Husbands ex wife is a control freak

[HHN]

So my husband has a daughter from a previous relationship when he split with his ex wife she stopped him from seeing his daughter. He took her to court and set up a contact agreement she broke this after about 6 weeks. This was 5 year ago absolutely cut all contact with my husband and he’s never seen his daughter since. Two weeks ago he received a text from her asking if they could meet up and have a chat! He’s reluctant as she’s a liar she tried to make out he was on drugs and abusive at court. He done everything to prove her wrong including drug tests. She just done and said all this to purely hurt him. She doesn’t stick to agreements and just loves to cause trouble. Despite this I’ve tried to persuade him to reply to the text but he’s just out right refusing he thinks she’s just trying to cause trouble as she used to. But I can’t help but think maybe his daughter has asked about him and wants to get to know him even though I’ve told him this is still doesn’t want to reply to the text. Should I just leave it now or try again to persuade him? I don’t want to get too involved but also don’t want him to regret not replying.

Bitches be crazy, amirite??

Yeah, this. At some point in the past 5 years the two of you apparently found the money for a wedding. If I was prevented from seeing my kids I would be spending every single penny on fighting it.

He couldn't afford a few hundred quid on court fees for 5 years? (No solicitor needed)
That's sickening. He should have got a second job, or a third job and worked day and night to afford the court fees. That's the most pathetically bare minimum thing the most basic decent parent would do.
Your bloke is utter shit.

He saved money on the CSA claim but hasn’t used this to enforce access?
In answer to your question, no don’t encourage him to contact his ex, their daughter is better off without him.

I'm confused, he's had the money to remarry, have three more kids and to enable you to be a SAHM

Yet doesnt have the money to regain contact with his first kid

Sure sure

Christ, really? He had no business reproducing even once after he chose to discard his first kid. What an utter scumbag, its awful that specimens like this actually appeal to women.

Jeez!

If he represents himself, it's not too expensive. I think the court application is £215 or free if on a low income. It's when solicitors are used it gets expensive.

I’d love to hear the other side of this…

Erm money or no money he can represent himself to a judge so that's no excuse! He has decided to take the easy option and do nothing so don't blame the ex for that one. And 5 years no contact cmon that ain't no trouble making ex. You sound very much like you believe what your being told. Anyhow it's for him to sort out

Given he’s contributed precisely nothing beyond the maintenance to the child’s life, it’s ridiculous to try to paint the ex as just out for money.

His story is full of holes. He got a CAO but she broke it within 6 weeks, with claims about him using drugs and being unfit to see the child. And he did… nothing for 5 years.

self-representation is not expensive. He could have found the money he needed. Especially if he was asking for enforcement of an order he’d already gained.

Maybe he doesn’t want to get involved because he did choose to abandon the child.

I just had a look at one of OPs other threads, this man is a deadbeat to his other three kids as well. What a surprise.
All very well to be fuming against the man's ex, but take the blinders off and realise you've fucked up hugely by picking this man.
Ranting about a lone parent online is just embarrassing yourself.

I know people get sniffy about looking back at people's posts but this is a situation where it's very useful.

I don't think we should be wasting our time advising on this because the guy is clearly a shitty dad and the OP is supporting him to be.

I've been in family courts for years. Self represented and never paid a penny. Any decent parent would fight like hell to see their kids. He gave up.

I agree I would encourage him to respond. However I’d suggest asking her to email me with some more detail about what she wants to discuss. That way you have a paper trail of it and can judge if you want to meet. It’s a lot more manageable to have communication in writing with someone difficult.

He could go back to court and represent himself? There are some guides online to doing this and many judges tend to be understanding of a person representing themselves.

The original order (if there even was one!) may well have been instigated by the ex in the mistaken belief that it would do anything to make him step up.

Or it’s possible that he pursued it just to upset his ex and, having convinced the courts that he should have unsupervised contact despite his drug use, he had ‘won’. He wasn’t interested in the boring bits of actually doing the contact and looking after a child on his own.

The fact he’s been paying CMS is neither here nor there. They will take it from him at source if necessary.

He could have used some of the overpayment was was making to fund extra court dates....

Sorry OP, sadly too often these men massively overstate their efforts. His ex may well have been hostile - sounds like he was a bit of a loser so can understand why - but he's a bit pathetic isn't he?

It's up to your husband whether he responds to the contact from his ex, but he seems to have given up on his daughter very easily. Is he like that about other things?

He already took out loans that’s his still paying off now

Yep my dad payed

You sound lovely thanks

Thankyou for your reply. I might suggest to him about sending a email asking for more information. It’s not my decision to make however if it was I know I wouldn’t think twice about responding

Loving the automatic assumption that the bloke is the issue here and that banks will throw money at people in loans for court...farcical.

My dp tried to fight to keep his kid but his exw did a literal moonlight flit and moved over 200 miles away to be with the guy she cheated with. She has been and is vile. I have seen the evidence and been party to her behaviour. Men are not always the issue.

@HHN tread carefully, it is likely that he will have built a strong wall to protect himself from emotions surrounding the situation. I would be supportive of his decision but point out carefully the pitfalls, I.e. her using it to spin it to their dd that he doesn't care etc. His silence may play into her hands as much as a response does.

Ultimately it is his decision, but I personally agree with you that he should respond. I would make sure all correspondence is written and any "meet up" is independently witnessed by someone not directly involved.

What if the child is ill? She might need his medical information.
What if she wants a new partner to adopt the child?
What if she wants to move abroad?
Lots of questions and not all are money related.

That’s alot of ‘what if she’ that’s the thing with her she thinks the world revolves around her and everyone should do what she wants.