Page 10 | Disciplining 2 year old

Roxyrocks · 2024-01-03T13:56:59+00:00

Hi all, I'm currently completely at my wits end with my 2 1/2 year old. She's lashing out frequently- hitting, pinching and pulling (main targets are her 6mo brother and me) When we tell her off and explain She's hurting people she just laughs and says we're making her sad if we shout at her Just before she lashes out she sometimes verbalises the thought ie "I hurt mummy, I hurt brother" Really struggling to know how to put an end to the behaviour as so far she has found all efforts hilarious. I've tried shouting, calmly explaining and time out Thanks

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fedupandstuck · 04/01/2024 17:40

I wonder if it's the word "discipline" in the post title thats attracting these posters that want to encourage others to slap toddlers. Weird, and disturbing post.

DemelzaandRoss · 04/01/2024 17:45

They’re all crawling out of the woodwork now.

JustanotherMNSlapperTwat · 04/01/2024 18:08

fedupandstuck · 04/01/2024 17:40

I wonder if it's the word "discipline" in the post title thats attracting these posters that want to encourage others to slap toddlers. Weird, and disturbing post.

I think it must be, it's incredibly disturbing to see

Parentingin2024 · 04/01/2024 18:11

fedupandstuck · 04/01/2024 17:40

I wonder if it's the word "discipline" in the post title thats attracting these posters that want to encourage others to slap toddlers. Weird, and disturbing post.

To think we walk amongst these people. Horrifying.

00100001 · 04/01/2024 18:37

Wish44 · 04/01/2024 17:37

I can’t abide violent toddlers . They make everyone’s life an absolute misery; the pain and distress they cause; with the actual violence and then the endless time taken up with time out or explaining or whatever other un age appropriate method people use.

They are 2, have very few reasoning skills and no empathy.Provided they know you love them etc a lesson that violence hurts others can come from hurting them.

when both my older 2 went through the violent stage I said very calmly next time you hit me I will hit you back. They predictably hit me, I slapped them on the back of the leg. They never hit anyone ever again and I never had to hit them again. Sorted! 2 children who learned not to hurt others … very quickly.

I have a 2 year old who hasn’t gone through the violent stage yet but if/when she does she will get the same treatment. However I get so upset by all the times she is attacked by other toddlers who’s parents then say things like “kind hand” and “ I don’t like that” and expect it to work. It’s not fair that my daughter gets hurt because parents will not properly control their kids!

Well great for you. Hitting your child worked.
But guess what, I never hit my child and it worked too.

I'm sure you'll be fine when another child hits your child, because they knocked them. Or if someone hits you roun stage face to teach you a lesson because you hurt them.

Janieforever · 04/01/2024 18:37

fedupandstuck · 04/01/2024 17:40

I wonder if it's the word "discipline" in the post title thats attracting these posters that want to encourage others to slap toddlers. Weird, and disturbing post.

I think it must be, I actually feel nauseated. I can’t believe someone’s just posted saying they can’t abide small kids and writing about how they hurt theirs. And would do so again.

I guess it’s some form of sick attention seeking.

Original poster

Roxyrocks · 04/01/2024 18:51

Hi @fedupandstuck I just wanted to reiterate I have absolutely no plans on hitting her. I'm really shocked at how this thread has gone and was hoping for a bit of advice on next steps, never imagined people would be advocating for hitting children like this.

OP posts:

LangMayYerLumReek2024 · 04/01/2024 19:08

@blackpanth make sure you remember that if you travel to other parts of the UK that you are committing a crime each time you hit your child are are liable for prosecution.

Isthisexpected · 04/01/2024 19:14

What's really sad is you didn't post saying my toddler is having a hard time with her emotions in response to a younger sibling arriving, how can I help her? What do you suggest around X trigger scenarios?

You asked about discipline. Poor kid.

Parentingin2024 · 04/01/2024 19:16

Roxyrocks · 04/01/2024 18:51

Hi @fedupandstuck I just wanted to reiterate I have absolutely no plans on hitting her. I'm really shocked at how this thread has gone and was hoping for a bit of advice on next steps, never imagined people would be advocating for hitting children like this.

Mumsnet can be a real cesspool at times giving the most dangerous / deluded a voice. I'm sorry that such an innocent post where you sought sage advice became a forum for certain individuals to try and justify the abuse they mete out. Don't give them another thought and enjoy your family

Original poster

Roxyrocks · 04/01/2024 20:14

@Isthisexpected I also never once mentioned smacking her either did I?
I've reached out for advice from other parents and it's turned into a debate on smacking!

We discuss emotions with her frequently and she'll often tell us when she feels sad.

Fair enough discipline may have been the wrong word to use but I think stating "poor kid" about a child who I'm trying to raise to not hit or be hit by her parents is ridiculous.

OP posts:

caringcarer · 04/01/2024 20:35

fedupandstuck · 04/01/2024 17:21

@caringcarer can you really only imagine one way of dealing with this issue, by hitting the 2 year old? It's been explained several times on this thread what options there are to address this behaviour whilst also keeping the baby safe. Not a single person is suggesting that the child be allowed to continue to hurt the baby.

You don't think the OP hasn't tried other options but they haven't worked with this DC? I would imagine no one goes straight to a tap on the bum. They start with asking DC to stop, explain they are hurting the baby, gentle hands, distract the DC, time out and eventually a tap on the bum and a NO, as an option if nothing else works with this DC. As this baby is constantly being hit by an older sibling nothing seems to be working. How long do you keep trying other options whilst this poor baby keeps being hit by it's elder sibling? You can put the elder DC in a separate room but if they keep running back and hitting the baby what would you do to stop the baby constantly being hit, assuming you can't spend all day holding the baby up high where the sibling can't attack it?

Isthisexpected · 04/01/2024 21:04

They start with asking DC to stop, explain they are hurting the baby, gentle hands, distract the DC, time out and eventually a tap on the bum and a NO, as an option if nothing else works with this DC.

^ all of that's totally missing the point. The behaviour is in response to emotional distress. Everything you've suggested is about stopping the behaviour not addressing the distress at it's cause. The OP hadn't even got as far as bf only toys which is pretty much the first thing that comes up if you Google how to cope with a toddler and newborn...

keepfaith22 · 04/01/2024 22:07

ColonelDax · 03/01/2024 14:02

Controversial opinion but a smacked bottom often works wonders.

Your poor children 😞

keepfaith22 · 04/01/2024 22:09

Wish44 · 04/01/2024 17:37

I can’t abide violent toddlers . They make everyone’s life an absolute misery; the pain and distress they cause; with the actual violence and then the endless time taken up with time out or explaining or whatever other un age appropriate method people use.

They are 2, have very few reasoning skills and no empathy.Provided they know you love them etc a lesson that violence hurts others can come from hurting them.

when both my older 2 went through the violent stage I said very calmly next time you hit me I will hit you back. They predictably hit me, I slapped them on the back of the leg. They never hit anyone ever again and I never had to hit them again. Sorted! 2 children who learned not to hurt others … very quickly.

I have a 2 year old who hasn’t gone through the violent stage yet but if/when she does she will get the same treatment. However I get so upset by all the times she is attacked by other toddlers who’s parents then say things like “kind hand” and “ I don’t like that” and expect it to work. It’s not fair that my daughter gets hurt because parents will not properly control their kids!

Wow

This post is really quite awful

Lammveg · 04/01/2024 22:13

Wow how did this thread end up like this?

People are so strange...its not acceptable for a 2 year old with no understanding to hit a 6 month old...but its ok for a grown adult to hit a child? (Or tap/poke/gently smack...however you're trying to justify it to yourselves).

Janieforever · 04/01/2024 22:26

Roxyrocks · 04/01/2024 18:51

Hi @fedupandstuck I just wanted to reiterate I have absolutely no plans on hitting her. I'm really shocked at how this thread has gone and was hoping for a bit of advice on next steps, never imagined people would be advocating for hitting children like this.

I think we are all really shocked op. There are no words. It’s utterly shocking on a parenting site when someone asks for advice some people advocate to hurt an infant.

It’s only a few people, and i really hope there are no children near them in real life, none they can hurt. But sadly there are no capability or decent human tests to take before become a parent. So there is a sad possibility some of these people posting are actually hurting their own children.

JustanotherMNSlapperTwat · 04/01/2024 22:42

caringcarer · 04/01/2024 20:35

You don't think the OP hasn't tried other options but they haven't worked with this DC? I would imagine no one goes straight to a tap on the bum. They start with asking DC to stop, explain they are hurting the baby, gentle hands, distract the DC, time out and eventually a tap on the bum and a NO, as an option if nothing else works with this DC. As this baby is constantly being hit by an older sibling nothing seems to be working. How long do you keep trying other options whilst this poor baby keeps being hit by it's elder sibling? You can put the elder DC in a separate room but if they keep running back and hitting the baby what would you do to stop the baby constantly being hit, assuming you can't spend all day holding the baby up high where the sibling can't attack it?

Show quote history

I would imagine no one goes straight to a tap on the bum. They start with asking DC to stop, explain they are hurting the baby, gentle hands, distract the DC, time out and eventually a tap on the bum and a NO, as an option if nothing else works with this DC

So you are advocating for an escalating scale of options. So what do you do when the "tap" doesn't work. Escalate further? Smack harder?

I get your point that if one thing doesn't work try another. And everyone has a stopping point they won't escalate past. I will do you the courtesy of assuming that yours is after a tap and that you wouldn't progress to harder and harder smacks etc

So we are all in the same place. At some point running through all of the options won't work. It's just for most of us our stopping point is before physical abuse not after.

Unless of course you think your "tap" will stop all bad behaviour. in which case I'm inclined to think the word tap is not accurate.

if they keep running back and hitting the baby what would you do to stop the baby constantly being hit

If your tap doesn't work what would you do? Assuming I am correct that it's not harder smacks then you might be able to offer some actual useful advice to the OP

caringcarer · 04/01/2024 23:55

JustanotherMNSlapperTwat · 04/01/2024 22:42

I would imagine no one goes straight to a tap on the bum. They start with asking DC to stop, explain they are hurting the baby, gentle hands, distract the DC, time out and eventually a tap on the bum and a NO, as an option if nothing else works with this DC

So you are advocating for an escalating scale of options. So what do you do when the "tap" doesn't work. Escalate further? Smack harder?

I get your point that if one thing doesn't work try another. And everyone has a stopping point they won't escalate past. I will do you the courtesy of assuming that yours is after a tap and that you wouldn't progress to harder and harder smacks etc

So we are all in the same place. At some point running through all of the options won't work. It's just for most of us our stopping point is before physical abuse not after.

Unless of course you think your "tap" will stop all bad behaviour. in which case I'm inclined to think the word tap is not accurate.

if they keep running back and hitting the baby what would you do to stop the baby constantly being hit

If your tap doesn't work what would you do? Assuming I am correct that it's not harder smacks then you might be able to offer some actual useful advice to the OP

Show quote history

None of my DC have ever hit a baby. I've not had to tap on the bum since my elder DS was 3 as they've not been this badly behaved, but I've raised my voice and been thankful distracting them has worked but some DC are more difficult than others to manage. If my elder son who is 8 years older than my younger son had ever hit his baby brother constantly I'd have tapped him on the bum if nothing else had worked. It would have been a last resort. If I told my elder son to stay in his room he always did so, he usually got engrossed in playing with K'nex or Lego therefore that worked for me. I found a small tap if they were being very naughty from about 3 years and they learned not to do it again. So from 3 or possibly 4 years I never needed to tap on the bottom any more because they had learned appropriate behaviour.

JustanotherMNSlapperTwat · 05/01/2024 00:04

caringcarer · 04/01/2024 23:55

None of my DC have ever hit a baby. I've not had to tap on the bum since my elder DS was 3 as they've not been this badly behaved, but I've raised my voice and been thankful distracting them has worked but some DC are more difficult than others to manage. If my elder son who is 8 years older than my younger son had ever hit his baby brother constantly I'd have tapped him on the bum if nothing else had worked. It would have been a last resort. If I told my elder son to stay in his room he always did so, he usually got engrossed in playing with K'nex or Lego therefore that worked for me. I found a small tap if they were being very naughty from about 3 years and they learned not to do it again. So from 3 or possibly 4 years I never needed to tap on the bottom any more because they had learned appropriate behaviour.

Show quote history

So you haven't been in the same position as the OP and you have no useful advice for her at all

Excellent, what a wonderful contribution to the thread

And what a suprise at the age children learn empathy and other behaviours they stopped doing the things that led you to smack them. Almost as if they would have stopped at that age regardless. What a shocker!

kikisparks · 05/01/2024 07:52

I just don’t really understand how you can give the message “do not hit” by hitting. So bizarre as well as abusive.

Anyway OP sounds like you have the answer, your DD is probably jealous of the attention the baby gets, so giving her special toys and activities for when you breastfeed, loads of praise and attention when she is behaving well or even neutrally, and if the hitting happens again removing the baby from the situation should all work, if not come back as there has been lots of helpful advice aside from the people advocating that you hit her.

Janieforever · 05/01/2024 07:59

caringcarer · 04/01/2024 23:55

None of my DC have ever hit a baby. I've not had to tap on the bum since my elder DS was 3 as they've not been this badly behaved, but I've raised my voice and been thankful distracting them has worked but some DC are more difficult than others to manage. If my elder son who is 8 years older than my younger son had ever hit his baby brother constantly I'd have tapped him on the bum if nothing else had worked. It would have been a last resort. If I told my elder son to stay in his room he always did so, he usually got engrossed in playing with K'nex or Lego therefore that worked for me. I found a small tap if they were being very naughty from about 3 years and they learned not to do it again. So from 3 or possibly 4 years I never needed to tap on the bottom any more because they had learned appropriate behaviour.

Show quote history

What is it with the “tap” ? Every single person knows a gentle tap does nothing. I tap my child in the shoulder to get her attention. A tap makes no sense in the context of the escalating actions you describe.

why the euphemism. If you mean hit them so hard it hurts, say it. Calling it a tap doesn’t change the fact you mean physically assault them and cause them pain.

takealettermsjones · 05/01/2024 11:55

Janieforever · 05/01/2024 07:59

What is it with the “tap” ? Every single person knows a gentle tap does nothing. I tap my child in the shoulder to get her attention. A tap makes no sense in the context of the escalating actions you describe.

why the euphemism. If you mean hit them so hard it hurts, say it. Calling it a tap doesn’t change the fact you mean physically assault them and cause them pain.

Show quote history

I had this exact thought. If you're going to be brazen on a public forum about how you hit your children, at least own it. We all know you're not "tapping" them, you're causing them physical pain or it wouldn't be a punishment, would it? Taps don't cause physical pain. If you're that confident you're right, then be honest about it. You're hurting your children and you're proud of it.

OP, sorry I haven't read every bit of the thread (because jeez) so I don't know if this has already been said, but my eldest had a hitting phase and I shut it down by staying completely, robotically calm (hardest thing in the world) and just removing myself, the other person, the toy etc. So "no, I don't play with people who hit me," "no, that's not safe for your brother so I'm moving him away now," "no, that's not how you use that toy so I'm taking it away now," etc. Take yourself or baby out of her vicinity and remove the attention.

Re. separating the kids, and someone asking what do you do if they just keep coming back - baby gates. "No, it's not ok to hit, we're going to play in the other room now." If you were playing a game, that's end of game. If playing with a toy, end of using that toy etc. So you can go back to the 2yo once she's calmed down (it's not a time out as such) but don't keep doing the thing you were doing before. "No, I don't want to play that any more, we can try again tomorrow," etc.

For us it worked because there was no massive reaction, but she spoilt it for herself because she ruined the game etc. She very quickly learnt not to! The good thing about the "I don't play with people who hit me" line is that it models it for them too, and I heard her say it to her cousin once. Made me really proud actually!

Iwasafool · 05/01/2024 12:22

takealettermsjones · 05/01/2024 11:55

I had this exact thought. If you're going to be brazen on a public forum about how you hit your children, at least own it. We all know you're not "tapping" them, you're causing them physical pain or it wouldn't be a punishment, would it? Taps don't cause physical pain. If you're that confident you're right, then be honest about it. You're hurting your children and you're proud of it.

OP, sorry I haven't read every bit of the thread (because jeez) so I don't know if this has already been said, but my eldest had a hitting phase and I shut it down by staying completely, robotically calm (hardest thing in the world) and just removing myself, the other person, the toy etc. So "no, I don't play with people who hit me," "no, that's not safe for your brother so I'm moving him away now," "no, that's not how you use that toy so I'm taking it away now," etc. Take yourself or baby out of her vicinity and remove the attention.

Re. separating the kids, and someone asking what do you do if they just keep coming back - baby gates. "No, it's not ok to hit, we're going to play in the other room now." If you were playing a game, that's end of game. If playing with a toy, end of using that toy etc. So you can go back to the 2yo once she's calmed down (it's not a time out as such) but don't keep doing the thing you were doing before. "No, I don't want to play that any more, we can try again tomorrow," etc.

For us it worked because there was no massive reaction, but she spoilt it for herself because she ruined the game etc. She very quickly learnt not to! The good thing about the "I don't play with people who hit me" line is that it models it for them too, and I heard her say it to her cousin once. Made me really proud actually!

Show quote history

I guess we all see the world in our own way. Personally I think isolating a 2 year old is far more damaging than a quick tap on the backside, a backside that probably has a nappy on and would have to be very hard to actually hurt them.

I think trapping a child with a baby gate and going off with the baby is incredibly cruel.

00100001 · 05/01/2024 12:26

Iwasafool · 05/01/2024 12:22

I guess we all see the world in our own way. Personally I think isolating a 2 year old is far more damaging than a quick tap on the backside, a backside that probably has a nappy on and would have to be very hard to actually hurt them.

I think trapping a child with a baby gate and going off with the baby is incredibly cruel.

Show quote history

Bit a oat on the nappy is going to do nothing.

People are and we're suggesting that as a lesson, you have to hit them so they know it hurts.

Not "tap". They mean a smack that inflicts pain.

Disciplining 2 year old

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