Husbands ex wife is a control freak

[HHN]

So my husband has a daughter from a previous relationship when he split with his ex wife she stopped him from seeing his daughter. He took her to court and set up a contact agreement she broke this after about 6 weeks. This was 5 year ago absolutely cut all contact with my husband and he’s never seen his daughter since. Two weeks ago he received a text from her asking if they could meet up and have a chat! He’s reluctant as she’s a liar she tried to make out he was on drugs and abusive at court. He done everything to prove her wrong including drug tests. She just done and said all this to purely hurt him. She doesn’t stick to agreements and just loves to cause trouble. Despite this I’ve tried to persuade him to reply to the text but he’s just out right refusing he thinks she’s just trying to cause trouble as she used to. But I can’t help but think maybe his daughter has asked about him and wants to get to know him even though I’ve told him this is still doesn’t want to reply to the text. Should I just leave it now or try again to persuade him? I don’t want to get too involved but also don’t want him to regret not replying.

Can’t believe he doesn’t see his own child and isn’t jumping at this. Not sure i could be with someone like that.

So in 5 years he hasn’t had £230 it costs to go to court. Nah, I bet he has spent loads more than that on alcohol. Just shows what’s important to him.

I’m confused.

Apparently he fought to see his child. No contact for 5 years. Now she has text. Why the hesitation with replying?

This is what I have said to him. If it was me I feel like I would have jumped at the chance. But then I haven’t been through what he has and I don’t know his ex like he does so who am I force him into doing something that isn’t right for him

Nahhhh.

Imagine if someone had taken YOUR kids and you knew they were out there.

And you were of sound mind, not on drugs, not too mentally ill to get on with life... Just nahhhhh. He's a wrongun. Because how could you not see your kid for FIVE YEARS, and think you were Billy Big Bollocks for sending birthday cards and a few legally-required quid a month?

He doesn’t want to start all her mind games again I guess. She’s probably split up with one of her many boyfriends and is bored and wants to cause some drama that’s what she enjoys to do

You really hate her don’t you?

Well he doesn’t think he’s billy big bollocks does he. But if I was so sure I didn’t want someone in my child’s life I definitely wouldn’t be accepting birthday cards I’d be sending them back. And £350 a month is hardly a ‘few quid’

No not at all I don’t know her so

So he's not too poor to go to court then

He cannot be simultaneously paying a considerable amount of CMS, and supporting three children and a stay at home mum and still have been unable to pay £230 at any point in the last 5 years

.Honestly just let him get on with it.
The ex doesn’t want him involved and he doesn’t really either. The child will be better served having a benign non relationship than an argumentative battle. Keep the door wide open and throw the maintenance ( cards, letter etc) through.

It will only be 5 years or so when the child will be able to say and implement what they want. Of course they’ve every chance they won’t want him, a stranger in their lives but if he hasn’t got the fight, that’s the option..

First wives' club here hurling abuse, predictably.

Never mind the truth, let's abuse the father.

So let’s get this straight.

He can afford to pay £350 a month for one child, has three other children, his wife is a SAHM, but he doesn’t have enough money to go back to court?

I’m never sure whether to think that some people are just stupid or gullible.

For some reason Advance search doesn’t work for me so I’m unable to see previous threads, but from what others here are saying the OP has a posting history which already suggests this individual is a loser. And yet she still chooses to believe the narative that he’s spun her about why he couldn’t be bothered to see his child for five years.

Because let’s be honest here. There is no other reason in this instance than that he couldn’t be bothered.

I know men whose ex’s have prevented them from seeing the kids. Who have gone back to court time and time and time again and who have ultimately won. No man who actually wanted a relationship with his child would simply give up after six weeks. Not one.

OP he’s lying. 100%. And when you see the light and leave him he won’t bother with your kids either.

Then why are you writing things like you are about her, proper attacking and denigrating her.

If the father hasn’t bothered to see his child for five years then the only person to blame is, yep, you’ve guessed it, the father.

No-one has denied that there are women out there who have prevented their ex’s from seeing their children. But there is a difference between the man whose ex stops him from seeing the kids and who continually goes to court, does everything in their power to see them, and one who just holds up his hands and says “ok, I’ll just accept that and won’t bother to see my child again.”

Do people really find it so hard to acknowledge the difference? Or are the “first wives club” brigade married to similar deadbeats who have no relationships with their children.

If this had been written 20 years ago,I would swear it had been written my my exs new girlfriend about me

We broke up-the drink and drugs that he'd hidden from me suddenly weren't hidden anymore

He'd got me trapped and I broke free

For his own amusement and to hurt me,he dragged me through the courts (he got legal aid cos 'its free innit?')

The kids where collateral damage in his quest not to lose control of me

After 18 hellish months he lost interest and walked away

His new girlfriend (who he met about 2 years after we broke up) would write your op word-for-word

I'm am evil bitch for daring to move 'his' kids away from him (we moved 5 miles down the road),am evil for stopping him from seeing them (I didnt at all,plus he dumped them on family members or left them home alone as he couldn't be bothered with them),spent all 'his' money on myself (he never paid a penny) and because I was spending his generous (none) csa money on myself,he couldn't afford to take me back to court (could afford the lovely holidays aboard in 5* star hotels and his nice car)

It's like you've been fed a line and have swallowed it-so many women do until he does the same to them,by which point he's feeding another woman the same lines

I'm watching something similar at work with a colleague-its a car crash waiting to happen but she won't listen until its too late

Oh op, what are you doing? I just read your other thread. He’s a deadbeat dad to your 3. Why you on here pretending this is all the Ex’s fault , when he can’t even be arsed with the ones he lives with?

When was the last time he asked to see his child?
What are her reasons for refusing access?
As I see it she has requested a meeting and he should be taking every opportunity to regain access. This is one of those opportunities.
I agree with others that he has given up too easily.

He has been able to tune out the fact he has a child and now it suits you both to overplay the fact he pays basic maintenance and sends the odd birthday card.

My brother had a similar situation and kept going and going- self representing and making endless phone calls. A decent man wouldnt give up on his kids. Sorry but that’s absolutely what I believe. That’s what being a parent means.

He doesn’t want to reply now because
it forces him to face an uncomfortable truth.

Why is this not surprising to read

The starting and stopping contact went on way before court. The court agreement lasted 6 weeks. And how old are you name calling? I’m a loser? Take a long hard look at yourself your on the internet name calling

Have you been through any thing like this or are you just a know it all that knows nothing at all Janie?

What are you doing here? Move on if you’ve got no real advice

He wasn't back at square one, the court would have taken a very dim view of her breaching the order. He could have self represented snd applied for enforcement. I wouldn't have any time for a parent who did this, but abuse aside i also wouldn't have anytime for someone that behaved like his Ex either. My XH is an arsehole and emotionally abusive to me, but he's still our DC Dad and I'd never stop him having contact. Though i would support my DC if they wanted to see him less, i wouldn't want them not seeing him at all. It seems neither has put this child first.

DH represented himself when court became too expensive. There’s nothing he wouldn’t have done to see his children and believe me, his ex would have done whatever she could to prevent him seeing them. He did it though, because your children are worth it.