Husbands ex wife is a control freak

[HHN]

So my husband has a daughter from a previous relationship when he split with his ex wife she stopped him from seeing his daughter. He took her to court and set up a contact agreement she broke this after about 6 weeks. This was 5 year ago absolutely cut all contact with my husband and he’s never seen his daughter since. Two weeks ago he received a text from her asking if they could meet up and have a chat! He’s reluctant as she’s a liar she tried to make out he was on drugs and abusive at court. He done everything to prove her wrong including drug tests. She just done and said all this to purely hurt him. She doesn’t stick to agreements and just loves to cause trouble. Despite this I’ve tried to persuade him to reply to the text but he’s just out right refusing he thinks she’s just trying to cause trouble as she used to. But I can’t help but think maybe his daughter has asked about him and wants to get to know him even though I’ve told him this is still doesn’t want to reply to the text. Should I just leave it now or try again to persuade him? I don’t want to get too involved but also don’t want him to regret not replying.

That doesn't add up, five years he had the chance to self represent and while not able to see his first born went on to have more children?

I think you are being hoodwinked. Would you leave fighting for your child ? I know I wouldn't nor would their father.

The thing is, this man is essentially opting out of parenting with his current partner, that's where I remembered her username from

So if he's opting out of parenting with his current children it's a fair guess that his "crazy ex" isn't the crazy one after all

So he took her to court initially and she broke the court order?

Were there no consequences for that?

Does he have proof that it was her who broke the court order?

If what he is saying is true then I understand his hesitation.

She sounds like the type of person to stop contact randomly again and that is a lot to deal with.

I would give him some time to digest it and to advise him to see what she wants and try and start a relationship with his DD, so she knows she is wanted and loved.

Many men will claim that the mother has stopped them from seeing their child, this does happen but it is extremely rare.
Why would anyone choose to be a single parent when they could get weekends to themselves etc.

So I’m always very suspicious when I hear about how a parent has refused contact, but it does happen sometimes.

We can't see who you are replying to

I don't understand why he didn't enforce the order. I self represented multiple times in court, it's not difficult. I can't imagine missing that many years of my child's life. You can't force him to reply but I couldn't be with a man who didn't fight for his child.

Maybe her world and her kids come first to her. I don't think there's anything wrong with that but your DH needs to step up and find the money to go to court if he wants to see his kid. He needs to fight.

He didn't need money. He could have represented himself like my son in law did.
Hi ex refused him visitation for a year after they split when the child was a baby. He is now 7 years old and its 50/50

I've also self represented. If he had already been to court and through the process once it would have been easy to self represent. To give up after just 6 weeks of his ex not sticking to the order is pathetic. He just couldn't be bothered.

And if he has three children living with him and a low wage, I bet his maintenance payments are so low as to be almost useless to his ex.

And your suggestion when the NRP is on MW is??

OP made a big deal that he's been paying maintenance. My point is just that it's probably neither here nor there to his ex and she's been raising a child without any meaningful input from him for 5 years.

But I thought there had been no contact for 5 years?

Absolutely no way would I marry a man who was prepared to spend money on a wedding rather than going to court for access to his child, having dc with a man like this is crazy.

I didn’t make a big deal some one asked the question and I answered

He didn’t pay for the wedding my dad did not that this has anything to do with the op

Yes that’s correct there hasn’t

I wouldn’t say the amount is useless at all it’s a considerable amount of money payed every single month.

She had stopped and started contact loads of times before going to court it wasn’t fair on anyone involved especially not the child who would always get upset when leaving her dad. Yes he has proof and I totally understand it’s a lot for him to go through For contact just to stop when ever she pleases his mental health took a big hit after going through the court process so I guess he’s probably scared of the effects it’s going to have on him if he gets to see her and then it’s stopped again. I still do really think he should respond to the email but I don’t want to put pressure on him to do so

@HHN He could have asked your dad to lend him the money for a solicitor, whoever paid for the wedding money has been spent in the last five years that could have been used for court action. Holidays, cars, furniture decorating, three more children to feed ....

It's relevant because it's a reflection of his priorities.

He's been feeding you a line, playing the victim.

There’s only so much one person can take though I suppose. After years of starting and stopping contact he thought after going to court it would be final and she wouldn’t be able to stop but just 6 weeks later he was back to square one.

Me too. A man who can’t be bothered with a bit of hassle to see his child is not a man who is going to stick around through thick and thin.

I don't believe anyone goes to the family courts without it taking a toll on their MH. That isn't an excuse not to keep on trying for contact. How can it be a worse toll on someone's MH than walking away from a child and having no contact in 5 years?

So we put our life on hold so his ex can start and stop contact when ever she pleases and he has to repeatedly go back to court? He got himself into debt, his parents in to debt he spent a fortune on court to see his child where do you draw the line? He sends birthday & Christmas money and cards to his daughter every single year his ex accepts them but won’t allow him to have any contact. She just loves to play god with her child’s life

I’m not sure I’ve never personally had to go through that however I’ve see the effect it’s has

It’s not just a bit of hassle though. You’ve got no idea of the things she’s said and put him through it’s all in black and white in a file in his wardrobe