Would you give up your job to try and make your home a happier one for your children?

[Muminthewest]

Would you give up a part time job to spend the hours your children (age 8 and 5) are at school, ensuring your family life is set up to be the calmest and happiest for a better future for you all?

So in place of paid work, you would aim for:

-all the weekly running of the house, although dull, would be done
-your home to be cleaner and clearer
-you would focus on your health (going for walks, making better & healthier meals for everyone)
-doing every drop off/pick up/club so your husband doesn’t need to fit his 9-5 job round the school day
-feeling set up to be the calm in your own and your family’s storm when they need it
-able to focus on their homework with them because nothing else is distracting you
-having time to do a 5/10/15 year future plan as the children grown up and move away and you inevitably want to go back to work, contributing to society and using your skills again
-doing home repairs
-all planning and logistics needed for the whole family
-etc.

Basically easing everything so you, your husband and your children have the opportunity to feel as happy as you can be.
I would still give the children age appropriate chores and expect them to do their homework, I will just have better capacity to run this approach.

Extra information:

• You and your husband both struggle badly with your mental health and are currently at (or beyond?) capacity
• Due to money from a (awful) death in the family, you own your own home (no mortgage, only bills)

Of course not. I’d think anyone considering it was quite mad. Your husband needs to pull his weight with housework, childcare, homework, cooking etc.

Yes I would without a doubt, even if it was just a temporary break. If you can afford it, give yourself some breathing space. Nothing is permanent, you can get everything on an even keel and plan what you want to do going forward.

No I wouldn't. It sounds very Little House on the Prairie.

No, while I understand (based on your post) why you are craving this, I personally don’t think it’s the answer

If we won the lottery, perhaps. Otherwise I do all of the above and have a full time job. I'd go quite mad if I was a SAHM but then everyone is different. What you describe feels a tad 1950s housewife and not really something I'd like my children to emulate in their adult lives.

I wouldn’t

Yes I would consider it if I was financially stable.

Do you have a good amount of savings and plan for retirement? Would you have equal access to finances (eg continued pension payments) as your husband? Would you be financially ok if you separated from your husband?

If the finances side worked then yea I would 100% do this to make quality of life better. I went part time, and to a less stressful role, to make life easier for similar reasons to the ones you mention and it did improve our lives.

I don’t understand the 5/10/15 year plan? What does that mean and why do you need time to do this?

Do what YOU feel is right. This won't be popular on mumsnet but you only live once, your kids are only young once. I've taken time off work on and off since my kids were born and it's great. I have a part time job again and I miss feeling like life was under control. I love my job so not going to give it up at the moment, but it is just a touch too much as a family

Alternatively could you and your husband go part time and share the time off?

I did - temporarily. The home was a much calmer and happier place and benefitted everyone, including me.

One of my sons-in-law works very part time so that he does all the home tasks - shopping, cooking, school runs etc. - and my DD earns the dosh. It works well for them - a smooth-running household with no stress.

I wouldn't. My job (not particularly my job but having one) is vital to my mental health.

No. I would pay a cleaner (even fortnightly) and a gardener, depending on the size of the garden. That way I'd keep my independence while reducing the workload. I would also not be happy with my children seeing the woman in thr family having to do all the domestic chores.

I've spent a couple of years in the situation you describe and it was not good for my self esteem and was quite lonely. Work keeps me sane (and I'm a teacher so like the company of other people!).

No way. No need for one person to give up work to do that. It is manageable with both parents working, especially if one or both are part time.

Unless the kids are v high needs / have SEN I don't think it's necessary. Certainly 5 and 8 year olds hardly have any homework to keep on top of!

"Little House on the Prairie" - what an insult to those parents who decide to be at home with their children and do parenting!

Individuals are free to choose how they arrange their lives - there is nothing at all wrong with prioritising a peaceful life over climbing the greasy pole. Everyone benefits.

I did not fight for women's lib so that those who choose to parent are insulted. I fought for choice.

No I wouldn't. I wouldn't be happy, and if I'm not happy I don't think the rest of my family would be happy. But despite both working full time I still feel like our home is "calm" on the whole.

If I had the money I would definitely do this. You can’t put a price on your time and happiness. I long to wake up to calm and an organised life

Not without the last 2 points. But they might change things. Might depend if I liked my job.

No, but it's a moot point as it wouldn't be happier. I'm a much better parent and person when I'm working.

Climbing the greasy pole is pretty insulting too ...

On a word,No
Would never give up my career
Nobody would expect my DH to

I did - but actually it was FT job. Gave it all
up. Took 9 months out and started my own business

Yes, if you are financially able and this would make you happy then do it. Children are only little for such a short time and if it means a happier, calmer home then do whatever you need to do.

Could you go part time? I was sahm for 7 years, but decided to get back into work last year. I only work 2 days a week but I love it. I do have a cleaner and someone to do the garden, but I still have plenty to do on my days at home. Childcare isn't too stressful, the house is under control in general, and I get to be there for nearly all ds' things (parents evening, sports day etc). I really enjoy going into the office those 2 days a week - I missed it!

Yes would love to. I have recently gone from a part time job to a full time job and the impact on family life has been huge. I regret is massively. I am permanently stressed and it is feeding through to my children. I have absolutely zero me time and am rapidly approaching breaking point. If I didn't have bills to pay I would give up my job in a heartbeat.