Disciplining 2 year old

[Roxyrocks]

Hi all,

I'm currently completely at my wits end with my 2 1/2 year old.

She's lashing out frequently- hitting, pinching and pulling (main targets are her 6mo brother and me)

When we tell her off and explain She's hurting people she just laughs and says we're making her sad if we shout at her

Just before she lashes out she sometimes verbalises the thought ie "I hurt mummy, I hurt brother"

Really struggling to know how to put an end to the behaviour as so far she has found all efforts hilarious. I've tried shouting, calmly explaining and time out

Thanks

"There are, however, notable limitations and gaps in the literature examining the associations between spanking and poor outcomes."

Yes. Unless you think scientists should train parents to slap their children exactly the same way and then assign to random groups, there will be gaps and limitations.

Correlation not causation in this case. The common, confounding variables in people who hit their children and people who raise unhappy and mentally unwell children with behavioural issues? I can only speculate.

Please don’t hit your kid.

I had/have this issue with my toddler. HV said it’s a way of them testing boundaries and the best thing to do is to not react to it or give them the attention they are looking for by doing it. Not sure how much it works but that’s the advice I was given.

I can assure you my children never feared me they just realised that hurting people wasn't nice and as they weren't psychopaths once they realised that they didn't do it.

I was abused by my parents and have an MSc what's your point?

"But you got a degree" sounds very much like "but we took you to stately homes"

I can’t comment on how your children feel about you, a parent who felt assault was how to manage behaviour. But yes they’d have learned mummy or daddy wasn’t nice as they hurt their own kids.

I was told that toddlers often don't understand negations and mistake them for affirmatives. Could it be that she's not understanding what you're asking of her?

Empathy doesn't develop until around 4ish

So if you are smacking a child before they are 4 and thinking that it's teaching them how other people feel when they hit then you aren't. All you are teaching them is fear of you, their caregiver. Which is just incredibly sad

Agree. Mine were smacked as toddlers and have grown up fine, with excellent careers, relationships and families of their own. I doubt if they even remember it, and they are certainly in no way traumatized.

You only need to read some of the teenage and school threads on here to realize that many, many children are out of control.

Society has swung too far in the direction of child led upbringing and it's about time some common sense was brought back. A quick smack sorts out a lot of negative behaviour.

Exactly, fear of being attacked.

i do wonder the motivation of people who come onto a parenting forum enthusiastically urging someone to hurt their own child.

I agree! I think this poster needs more help then they're willing to admit!

@Iwasafool she's 2 for Christ sake. Give your head a wobble

I came here to say the same. Depending upon where you live, a calm, authoritative spanking is not abusive and can be very effective.

OP you do whatever you want to do to fix the situation. It must be really worrying for you and I get it.

If you don't want to smack then don't. However I guarantee it will work and will keep your littlest one safe almost immediately. You can then make a judgement call on whether you continue and make the inevitable slippery slope into beating your children with paddles and belts as some on this thread are suggesting or if you then just leave it. 🙄

In reality you'll do it a couple times, it'll work and then won't be relevant again other than as an absolute, nuclear option if all else fails. (It also doesn't work past low single digit ages anyway so not really a lifelong problem)

Please try not to listen to the idealogues who want to judge you and tell you what you should do, but don't really care if it actually fixes your situation or not, as long as they get a dig in and show everyone how much better parents they are/were.

Anyway peace out. ❤️

Yes because in the world that actually is you can indeed just hit other people without consequence 🙄

Good one

You only need to read some of the teenage and school threads on here to realize that many, many children are out of control.

Which has nothing to do with not being smacked.

They've certainly not been disciplined properly though

I agree with looking for triggers- tired, hungry etc- overtired is a big one for toddlers. DD2 is 14 now and still gets all giddy and silly when she's very tired - it's really funny!

Praise praise praise good behaviour otherwise it's easy to end up ignoring them when they are good and only giving them attention when you are telling them off, which makes them be naughty to get your attention.

Things like "That's a really good girl sitting up nicely at the table, well done."

Particularly around the baby as well "Ah, you are so gentle with him, that's lovely."

When she's a bit older, perhaps three, you might do reward charts for doing things well, brushing teeth nicely, helping mum put things away etc. Or it might work now but usually about 3+. I used to do five smiley faces in a week was a gold star then a reward at the weekend, like a £1 toy from the machine they were always asking about.

However I guarantee it will work and will keep your littlest one safe almost immediately.

My brother was smacked. He beat me into my teens. And is still an arsehole to me now for the record. So you can't guarantee it will work. And if it did, what's the mechanism? Can't be empathy as PP said. So it's fear? Or pain? I know the go-to is 'shock' but that only really works if it hurts or scares them, right?

Actually, I think it has a lot to do with it.

You're wrong @Mojolostforever you honestly really are. The poorly parented gentle parented kids may be annoying, selfish and a PITA but it's the poorly parented smacked children who are violent and out of control.

I got smacked as a child and definitely not a violent person.

Please whatever you do don’t hit or use violence against your child.
I was hit to manage my behaviour etc.
Ive been an anxious people pleaser all my life it’s taken me four years of therapy to realise this and I can’t see the therapy stopping anytime soon.
My strongest memories of childhood are being smacked or waiting to be smacked.
I swore when I had my own children I’d never smack them and thank god you never have.

Or maybe they too have been abused by their parents and this is the way they react to it.

And what about the very many well parented children who got the occasional smack?
I think you'll find that the vast majority grew up just fine. Mine certainly did.

Big Little Feelings have some great advice for free on their Instagram page, they don't recommend time outs (rather time "ins") nor do they ever recommend hitting a child and really explain how your child's brain is working and how to understand her