Mum looks after DS 2 days per week, but doesn’t do any activities….

[HJB2021]

Hi

My mum has DS for usually 2 days per week whilst I work, he is 20 months. I’m extremely grateful for her having him, and is saving us a fortune. She is so loving and adores DS, I just feel a bit worried because he stays in her home all day, and mostly in the living room. She plays with him but they don’t even go out for a walk (he hates his pram), he has a long nap so that breaks up the day. She’s too shy to go to groups, she’s too scared to take him to the park (he is unstable on his feet and tries to run everywhere).

When I pick him up I try fit in soft play some days so he’s done something. When I’m with him I get him out as much as possible so he usually has busy days. I’m just worried as he loves being out the house, and am I being a bad mum putting him in this situation?

I feel really down about it tbh and don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings.

thanks

Hmmmm, if this is genuine then how about you pay for childcare instead and then you can dictate exactly what you want them to do.

My dd went to my dm for two days and they did very similar to what you describe. To be honest the fact that dd had my dm’s undivided attention was enough. It sounds as though you do plenty of bits with him so he’s getting a nice balance?

My dd is almost 18 now and has the loveliest relationship with my dm - they’re very close.

Just wow. Honestly your mum is a Saint taking a toddler 2 days.

Well I don’t want to hurt my mums feelings. I prefer her to be with him, so I know he’s safe and loved. Is it unfair to keep him indoors 2 days per week? I’m considering have a chat about nursery, but then I think he will be very anxious at nursery. I don’t want any negativity please, I’m honestly just trying to do my best

This is the kind of issue you have when you rely on parents for childcare instead of paying a professional set up. I would put my child in nursery and let my mum enjoy her retirement.

2 days playing inside with his gran is totally fine no child's development has been harmed by staying home 2 days out of 7, least you are saving money so you can take him places eh.

Does she have a garden?

He'll be fine - it's only 2 days a week, and you're busy with him the remaining 5 days. He's with his granny who adores him and who presumably he adores in turn.

He has 1 to 1 attention from someone who loves him so what is the problem? At his age he doesn't need to be rushing from one activity to the next.

You either accept the free childcare how it is or you pay out for private childcare.

Does your mum have access to a garden? Not getting any fresh air all day isn't great. But otherwise she sounds lovely.

I think it is lovely that he spends one to one time with his grandmother who loves him.
Back in the day this was normal and toddlers didn't require a constant round of (expensive) activities.
Don't worry.

I don't think it's a problem at 20 months. You could perhaps buy some music or craft stuff like big crayons and finger paints and apron so he can do that kind of thing with your mum. I'm sure she will become more confident with a walk to the park as he gets older or she may be able to do the school run in time to come.

Also now the weather is brightening up she might want to take him out more. Your Mum is an absolute angel.
In some ways it’s good because he will get used to playing and not constantly entertained with days out all the time.

Sounds fine to me! 2 days at home with his grans undivided attention and the rest of the week out and about with you. Sounds like a good balance, its good for him to play with toys, do craft or inside activities that he wouldnt be able to do while your taking him all over the place!

Thank you, I feel a lot better about it. He is so loved by her and that makes it a lot easier being away from him. I am so lucky to have such a wonderful mum who is supporting me, I just always have this pressure to be keeping him busy. I over think everything 🙈

Yeah I don't want to sound like a total oldie but "in my day" my dc were not out every day .

No it isn't unfair to keep him indoors for 2 days a week - I'd say it's unfair to raise him with an expectation of fun, out of the house activities every day and unable to cope with chill time at home. If you're usually really intense about doing lots of activities then I think this will be doing him the world of good.

At that age it doesn't matter. As long as your son isn't indoors all week it's not really an issue. I'm sure he's getting lots of interaction/play time with grandma. Expensive activities are usually more for the parents to socialise or keep the kids distracted. Unless you want to pay for childcare of course.

Does your mum have access to a garden? Not getting any fresh air all day isn't great. But otherwise she sounds lovely.

How do you know that she doesn't have any windows in her house?! It's a (presumably) perfectly normal home setup, not a dank, dark basement prison!

Learning to be bored and not constantly entertained is important.

Back in the day this was normal and toddlers didn't require a constant round of (expensive) activities.

My DMum and ML and Aunts all seemed to think going out every day was odd and pottering in house all day was normal - with one or two trips out to groups in week at most.

He does things with you rest of the week - so I think it's fine.

All the more reason to send him. Needs to build up his confidence for school. And 2 days a week inside being played with is absolutely fine. We over schedule kids now. We don’t need to constant be doing stuff with them.

Children don't need to do an activity every day of the week.

When DC was little, we did toddler group once a week, and went out shopping one day a week and maybe did stuff at the weekend like park or swimming etc, but we did not go out every single day of the week.

Playing quietly on their own, using their imagination etc is a good skill to learn.

It sounds like you are putting too much pressure on yourself to do stuff every day . I had a friend like this, who just couldn't stay home.

I've had my various grandchildren for 2 days a week for the last 9 years. Still have all 4 of them once a week in the holidays, and one of them once a week all the time. Sometimes I do nothing with them, and they happily play around me and whatever tasks I'm doing.
Sometimes we go out, but that's for my benefit usually! I asked the youngest one what she likes best about coming to my house and she said playing in the conservatory.
Honestly, if your mum is happier staying in and it would be too much for her to go out, I think you should just leave her to it and stop worrying.