Disciplining 2 year old

[Roxyrocks]

Hi all,

I'm currently completely at my wits end with my 2 1/2 year old.

She's lashing out frequently- hitting, pinching and pulling (main targets are her 6mo brother and me)

When we tell her off and explain She's hurting people she just laughs and says we're making her sad if we shout at her

Just before she lashes out she sometimes verbalises the thought ie "I hurt mummy, I hurt brother"

Really struggling to know how to put an end to the behaviour as so far she has found all efforts hilarious. I've tried shouting, calmly explaining and time out

Thanks

And what about the very many well parented children who got the occasional smack?

Even if they go on to be OK, and some people will be OK even with serious abuse, you don't know the OP. You have no idea what her home is like, no idea if she's abusive, no idea what else is going on. But all the smackers are merrily recommending it.

The consequences of advising people you don't know to hit their child, rather than read a parenting book, are serious.

Pretty much all parents describe their parenting in broadly similar ways, "not perfect" "I do get frustrated sometimes" "I love them but sometimes I struggle to like them". Some of those people are beating their children and some aren't. And you don't know who is who. Telling a stressed parent that hitting is a guaranteed win is very very foolish.

Says the person advocating hitting a 2 year old simply because their brain isn't yet developed enough to funny understand the outcome of their actions on someone else

Not violent at all 🙄

A light smack on the bum us hardly violent

Yeah they don't give a shit clearly. Simply by not doing anything and letting them run riot

I smoked and I don't have lung cancer.

I didn't wear a seatbelt and never had a crash.

I've poked a fork into a toaster and not been electrocuted.

You want to recommend any of these to your children? Statistics just mean there is a higher chance of your children being violent, unhappy, have poor outcomes. They might be OK, they might not, but the chance is higher that they won't be. There are ways to parent perfectly well that don't involve slapping children. Why not just use those?

A light smack on the bum us hardly violent

It either hurts or doesn't. If it hurts, it's violent. If it doesn't, how exactly does it work? Because I patted DD on the bum as a baby, on her head walking along, on her arm to reassure her. Not a smack. If it's changing behaviour, it must be different to that. More, what's the word? Violent.

Well its not violent. A light tap is enough to discipline a child. And to give a firm no.

How does a 'light tap' change behaviour? I use what I would call a light tap on the shoulder if DD is listening to music and I need to talk to her. So it must not be the same as that.

Euphemisms don't make it OK.

Im confused

We have people on here advocating hitting a 2 year old hard enough that it hurts

Doesn't sound like a 'light tap' to me

I would try to distract and predict.
Grab her hands before she makes contact and ask her to let her hands be kind. Think of other things for her hands to do like find some play dough, sing One Mother Duck, get them to tickle you.
Praise her when she is not hurting brother. Instruct her how to do soft baby massage and give gentle touch rather than telling her to stop touching the baby but be consistent and send her away every time she makes any rough contact.

I would never smack that hard. Would never cause my son pain. You can't really make that judgement tbf.

Well it has worked. My son listens.

In logic, yes because it hurts and they don't want another.

The thing is a lot of people who think they turned out OK actually haven't. I was one of them. Sure, many victims grow up to be non-violent, go on to have meaningful relationships, good jobs, become nurturing parents etc...but emotionally are they actually OK? It took me years to even realize how damaged I was how much my past affected me and heavily influenced my everyday life and behaviour. From the outside looking in I turned out damn near perfect but I am far from it.

But the people on this thread that you are supporting? That's what they are advocating. Hitting a child so hard it hurts. That's what we are arguing against.

So it sounds like you actually do disagree with smacking aka hitting so hard it hurts and are advocating a light tap to get their attention. Not the same thing at all

Unless you have twins and you tap one and not the other how do you know he wouldn't still listen if you hadn't done it?

Are you stupid on purpose or just violent towards small children who can't fight back?

I just want to say to the people on the thread who've dealt with long-term impacts of this, I'm really sorry. It's very difficult to deal with childhood issues Ike these for all sorts of complicated reasons. Take care of yourselves.

Neither pet

I've seen no comments saying that. Don't know what you're reading...

Many people are abused by their parents and grow up to be more than ok; they grow up to be more than ok despite them. Not because of them.

It isn’t some achievement as a result of abusive parenting. Hey I abused my child and they turned out fine, so everyone , choose violence! I thoroughly recommend it.

if you need to resort to hitting someone, be it a child, or an adult, someone you know, someone you don’t. It says everything about your failings.

and arguing someone should hurt their own baby or child as you did it, or like that sort of thing, just continues to show your extreme failings, lack of abilities, and poor choices.

@Roxyrocks there is a book called "hands are not for hitting" which I used when mine went through a hitting phase. We would read it regularly and the repetition of the simple concepts did help them to begin to understand.

At 2 years old your DD is too young for explanations/reasoning, shouting is ineffective and imo so are time outs. As other posters have said earlier on the thread, you can be looking for early warning signs and intercepting or redirecting. Keep your baby safe by keeping them separate and closely supervising any interactions. Massive praise for gentle and kind interactions, and try to find time to play with her on her own.

As pp said, showing her it hurts isn't going to kill her.

Or maybe teaching them it hurts and isn't nice.

In logic, yes because it hurts and they don't want another.

I'm reading the thread...

So you exaggerated what they said...

How so?