Disciplining 2 year old

[Roxyrocks]

Hi all,

I'm currently completely at my wits end with my 2 1/2 year old.

She's lashing out frequently- hitting, pinching and pulling (main targets are her 6mo brother and me)

When we tell her off and explain She's hurting people she just laughs and says we're making her sad if we shout at her

Just before she lashes out she sometimes verbalises the thought ie "I hurt mummy, I hurt brother"

Really struggling to know how to put an end to the behaviour as so far she has found all efforts hilarious. I've tried shouting, calmly explaining and time out

Thanks

Controversial opinion but a smacked bottom often works wonders.

@ColonelDax so teaching the child not to hit, by hitting them? Yeah, okay.

Sorry op, that's a headache for you I'm sure 😕 have you

Except it works absolutely fine and has done for most of human history.

But cool, live in a world you wish for, rather than the world as it actually is. 🙄

Sorry posted early!! Have you tried putting her in her room, away from potential attention? I know you said you've done 'time outs' but was wondering if this was the 'naughty step' kind of thing.

Sorry if not much help.

Do you think she is doing it for attention? Maybe feeling the loss of your sole focus since her brother was born? Does she get a lot of positive attention?

I definitely wouldn’t hit her!

Or maybe teaching them it hurts and isn't nice.

@ColonelDax but it doesn't though, they still do the behaviour again. I don't understand how people can't feel guilty about causing their child physical pain to teach them a lesson.

Are there ways you can distract her if you spot she's thinking about doing it? Or use that time or a time when she's calm to talk to her? It's not easy

FFS to the "smack" shit. What is that teaching?! What kind of message is that sending out?! Jeez. Unbelievable.

Try and work out why she is doing it? Is it the only way she gets attention? Does it happen only if she's tired or hungry? Then take it from there to minimise the chances of it happening again. Obviously she needs age appropriate explanations of why we don't do that.

Depending on where OP lives also illegal.

Violence is not the answer.

It absolutely does work perfectly well.

Worked for all of mine and works for everyone else I know who has done it.

Like I said, live in the real world, not one you wish existed.

If OP doesn't want to use a smacked bum as punishment then no problem, her kids, her choice, but I guarantee it will end the negative behaviour literally overnight, which is what she wanted.

Probably going to be flamed but I had a smacked bottom when misbehaving as a child and it did not cause lifelong trauma. As pp said, showing her it hurts isn't going to kill her. Although I guess allowing her to hit a 6 month old baby is absolutely fine apparently 🙄

Exactly this. People need to live in the real world and get some sense of perspective.

A smacked bottom or a tap on the wrist are as far away from physical abuse as the difference between a time out and locking your child under the stairs for hours. 🙄

Please don’t hit your child

its tedious but giving massive, over the top praise for the good things (“yay, we’re going to snuggle and watch tv together/ have a treat/do something you love because you’ve been so good not hitting your brother this morning”)

it runs counter to our instincts for punishment and accountability but at 2 years old everything is transactional. I can negotiate and even punish my kids now that I can reason and talk with them but under three years old it’s just noise.

Make sure you are consistent in reacting each and every time to move them away and let them know your displeasure when they hurt their sibling, but then make a big deal of the injured party, almost ignoring them in the process. This way they soon learn they don’t get rewarded with attention.

you have to turn yourself into an over-dramatic children’s presenter with over the top reactions but it will work

Well if if worked no child would be hit more than once and that is manifestly not the case.
When I was school corporal punishment was rife and it was always the same children who were hit and very often for the same thing. So it obviously didn't work did it?

@ColonelDax exactly. A tapped bottom isn't the same as a proper belting🙄 it's the baby I'm worried about

Sounds like she's getting attention for it. She may be still be settling into new life with baby. Janet Lansbury is v good on this type of thing - stopping her and letting her know v calmly and v breezily that you know she feels like hitting but you won't let her, and then redirect.

We can also find edge cases of kids who have everything patiently explained to them and yet continue to misbehave (I guarantee there are more btw).

A short sharp tap on the bum is completely harmless and works absolutely fine for the vast majority of children.

Just to flag to those recommending assaulting young children - do ensure you keep your violence confined to England and NI as smacking is against the law in Scotland and Wales and you could find yourself in a lot of trouble.

Who is calling the Police in this situation, the 2 year old or the 6 month old? 🙄

@ColonelDax

Who is calling the Police in this situation, the 2 year old or the 6 month old? 🙄

If witnessed by an adult or suspected then anyone can call the police.

So better make sure you only assault your children in private.

Yes just illegally assault your children behind closed doors, it’s ok because they are too young and vulnerable to be able to tell anyone about the crime.

Agree with this.

Mine are all grown up now so not relevant but good advice for those who live in Scotland or Wales. 👍

All the smacking psychos people on this thread. Not only is it illegal in many places (and the 2 year old might not report but I would if she told me) it is linked to worse outcomes. Not 'lifelong trauma' as per the earlier hyperbole, but more incarceration, addiction, worse behaviour. Statistically children who are hit, particularly once in a while out of anger or poor behaviour management, are less likely to do well.

If you manage your children by hitting them, you're a crap parent with no skills, which may be why your children do worse.

OP, at 2 there is very little understanding. Remove, distract, look for antecedents (hungry, tired, pain etc.) and work out if there is any trigger. Yes, model empathy and care but at 2 it's a work in progress.