even though I’ve told him this is still doesn’t want to reply to the text. Should I just leave it now or try again to persuade him? I don’t want to get too involved but also don’t want him to regret not replying.

OP posts:
Coffeespill · 06/01/2024 07:15

It's up to him

ImCamembertTheBigCheese · 06/01/2024 07:26

It is his call at the end of the day. What is a bit of 'trouble' if he gets to see his daughter? What he decides will tell you a lot about him.

BlindurErBóklausMaður · 06/01/2024 07:32

What did the courts do when she broke the legally binding order for his visitation rights?

Has he continued to support his child financially?

You say she breaks "agreements". Apart from the court order, what others has she broken if there's been no contact in 5 years?

Her side of the story, I think, would be extremely eye-opening and a lot different to what you've been told.

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ChihuahuaMummy · 06/01/2024 07:34

I would leave it with him to decide what he wants to do and not get involved if it was me.

Did he not take it back to court for enforcement when the mum breached the order after 6 weeks?

JaneAustenshandbag · 06/01/2024 07:34

My DH had a similar issue. His ex wife continually broke the court agreement and made up all sorts of accusations.

He kept going back to court to enforce the order and now has a regular contact agreement that she knows she can’t break because it could result in a change of residency. He even represented himself when it was too expensive financially. I would be asking your DH why he didn’t go back to enforce the order?

elizzza · 06/01/2024 07:39

I would leave him to make the decision. But I would also find it hard to be a relationship with someone who hadn’t seen his child for 5 years.

Unwisebutnotillegal · 06/01/2024 07:43

It sounds like he has given up fighting. If he does go he needs to meet her somewhere with top notch CCTV and record her on his phone.

DelilahBucket · 06/01/2024 07:48

I think you may find her side of the story is very different to his. I had an ex like your husband, it all came out in the end. I didn't marry him thank goodness, but I did have a child with him, and he went on to do to me what he did to his ex wife when we split up.

Vinrouge4 · 06/01/2024 08:04

Did he go back to court when she broke the agreement? He seems to have given up on his daughter quite easily.

lavenderphase · 06/01/2024 08:07

It's always the ex who is nuts and a control freak isn't it.
And somehow the father has lost all contact with their child.
It's almost like there's a script.

BloodyAdultDC · 06/01/2024 08:15

Can't see what 'trouble' she could have caused with 5 years of no contact?

I'm afraid (having spent a decade wishing my kid's dad would show some interest) that I couldn't be with a man who gave up on his dc for 5 years after the ex failing to enable contact once.

Agree with pp, I bet she has a very different tale to his OP. Were you around when he was going through all this at the time?

Scarletttulips · 06/01/2024 08:19

Wheres the proof she’s controlling?

She’s raising a DD with no support?

Not even a break every other weekend?

Does he pay child support?

If not why not?

Coconutter24 · 06/01/2024 08:20

When she broke the contract agreement after 6 weeks what happened? Did he go to court to say it had been broken did the judge say it’s ok mums know best we won’t take it further or did your DH decide his daughter wasn’t worth the effort. I find it hard to believe with a contact agreement in place then being broken a 5 year distance would follow if being fought. The fact he’s not jumping at the chance to see his daughter after 5years should tell you he’s probably made himself sound better in this situation than he actually was. Any decent parent would put their resentment of the other parent aside to see their child surely

BruceAndNosh · 06/01/2024 08:25

The ex is quite possibly finding being a single parent too much after 5+ years. How old is the child now?

BillionaireTea · 06/01/2024 08:29

Any man I would want to be with would walk over broken glass to see and support his child. Your deadbeat dude has had a 5 year holiday.

HardcoreLadyType · 06/01/2024 08:37

Like everyone else, I am amazed he did not fight more to see his daughter, and wonder what the rest of the story is.

I’m also always very suspicious of the “psycho ex” narrative.

NotYourBrain · 06/01/2024 08:40

BlindurErBóklausMaður · 06/01/2024 07:32

What did the courts do when she broke the legally binding order for his visitation rights?

Has he continued to support his child financially?

You say she breaks "agreements". Apart from the court order, what others has she broken if there's been no contact in 5 years?

Her side of the story, I think, would be extremely eye-opening and a lot different to what you've been told.

This.

Original poster
HHN · 06/01/2024 08:51

He couldn’t afford to go back to court. And she knew this! He done everything he could to see his daughter to me it’s just like he’s lost his fight. He pays child maintenance every single month on time he used to pay a lot more than he does but his ex got greedy thinking she was entitled to more so took him to the child maintenance service and the actually told him he didn’t have to pay as much. It’s all about money with his ex she knew his financial situation and used that she knew he would never of been able to afford to take her back to court to enforce the agreement

OP posts:
Original poster
HHN · 06/01/2024 08:52

He didn’t have the money to go back to court

OP posts:
Original poster
HHN · 06/01/2024 08:52

Pays every single month

OP posts:
lavenderphase · 06/01/2024 08:53

HHN · 06/01/2024 08:51

He couldn’t afford to go back to court. And she knew this! He done everything he could to see his daughter to me it’s just like he’s lost his fight. He pays child maintenance every single month on time he used to pay a lot more than he does but his ex got greedy thinking she was entitled to more so took him to the child maintenance service and the actually told him he didn’t have to pay as much. It’s all about money with his ex she knew his financial situation and used that she knew he would never of been able to afford to take her back to court to enforce the agreement

So in 5 years he couldn't raise the cash for a court application? He couldn't represent himself?

Sorry but bullshit. If he really gave a shit about his kid he would have found a way.

He sounds great, what a catch for you!

Youcancallmeirrelevant · 06/01/2024 08:54

HHN · 06/01/2024 08:52

He didn’t have the money to go back to court

I'm sorry but i would take out whatever loans i needed to see my child.

He hasn't seen his child for 5 years...he's telling you a lot about his character there

MortyMort · 06/01/2024 08:56

My friend got with a man who had exactly the same story, pretty much word for word.

I gently suggested to her that he was probably lying, as all the “but she won’t let me see my kids/pretended I was on drugs/couldn’t afford court” ones usually are. She believed him though.

Two years later - they split after he became abusive, turned out to have a drink problem, and tried to crash a car she was in (as he found out she was planning to leave).

For goodness sake, open your eyes.

”He couldn’t afford” to go back to court is just nonsense.

IdealisticCynic · 06/01/2024 08:57

So he didn’t enforce a contact order he claims he fought hard to get, suddenly stopped trying to fight to see his child 6 weeks after he apparently had his rights upheld by the Court and now won’t respond to his ex wife, even if that might result in seeing his child? Hmmmm.

How can you possibly believe him?

MortyMort · 06/01/2024 08:57

HHN · 06/01/2024 08:52

Pays every single month

Child Maintenance Service ordered and paying the legal minimum? What a catch.