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Original poster

Mum looks after DS 2 days per week, but doesn’t do any activities….

308 replies

HJB2021 · 10/05/2023 13:29

Hi

My mum has DS for usually 2 days per week whilst I work, he is 20 months. I’m extremely grateful for her having him, and is saving us a fortune. She is so loving and adores DS, I just feel a bit worried because he stays in her home all day, and mostly in the living room. She plays with him but they don’t even go out for a walk (he hates his pram), he has a long nap so that breaks up the day. She’s too shy to go to groups, she’s too scared to take him to the park (he is unstable on his feet and tries to run everywhere).

When I pick him up I try fit in soft play some days so he’s done something. When I’m with him I get him out as much as possible so he usually has busy days. I’m just worried as he loves being out the house, and am I being a bad mum putting him in this situation?

I feel really down about it tbh and don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings.

thanks

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triplechocbrownie · 10/05/2023 15:05

HJB2021 · 10/05/2023 13:34

Well I don’t want to hurt my mums feelings. I prefer her to be with him, so I know he’s safe and loved. Is it unfair to keep him indoors 2 days per week? I’m considering have a chat about nursery, but then I think he will be very anxious at nursery. I don’t want any negativity please, I’m honestly just trying to do my best

Most nurseries won't be able to take the kids on field trips and likely have short stints in a shared garden. Most of the time they'll be in a shared room with many more children than staff. Can your mum take your DS into her own garden now the weather is nicer?
Otherwise, I wouldn't worry. He's probably having a nice time and will be a change of scene from your own house.

pontipinemum · 10/05/2023 15:06

He's fine. He's building a wonderful relationship with his granny. I would say that though, I bring my son no where 😱before he started nursery I took him to the local play group once a week for an hour. He does 3 days in nursery now and they days he is with me are just around the house. He watches me do laundry/ cook/ clean. It's 9 months so now crawls from room to room with me.

We visit my ILs at the weekend and do something on Sundays but that tends to be it.

PiriPiriChicken · 10/05/2023 15:11

I don’t have grandparental childcare like this, so maybe I’m looking at this all wrong but “going to grandma’s” is an activity in my house. 😅

If my MIL invites us over for a coffee on a Sunday, I don’t factor in any other activities for my kids. That’s the day’s outing right there.

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Tophy124 · 10/05/2023 15:12

Pay for childcare then? You’re extremely privileged. Are you not actually giving your mum any money towards this even tho it’s saving you a fortune?! No you’re just using your mum for unpaid labor. I find this disgraceful actually.

inamarina · 10/05/2023 15:12

Wantcattostoppeeing · 10/05/2023 13:35

He has 1 to 1 attention from someone who loves him so what is the problem? At his age he doesn't need to be rushing from one activity to the next.

You either accept the free childcare how it is or you pay out for private childcare.

Fully agree with this.
To be honest, I never had fully packed days with my own kids either. We would go for walks or the playground most days (if the weather was decent), soft play and groups less so.

Two days a week isn’t going to do him any harm, especially since he’s spending time with his grandmother who loves him and plays with him.

I also think it’s important that your mum feels comfortable - if she feels too shy to go to playgroups that’s fine. She’s being generous and helpful already.

aSofaNearYou · 10/05/2023 15:13

PiriPiriChicken · 10/05/2023 15:11

I don’t have grandparental childcare like this, so maybe I’m looking at this all wrong but “going to grandma’s” is an activity in my house. 😅

If my MIL invites us over for a coffee on a Sunday, I don’t factor in any other activities for my kids. That’s the day’s outing right there.

Good point, me too!

lalaloopyhead · 10/05/2023 15:14

Don't worry, apart from anything it is 2 days out of 7. Look at it as down time and time that he gets to develope a close bond with your Mum.
I think being out and about all the time is a relatively new thing - there was no such thing as soft play places when I was a child and going to the post office with my Mum to collect the family allowance or round to the neighbours while she had a coffee/chat was about as exciting as it got on a normal preschool age day.
As long as he is not being left in a corner and ignored he will be absolutely fine.

quirkyquerty · 10/05/2023 15:16

My mum often comments (nicely!) to me about how much the kids are out and about all the time, she says when we were young they didn't have much money and spent nearly all of our time at home playing, pottering about, reading, watching films etc. I'd like to think it didn't do me any harm, I hope!

It's nice to have some chilled time in the week for little ones, too. I think social media can make us feel like we need to be at clubs and groups constantly, but this isn't the case.

choccielover36 · 10/05/2023 15:16

My mum and my mother in law used to have my dcs 1 day each. My mum took them out to do activities and my mother in law was the same as yours. I used to worry but as it turned our the dcs much preferred the day at home with my mother in law. She gave them all of her attention and just played. They are older now and have a really lovely bond. 😄

Korgunk · 10/05/2023 15:16

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Coffeepott · 10/05/2023 15:18

Would it help to frame it in your head as he has gone somewhere - he's gone from your house to her house? As others have said, nurseries would often have them playing in the same room or garden, without outings, but with less 121 attention. If you went to a friends house on a play date, does that count as an "outing"?

The big deal is does he sit in front of a screen for seven hours - not acceptable - or are they doing things together? If she has a garden, would she be happy for you to buy something like tomato plants or sunflowers that they could look after together as an activity?

MitchellMummy · 10/05/2023 15:21

Back in the day this was quite normal! You'll end up with a child who is happy to be at home and not pressured to doing things all the time. Your Mum sounds lovely. Children & puppies all need time to chill out and do nowt for part of each day.

PiriPiriChicken · 10/05/2023 15:21

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Get a load of this! 🙄🙄🙄

1037370E · 10/05/2023 15:23

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No OP, do not do this. The idea of installing a baby monitor in your mum's house so that you can basically check up on her, is just wrong. Your baby is safe, loved and cared for, that's what matters, not somebody else's commission.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 10/05/2023 15:24

He IS 'doing something' he's at his gran's house. Hee not even 2, he doesn't need to be doing something structured every day.

Heretomakeadiff · 10/05/2023 15:28

Weather being so crap, not everyone takes their kids out everyday and how do you manage childcare for rest 3 days?

JudgeRudy · 10/05/2023 15:28

There are plenty of people who spend the majority of their time indoors. Most weekdays I drive to work, spent the whole day indoors (no open windows) then driven home. Some nights I'll call into the supermarket or visit a friend and sit in their living room or the pub. My fresh air is walking across a car park to my car.
I was a SAH parent for first 2 year of my daughters life and walked into town with the pram/buggy most days but I didn't play as such, just interacted.
I think the love and stability your mum offers is enough. She may not be at soft play but l bet she'll be chatting away and explaining to baby how Nana is making a sandwich or putting the laundry in. That's valuable. Dies she have a garden? An hour of fresh air is fine.

honeylulu · 10/05/2023 15:33

I had very "busy" kids who liked doing stuff but this sounds fine to me. As another poster said, going to grandma's is an activity. A journey at each end, different house, different food/dining table, different toys, different cot to nap in, different garden. Mine went to FT nursery but guess what they spent most of the time each day indoors and in one room! You've said your mum plays with him and that's brilliant. He's not plonked in front of the telly and ignored all day (not that I'm bothered about kids having a bit of telly).

Blueeyedpoggle · 10/05/2023 15:35

You're worrying too much.
It's fine. You're getting two days free childcare.

I'd much rather that and spending quality time with grandma, albeit in the house, than pay ridiculous amounts for childcare.

Blueeyedpoggle · 10/05/2023 15:36

As others have said, it's also a change of scenery.
I sometimes take my daughter to my grandma's just for a change of scenery. She is happy enough rifling through her jewellery collection all day.

Your child is very easily pleased at that age.

Wishimaywishimight · 10/05/2023 15:38

If he "hates his pram" perhaps she doesn't want to deal with the stress of him getting upset?

Sounds like a lucky toddler to get to spend lots of time with a loving grandmother.

DidyouNO · 10/05/2023 15:39

Why does he have to be taken somewhere to 'do stuff' everyday. Most children even a few years ago were happy to be together with family, play at home, watch or help with food prep, go out in the garden and play. Kids don't need paid or out-of-home activities daily. to be happy. Remember Covid? My kids loved it!

Booklover40 · 10/05/2023 15:41

I’m a sahm and was at home with 4 dcs (not altogether) and they also did playgroup a few mornings a week. Weather depending I would take them for a walk to the park sometimes and take them to soft play maybe once a fortnight but I certainly didn’t take them out every day or keep them constantly busy.

They are now confident, clever teens/adults and as far as I’m aware haven’t suffered any trauma from not being made to do daily activities. They were usually happiest playing with their toys at home and watching CBeebies!

Chill out OP, no one is judging you but yourself.

HauntedPencil · 10/05/2023 15:42

Look this will be totally fine for 2 days and he'll have a lovely bond with your mum. Help her out with things they can do in the garden toys books etc.

You can take him out and about other days. I think you are asking out of a good place just worrying about him rather than complaining about your mum. It'll be short lived too he'll be in nursery/school soon enough.

lanthanum · 10/05/2023 15:45

If he's happy at her house, don't worry about it. If he's bouncing off the walls when he's there, then yes, they maybe need to get out a bit. It sounds like it's the former at the moment.

I can understand nervousness about taking an active toddler to the park if she's unsure she can keep up. Perhaps keep an eye out for fenced playgrounds that might be useful when he's a little older and can run around more independently - fenced so that she doesn't have to worry about him escaping, other than through the gate.

If there's a good toddler group on one of "her" days, then maybe next time you get the chance of a day off you could go with her to the group - she might then be less shy about going on her own - especially if she discovers that she's not the only gran there.