Disciplining 2 year old

[Roxyrocks]

Hi all,

I'm currently completely at my wits end with my 2 1/2 year old.

She's lashing out frequently- hitting, pinching and pulling (main targets are her 6mo brother and me)

When we tell her off and explain She's hurting people she just laughs and says we're making her sad if we shout at her

Just before she lashes out she sometimes verbalises the thought ie "I hurt mummy, I hurt brother"

Really struggling to know how to put an end to the behaviour as so far she has found all efforts hilarious. I've tried shouting, calmly explaining and time out

Thanks

Patronising bully then who clever knows absolutely nothing about child development. How do you deal with unwanted behaviour in a 1 year old?

Hitting is just a lazy cop out for parents who can’t parent 🤷‍♀️ anyone who thinks it’s ok to hit a child is mental anyway. Lazy parenting at it’s finest

So all the millions of parents who've ever smacked their child are mental? What nonsense.

I always find it funny when people say that hitting kids works at stopping them hitting. When it clearly raises people who think it's acceptable to hit children. Hitting people is wrong, as a child and as an adult.

Years ago it was acceptable, although I’ve no idea , genuinely, how anyone could hit a child. But we also sent them up chimneys, and did many other things that the world has now moved on and knows is unacceptable. That’s why it is now illegal in so many countries. Most of mainland Europe, Scotland, Ireland, wales.

It is not ok to hit, to slap, to punch, to assault another human. you wouldn’t like it, you don’t want it done to you. So don’t do it to others. Least of all to a small child who can’t hit you back.

i can’t believe im on a parenting site actually having to tell grown arse adults it’s not ok to hit people.

i can’t believe im on a parenting site actually having to tell grown arse adults it’s not ok to hit people.

One of the posters has over 60 posts across multiple threads this year alone advocating smacking children

That's more than a little disturbing, to be so obsessive over this particular topic

You're the one who's acting like a bully.. I've got a well behaved child. I do not need to justify that to strangers on the Internet...

I use to get a smacked bottom, hand or a flicked ear when I was younger. Never caused me any trauma. Instead made me a stronger person in the long run. I've used the technique of if mu child pinches etc I'll pinch back and they would never don't again. . Now when ever I give the stern look my kids know.

But again that's me. Op it's down to you what you decide is plurable punishment for your child

Smug people here bragging about having degrees.
Punishing violence with violence against a two year old toddler really doesn’t sound awfully sensible. Especially when small children of that age won’t understand the ins & outs of why they’re being hit, oops sorry, tapped.
OP, toddlers are fascinatingly irritating & gorgeous all at the same time. Your own little treasure sounds jealous of the baby & who can blame her. She now has to share your attention.
The stage will pass, for another & another, all part of life’s wonderful tapestry with child rearing.
However, ‘tappers’ your way is 100% not the acceptable way. This is one of the reasons why ‘tapping’ is illegal in many countries bar England.
An extremely out of date, unnecessary & ridiculous form of parenting.

Think of other things for her hands to do like find some play dough, sing One Mother Duck, get them to tickle you.
Praise her when she is not hurting brother. Instruct her how to do soft baby massage and give gentle touch rather than telling her to stop touching the baby

^

You do realise she's 2???

Mother duck? Massage? Distraction techniques? Wtaf.

The child needs a tell off!

@coxesorangepippin you may have missed in the first post that the OP has tried shouting, amongst other things.

The strategies you deride are not meant to be done after a hitting incident. They are preventative and behaviour modifying strategies to be used continuously.

There is an instagram account BigLittleFeelings that has some pretty good suggestions for this situation (FYI they are in the not hitting your child camp). My little one was in a large daycare and from 2-3 did go through a biting/hiting phase, and it was so frustrating. They talked about using their "stop/no" signs, asking for space, etc. It didn't really work if i'm honest. Children of that age tend to react first, think later. Their brains literally are not fully formed, and they are just learning. We read the colour monster book a lot, that was really good and helpful. At 3 we changed to a closer daycare, and it stopped overnight. I have no idea if it was situational for her school, or she just grew up and out of it, but it was probably a combination of both. Hope your little one is quicker to get through this than mine was!

OK that's weird.

Yuk.

Firm boundaries. A firm ‘no’ with a stern look, time out in a space that she needs to sit and think, no attention, take toys off her. Repeat each time. Make her realise how boring it will be for her until she behaves.

Be very careful with your baby, your baby could be badly injured by your other child.

Having a well behaved child due to being scared of being hit is nothing to be proud of.

God, that’s really worrying. It’s just really awful how there is a handful of posters really advocating for hitting kids. On a parenting site too, it’s sickening. I hope there are now no children near these people.

My child isn't scared. He's a content happy little man

Your little man isn't even 2 years old

You can't possibly know yet what the ramifications are from hitting him

That tiny little boy, I just can't

If that's all they're posting about it might be a perv getting thrills out of posting about smacking children.

My son is brilliantly behaved, is kind and listens well (age 5). I am firm but fair, I use rewards and sometimes he has age appropriate consequences. I would genuinely rather be dead than smack him.

Op at age 2 I'd just try to distract, remove, give time to calm down, 'no we don't do that's etc. 2 is incredibly young and they don't really understand telling off. They outgrow things and change all the time.

Some of the opinions on this thread are really alarming. Reminds me of someone I heard about who used to bite children if they ever bit her first. Yes, really.

Ok 👍🤣

To those say I hit my kids and it didn't do them any harm. Do you really know this?
Because my mum hit me and my sisters and she would say it didn't do us harm.
What she doesn't know is I have had to have therapy because of the harm and it massively contributed to my severe pnd. She doesn't know this because I have zero trust in her ability to manage my emotions because she hit me. She had her rules but to toddler and young child me I didn't know or understand these rules I just knew that some times the person that was meant to care for me caused me pain - yes just a "tap on the bum". She was unpredictable and this has made her untrustworthy. We only have a superficial relationship and is shut out of a lot of my life but she doesn't know this. She thinks we have a happy relationship but we don't and we won't ever have a happy relationship.

My dad spoke the other day about how hard he found childhood because his mum used to smack him. He's not the sort of person to talk about feelings but it says a lot that 60 years later he still remembers that feeling

We do "we don't hit we cuddle" in our house. For us it takes the confrontation out of a confrontation situation.
If she is doing something dangerous she is moved away from the dangerous thing and close to something that is safe for her to play with.
Save no for when you want it to mean something. If you find your no's are losing meaning challenge yourself to not say no for an hour. Any other expression that conveys "no" is permitted. Expanding the no vocab helps us grade no's from please stop that all the way to that must stop this second and you must never do that again in a way that is lost just using no

My big guess is she is doing it for attention and out of jealousy having been deposed by a baby that seems to be occupying her Mummy.

Lots of positive attention and praise when she does things nicely.

When she starts this, just calmly pick her up without comment and move her away from you and away from the baby without looking her in the eye. No attention. Then say Mummy can only hear your happy voice - would you like to speak to me in your happy voice? And engage a lot as soon as she responds positively.

Keep this up without variation for a week.

Lots of attention when being kind, no attention when acting up.

Because to her even you telling her off, focussing on her and telling her it isn't nice to hit etc, is having your attention on her and not on the baby. So a win.

Sure he is, how content and happy are you when you get knocked around?