Husbands ex wife is a control freak

[HHN]

So my husband has a daughter from a previous relationship when he split with his ex wife she stopped him from seeing his daughter. He took her to court and set up a contact agreement she broke this after about 6 weeks. This was 5 year ago absolutely cut all contact with my husband and he’s never seen his daughter since. Two weeks ago he received a text from her asking if they could meet up and have a chat! He’s reluctant as she’s a liar she tried to make out he was on drugs and abusive at court. He done everything to prove her wrong including drug tests. She just done and said all this to purely hurt him. She doesn’t stick to agreements and just loves to cause trouble. Despite this I’ve tried to persuade him to reply to the text but he’s just out right refusing he thinks she’s just trying to cause trouble as she used to. But I can’t help but think maybe his daughter has asked about him and wants to get to know him even though I’ve told him this is still doesn’t want to reply to the text. Should I just leave it now or try again to persuade him? I don’t want to get too involved but also don’t want him to regret not replying.

So we just put out life on hold until his ex decides he can have stable contact with out having to constantly go to court? Not sure what me being a sahm has to do with the original question of should I just keep out of it or try and persuade him 🫠

Thanks for your reply to the original question I was asking!

No, he puts his life on hold whilst he pursues legal action to get access to his child before he has anymore children. There's no WE here. He was already a dad with a responsibility to his child that he should have put first before he had more kids.

It's staggering you can't see that and keep arguing how unfair it would have been if you put your life on hold.

You being a SAHM to 3 kids and then wailing he doesn't have money for legal representation is so hypocritical.

Some of the replies 😂😂😂😂 I’m starting to think a lot of the people commenting on this thread have kids who they don’t allow to see their other parent. A load of people who think using there children as weapons is ok

I'm a step mum and a 2nd wife. Have been for 20 years. We also have 2 kids together. Been to hell and back with the ex.

No projection here.

You just don't like what I'm saying 😂😂😂

She doesn’t want to. Maintaining the myth that her husband is the poor, victim of his evil ex is clearly psychologically important to her.

That’s why she wants women on MN to all pile on and talk about those evil single mothers who deny men contact with their children etc.

She doesn’t even think it’s weird that her husband has apparently shown her a 5+ year old dossier of unequivocal evidence about how evil his ex is. But he hasn’t paid £230 and shown that evidence to a court. Nope.

She certainly is not going to ask pertinent questions about why there was a contact centre involved at all. And how exactly the ex managed to just stop the contact with all the professional involvement that might entail.

It is unbelievably hard for women to avoid their abusive ex partners getting unsupervised contact with their shared children. The red flags are a-waving when the parental alienation by a nasty woman already involves supervised contact in a contact centre, a CAO and still there’s been no contact for 5 years.

He did put his life on hold for 4 years backwards and forwards to court. It’s not like he walked out on his oldest and we had a child the week later. He had contact with his daughter before we had our oldest so not only does my partner miss his daughter my son also misses his sister. So it’s absolutely is WE

And he’d have even less money for court if I went to work and we paid for childcare so again not sure what me being a sahm has to do with it? Are we a bit jealous? You certainly sound it

Nope, doesn't wash I'm afraid. Four years is nothing when it's your own child.

He went on to have two more kids, so clearly had no intention of putting HIS life on hold at the expense of seeing his daughter.

You don’t know the woman. Nor do you know anything about her parenting.

It is somewhat concerning if this is how you describe a stranger you claim to feel nothing towards.

Maybe some of us know decent men who have been through the ordeal of being prevented from seeing their kids but are actually good parents and have done whatever it took to be able to see them again.

Maybe we are married to decent men who are brilliant fathers and we just know they would never in a million years be kept away from their kids, anymore than we would be kept away from our kids as mothers.

But sure, believe another bullshit narrative to make yourself feel better.

Because some mothers are absolutely disgusting and use their children as weapons. I’m not sure why you’ve even commented to be honest why not just scroll passed if your not going to answer the question asked?

And maybe some just come on here and comment to make themselves feel better that they’ve used their children as weapons.

And how do you no I no nothing about her parenting?

I don’t think anyone is projecting here I think they are surprised you’re so gullible. How can someone be controlling when they haven’t done anything in over 5 years. There is no way he could not find £200 in the last 5 years. Guessing he didn’t buy you an engagement ring or wedding ring then and your dad paid for that too. He is clearly a deadbeat loser but you are determined not to see this. How does your first child miss a sibling they could only have met when under 3? I have not been in this situation as married to a normal man with a teenager and no drama. Hope you take the rose tinted specs off one day. As for advice, I wouldn’t bother trying to convince him to reply as the child is better off without him and if it’s true what people have said about your previous threads your children are probably better off without him too.

Jealous 😂😂

Yeah, I'm really jealous of you being a SAHM to 3 kids with a prince of a man who can't be bothered with them or his daughter.

Seriously is that all you take from what I'm saying? is that the limit of your critical thinking? There's none as blind as those who cannot see.

I repeat what I said earlier, probably best you leave the poor kid alone.

Exactly and you have got no guarantee that this woman is not going to continue to use her daughter as a weapon

Those on here who say their men when to the ends of the earth for access are exactly the ones who experience the weekly dramas of the ex and the angry child who is being continually used by the angry mother to cause chaos when they visit their father.

It’s very common. The stories on here mean I will never ever ever be a step parent. No way.

Id let sleeping dogs lie.

The other side says the woman has changed and the child has asked to see her father. That’s great but do people really change? If she didn’t care about her daughter having a father 5 years ago why does she care now?!

I can see his point - he tried, he was nearly broken by her, he has been deprived of his daughter all these years and probably carries trauma around over it all.

Because your husband - and you - have had no contact with the child in half a decade.

There is nothing more depressing than aggressive misogyny based on the account of an absent father who you KNOW to be a pathetically lazy father to the children you’ve had with him.

it is much easier to burn the witch than recognise you picked a dud.

Again he had contact with his daughter well after we already had children together. We had children and she stopped him from seeing his daughter after that so it’s not like he had more children when he had one he didn’t see. He absolutely did see his daughter she’s met all of her siblings the youngest 2 were too young to remember her but my oldest definitely remembers her. She’s been on holiday with us, stayed at our home 2 nights a week when contact rarely happened none of this would have been granted by the court if my husband was the man some of these people commenting are trying to make out.

How can you if he hasnt seen the child in five years?

I wish this was true but unfortunately I know a lot about his ex’s parenting purely based on the fact she doesn’t allow contact. In my eyes that’s not a good mother

His daughter is 12 he’s only been cut out the last 5 year

Stay out of it. From what you have said, he’s a pretty “hands off” (absent) father at the best of times, and in the event that shared PR comes out of this, you’re going to end up looking after a confused and (rightfully) upset tween/teen girl who wants to know why her Dad is nowhere to be seen at weekends and her stepmother is the only person she sees on his weekends.

Yeah I get that and that’s exactly how he feels he was broken and he’s missed out on so much and he knows that but nothing he ever done was ever good enough. I just keep think that I would jump at the chance but saying that I’ve never been in his shoes so if I’d been through what he has would I still say the same.

You’re just so hung up on me being a sahm when that has nothing to do with the op. You seem to think you know it all.