Would you give up your job to try and make your home a happier one for your children?

[Muminthewest]

Would you give up a part time job to spend the hours your children (age 8 and 5) are at school, ensuring your family life is set up to be the calmest and happiest for a better future for you all?

So in place of paid work, you would aim for:

-all the weekly running of the house, although dull, would be done
-your home to be cleaner and clearer
-you would focus on your health (going for walks, making better & healthier meals for everyone)
-doing every drop off/pick up/club so your husband doesn’t need to fit his 9-5 job round the school day
-feeling set up to be the calm in your own and your family’s storm when they need it
-able to focus on their homework with them because nothing else is distracting you
-having time to do a 5/10/15 year future plan as the children grown up and move away and you inevitably want to go back to work, contributing to society and using your skills again
-doing home repairs
-all planning and logistics needed for the whole family
-etc.

Basically easing everything so you, your husband and your children have the opportunity to feel as happy as you can be.
I would still give the children age appropriate chores and expect them to do their homework, I will just have better capacity to run this approach.

Extra information:

• You and your husband both struggle badly with your mental health and are currently at (or beyond?) capacity
• Due to money from a (awful) death in the family, you own your own home (no mortgage, only bills)

I would change jobs first , if it was a nice to have rather than a necessity situation. Maybe something term time only.

If it was a necessity, like my child really struggling and needing me there, then I definitely would if financially viable. Maybe even if not.

No way. I need to work not only because it's intellectually and socially stimulating but also to remind myself and my family that I am a person with my own needs, hopes and dreams and not just a helpmeet.

If your mental health is suffering, this would be a terrible thing for you to do.

Not for me because it would mean sacrificing my aspirations to prioritise everyone else. But everyone's different.

I did not fight for women's lib so that those who choose to parent are insulted.

What does this mean? Are people who work not parenting?

100% yes, if it was financially doable and it benefitted the family, I'd do it without a second thought.

Yes I would. I care far more about the happiness of my family than serving society.

Is it serving society or paying essential bills?

Not on your nelly.

It benefits children to have 2 working parents, they do better.

No capable adult should be financially dependent on another.

No

There’s also just as many threads on here about women who are now vulnerable and trapped in shitty situations because they gave up their financial independence to be SAHM’s.

Doesn’t sound pleasant to me.

Absolutely not! I believe in financial independence. If my husband walked tomorrow I want to still be able to feed my child!

If your DH is struggling mentally already, would it really be in his best interests to be the sole earner?

I would, and I did. DS1 was nine, struggling with school and making it clear that he needed me around. I quit my job until he was more settled. I went back full time when my youngest started secondary. I don't regret putting my child's needs first.

Well i think your ambitions are too high. I have three kids,o don't work, no way does all that happen. I'll concede I'm also studying part time but even so. Aim lower

However,of you and your DH are both at the point of your mental health collapsing, then something needs to change.

If you're not gaining anything but money from work and you can manage without it, give yourself 6 months and then restart looking for work of things aren't working out.

But make sure you have access to movey, make sure he still pulls his weight when he's at home, if it isn't helping you then stop it

This describes me. I didn't work at all until they were 8 and 11 then went back in a very limited way. They - and a calm and cohesive atmosphere at home - has always been my top priority. They are happy and well adjusted and I have no regrets about putting them first.

Yes, I think of myself as the family manager. Everything goes so much more smoothly, everyone's stress is down, kids have more play dates, we have people over to dinner so everyone's social life and friendships are stronger which leads to a happier life all around for everyone. Our families support network is stronger in times when we need, there are so many positives.

no

none of those things will have any impact on child happiness.

Absolutely not.

I would not.

But if my DH was pulling the whole 'I'm too mentally exhausted to parent' card, I'd actively encourage him to jib off work so he could do it all while I went to work.

Yes, I think of myself as the family manager. Everything goes so much more smoothly, everyone's stress is down, kids have more play dates, we have people over to dinner so everyone's social life and friendships are stronger which leads to a happier life all around for everyone. Our families support network is stronger in times when we need, there are so many positives

@newusernamelouie

I'm intrigued by this, how many play dates do you have? I also don't understand how work stops you having a social life, some of my closest & reliable friends are from work whereas there's only a few families I'm really close with if meeting through dc. Granted I do have strong family support as well.

I think the life you are suggesting is worth considering. I know the majority of posters will think you are nuts but if it works for you why not.

@Muminthewest I'm also pt & will continue to be when then the dc are in secondary as I think dc also need you then too, I prefer the approach of working longer pt as opposed to not & then going ft & admittedly I love my job & colleagues.
I wouldn't say everything runs super smooth but we have a routine. DH does work from home 2/3 days a week so between us drop offs/pick ups aren't an issue. We do have a cleaner, handyman etc & often use a meal delivery service like Gusto. The dc clubs are either at school or in the local area & because I don't work late there isn't an issue getting to them or fitting in homework.
Obviously it depends if mentally you can "take it" but with the help of money & flexibility in your job I don't think it needs to be either/or.

No because it's largely just drudgery and I can't see how it would make our house happier because I would be miserable and grumpy. I don't think there's enough to keep anyone with two kids at school occupied by 'managing' the house, unless you live in Downton Abbey.

DH and I both work and both take equal responsibility for all those things. We have arranged our working lives so between us, at least one of us generally always around for the kids, though. But it's important for me that my girls see equitable division of labour and have a male role model who is equally involved in the household management.

But really it doesn't matter what anyone else would do. This is your life and if that's how you want to spend it and your husband agrees that it's feasible then go for it.

No, I have to admit I am now imaging being stood there with my husbands pipe and slippers and 2 perfectly well behaved little cherubs whose head spins around after we have gone to bed, with one eye open

Seriously though no!

Your job is currently part time, so I would be expecting these things to be part of life anyway. Have you considered PT TTO?