Trauma or Autism or neither.

[StrugglesSadness]

Firstly, I apologize for the length.

My son first started displaying worrying behaviour when he was 1.5. Flying into a rage & not being able to calm down for hours & hours. By 3, I asked for help, I did parenting courses & learned he suffers from anxiety.

Sister born.

Age 4 me & his dad split up. He was was still around a lot, we still had family days out. My son witnessed some shouting between us. It wasn't all harmonious.

By the age of 6 the behaviour had turned violent towards myself. I'm walking on eggshells. Anything sets him off. A Caff was opened. Anxiety was noted. Advice like 'Just walk away' leading me to wander around the house carrying my 2 year old, for hours. Exhausting myself & being attacked constantly from behind.

Covid. Home schooling, if my son can see the work there on the laptop, then he has to get it done. He won't have a break or rest if he can see work there.

Age 8 2nd Caff opened. This Support worker put all of the blame on myself & I agree. Support worker tells me not to cry in front of my son as it 'Makes him think that I am weak'. I am weak.

Behaviour is now absolutely horrendous. Leaving the home, extreme violence. Talks about wanting to kill himself. Gets hold of knives & uses anything he can as weapons. My heart is breaking for my son. Violence extends to his sister.

This lovely school worker mentions Autism & PDA. (She has left now. Beyond gutted) Maybe I can finally make things better for my son... Support worker is having none of it. Constantly tells me that meltdowns are happening because my son is 'Tired/hungry/bored/it's normal' Etc. Etc.

I complain to her manager & ask for the Caff to be closed if that's all the help she's going to be. Caff has been opened for a year & a half, we get a new support worker & keep it open.

New worker is on board with the 'Possible autism'. Tells me it's not my fault.
School is a bit... 'There's a few things going on but nothing of much concern, however, we are concerned re his behaviour at home. (Also, sister is crying in class & tells them that he hurts her)

so (almost done!) Here we are now. We are having family therapy sessions & the therapist has decided that my son is suffering from trauma due to his dad leaving, & that it's nothing like autism. He's dropped this bombshell on me.

I'm not sure where to go from here. When I google, there's clearly overlaps between autism/Trauma. How do I know which one it is? (If it's any) what do I do?

Obviously the thought of my son walking around traumatised is just horrendous. How can I help him? Surely if it's trauma then he needs counselling or something?

I know that nobody on here can actually tell me, I just feel so lost.

Stay strong. You’re doing all you can.

Strugglesadness my son is the same age as yours and he has become much more aggressive recently. He has 1:1 support at school and doesn't tend to exhibit the same behaviours there. Yesterday though he start hitting other children. School have asked my permission to refer him to Early Help - they feel that will lead to a more co-ordinated response from the different agencies involved and hopefully help with my requested move to special school. We shall see ...

Hi dimples76 I hope you have some luck with the early help team, don't let this thread put you off!

Thank you for sharing your story, I hope it doesn't take too long (I've got no idea about these things) to move your son to a special school.

I heard back from school 'This is not something that we offer as a school but I can recommend somebody who you can go to privately'

Therapist has read the message & not answered.

Support worker didn't phone even though I sent her a message too explaining what I was asking people & telling her that we cannot manage how we are.

My son came out of school in floods of tears the second he left the teacher, absolutely inconsolable as he has been told his new teacher & doesn't like them. He's ripped & screwed up his 'Welcome' letter & shoved it into my hands as I tried to console him & he tried to run off.

I was going to go back & talk to his teacher but they were talking to another parent & also my son started screaming & begging me not to talk to them.

All in all, a bad day

How disappointing. Still get the name of the person you can see privately. Maybe they offer an interest free way to pay the assessment fee over a few months and can then refer you back into NHS for the actual therapy.

Oh no I’m sorry that sucks. Do you think he’ll get used to the new teacher?

Hi Girlattheback. He was upset before bed, but it didn't turn into a meltdown. I think he will worry about this for the whole 6 week holidays now as he has done before.

They've mixed the classes (after mixing them last year) & he's had his current teacher twice now so he is very attached to him. He's the only one who he's ever spoken to about anything, so this change of teacher was always going to be rough.

Is the teacher he has now still at the school in September? Maybe school would agree to regular 'check in' with your son to see how he is? Tbh the school don't sound that helpful. Are they saying that no pupils ever see the EP? That sounds highly unlikely. I'd contact the person they have named though as a pp said.

Fingers crossed for a good day today.

Thank you AceofPentacles He's mentioned retiring so I'm not sure, but if he is there then I'm certain he will do something like this, as he did it for year 4 (in between when he wasn't my son's teacher anymore) But the problem is my son won't go to anybody unless they are actually there right in front of him so (Just basing it on year 4) my son won't go to him once he isn't his teacher anymore.

I'm not happy with the school right now tbh. They keep telling me that my son is overly attached to this teacher but he's had him twice so he would be! (I thought that was a one off tbh as it was lockdown 2 & all the teachers were teaching different years to their usual)

And then my daughter comes out yesterday & says she has her same teacher from this year, for next year as well! So they are setting these kids up to get overly attached to these teachers.

Well they aren't exactly selling themselves on this thread are they... I've still not heard from our support worker, or the therapist now

I was trying to find an app where I can write my notes on my tablet instead of keep doing them by hand, does anybody know one?

I have loads of notebooks scattered about & these meltdowns that last for hours take up pages & pages so I was just trying to get them all down in one place (& taking up less space)

Very disappointing phonecall with support worker. Feeling really low. Deflated.

She doesn't think an educational psychologist is the right way to go as it's more for problems at school. A child psychologist possibly but she's still not keen. But she will pursue any avenue that I'd like. So she's going to ask the Psychologist who works with them (who I had 6 sessions with) if he has any recommendations but she said the waiting lists are years long.

I asked what can be done now? Because nothings changing, everything's getting worse & everybody's talking but nothings actually getting done? & She said some waffle about there being light at the end of the tunnel & the school meeting (which is pointless)

So, she had nothing to say. Made me feel wrong for mentioning a psychologist & her input is nothing.

Op - I don’t think you have an ECHP. I think you may need to apply for a needs assessment. In accordance with SEN Reg 6, this will involve and EP assessment. I would recommend salt and OT - you can reasonably request this - as part of the statutory assessment process. Contact your local Sendias for support.

Thank you imip I will contact Sendiass.

I found my old emails to Sendiass, it was back in 2021 & they asked for more info which I gave & then never heard back. This was obviously before anybody had mentioned Autism to me.

I've emailed again with all of the new info.

It's a bad habit of mine that if somebody stops responding (when I need an answer) then I don't follow it up but I'm trying to rectify that, I've also contacted his swimming teacher's manager as my last 3 emails to her have gone unanswered & it took a hell of a lot for me to get him comfortable with her/the place & I don't want to lose that.

You may need to push with sendiass as all services are pretty overwhelmed. I hope it will be helpful.

You could actually say you want help with obtaining an EHCP because you think a needs assessment will give more of an understanding of his needs in education and how to support them. They should be used to a coke bottle effect of kids storing up their stress at school and letting out at home.

Thank you imip I did specify that's what I need help with.

This is making me angry. Your ds is clearly ND with possibly PDA and a therapist is fannying around talking shit.

Can you get your GP involved?

Arrrrhg. MP not gp

Thank you ArseInTheCoOpWindow I did a few months ago, he wasn't much use. He apparently bought up Special need provisions at parliament or something, said there's no way to get him moved up the waiting list for assessment (I wasn't asking for that, I was asking for help whilst you are waiting)
& Sent me a copy of our notes from the Wellbeing service.

You definitely need the EHCP needs assessment as soon as possible and the EP and SALT reports that you should request and be given might be useful for your ASD assessment when you finally get there. It would be helpful if you could find a local advocate or help from a charity/SENDIAS for support with doing this. Have you joined any local ASD groups as this is a good way to find mothers in the same position and also ones who have navigated the EHCP system. There are also lots of local PDA groups - ours runs over Zoom. The PDA society should be able to help with this. I joined them before diagnosis and it was incredibly helpful. If you want to tell us whereabouts you are in the UK people might have local suggestions (but understand if you don't want to do this).

I think they can be moved up when cases are as difficult as yours?

They can usually only be moved up when you are at risk of becoming an inpatient on the dynamic support register.

There is so much overlap with trauma behaviours in children and autism. Actually the way to parent both is very similar too.

I am a member of a trauma informed parent forum and I use this to guide me with my autistic children.

As others have said only a professional can diagnose and if trauma has been a part of the past or present they will take a much much longer time to make that diagnosis. Trauma mimics autism.

Our diagnosis of autism for my youngest took an extra two years until they were sure they had it right.

I think they do have it right but I'm constantly deciphering what's trauma behaviour and what's autism and what's normal teenage angst.

I've spoken to PDA society & they said from what I told them it sounds like PDA Autism but that not everybody will test for that (I know that) she said that the therapist was never going to work but that she understands why I didn't want to refuse the sessions. She said to push back against school for more help but I just don't know how to do that really.

I've also done an anxiety course online today (I misunderstood that, I thought it was going to be about anxiety in my son but it was for my anxiety dealing with my son)

It was good. They said the usual calming techniques but a variation of one which I'm going to try. At first I was thinking 'I can't do any of these though as when we are in the middle of it I can barely even breathe let alone think of a calming technique... But after listening some more, I get it now.

Thank you inloveandmarried I hope things aren't too difficult for you all now.
The thing that bothers me is the therapist said trauma & then didn't suggest anything further. (He's also still not responded to my question about a psychologist)I just can't get my head around how a professional can say 'This child is suffering from trauma from his dad leaving, but I'm not going to do anything to help'.