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Original poster

Mum looks after DS 2 days per week, but doesn’t do any activities….

308 replies

HJB2021 · 10/05/2023 13:29

Hi

My mum has DS for usually 2 days per week whilst I work, he is 20 months. I’m extremely grateful for her having him, and is saving us a fortune. She is so loving and adores DS, I just feel a bit worried because he stays in her home all day, and mostly in the living room. She plays with him but they don’t even go out for a walk (he hates his pram), he has a long nap so that breaks up the day. She’s too shy to go to groups, she’s too scared to take him to the park (he is unstable on his feet and tries to run everywhere).

When I pick him up I try fit in soft play some days so he’s done something. When I’m with him I get him out as much as possible so he usually has busy days. I’m just worried as he loves being out the house, and am I being a bad mum putting him in this situation?

I feel really down about it tbh and don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings.

thanks

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Oxonresident · 10/05/2023 13:41

I've had my various grandchildren for 2 days a week for the last 9 years. Still have all 4 of them once a week in the holidays, and one of them once a week all the time. Sometimes I do nothing with them, and they happily play around me and whatever tasks I'm doing.
Sometimes we go out, but that's for my benefit usually! I asked the youngest one what she likes best about coming to my house and she said playing in the conservatory.
Honestly, if your mum is happier staying in and it would be too much for her to go out, I think you should just leave her to it and stop worrying.

Mrsjayy · 10/05/2023 13:41

blahblahblah1654 · 10/05/2023 13:39

Learning to be bored and not constantly entertained is important.

Yes, this is just as important.

RunningFromInsanity · 10/05/2023 13:41

She is saving you thousands of pounds. Perhaps buy her some chocolates rather than complaining.

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Garethkeenansstapler · 10/05/2023 13:44

Mrsjayy · 10/05/2023 13:37

Yeah I don't want to sound like a total oldie but "in my day" my dc were not out every day .

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I agree when I was a small child in the early 90s we didn’t ‘do things’ every day. Certainly not weekly trips to soft play either. It was mainly garden, park, going on errands with mum and the odd play date with other kids or a group. I had a few siblings though which probably helped the social side of things.

I agree with Pp letting kids be bored is really important, I’m convinced over time tabling kids is leading to behavioural problems - they get to school and have no idea how to sit still and concentrate

TripleDaisySummer · 10/05/2023 13:44

I did take my kids out every day at this age - but that was mostly for my mental health so I saw other adults and didn't have the walls closing in on me.

My kids are perfectly able to entertain themselves and don't expect to be out all the time - but if GM is happy to be in it really isn't a bad thing at all.

ZeroFuchsGiven · 10/05/2023 13:45

HJB2021 · 10/05/2023 13:37

Thank you, I feel a lot better about it. He is so loved by her and that makes it a lot easier being away from him. I am so lucky to have such a wonderful mum who is supporting me, I just always have this pressure to be keeping him busy. I over think everything 🙈

Kids do not need to rush from one thing to another, I dont understand why some people think just being at home will harm their kids in any way.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 10/05/2023 13:47

Why would there be so many children's books, indoor toys and even (in moderation) kids' TV programmes - if there wasn't the expectation that young children would ever spend any of their waking hours indoors?

DoTrollsShitInTheThreads · 10/05/2023 13:47

It's really important for children to learn to be able to entertain themselves. Being bored is good too. Helps with imagination. Stop worrying, op. He is safe and loved.

Wrongsideofpennines · 10/05/2023 13:48

I suppose its what she's doing with him all day. If it's that she sticks him in front if a screen and ignores him. Or he just plays with his toys with little interaction then I might ask her to do a few more things with him.
On the other hand if she's reading to him, building towers, singing, baking, drawing, playdough, playing in the garden etc etc then that's fine.

You don't have to go out somewhere every day. And as he grows it will probably change as he will be more steady on his feet for him to go to the park, or happier on reins for a local walk. She may become more confident at going to groups once he's talking a bit more. One of the groups I go to I'm literally the only mum - every other adult there is a grandparent. She may find a group similar somewhere.

Megifer · 10/05/2023 13:50

lunaloveroo · 10/05/2023 13:35

Does your mum have access to a garden? Not getting any fresh air all day isn't great. But otherwise she sounds lovely.

Why isn't getting air from outside for 8 hours x 2 days a week not great? What will happen? Confused

CluelessHamster · 10/05/2023 13:52

Don't worry.

Her playing with him, talking to him and giving him 1:1 attention will be brilliant for his language development. Plus he will develop a lovely relationship with her.

It's not like she is parking him in front of the telly all day. It also sounds like you balance it out with active stuff on the days he's with you.

You might find, as he gets older, more steady on his feet, and drops his nap, she might decide herself to take him to the park or something to break the day up and burn off some energy but, currently, it sounds like a fine set up to me.

Turqky · 10/05/2023 13:53

My mum minded my son 5 days a week enabling me to work full time. In the early days my partner’s job meant he would pick my son up around lunchtime then when my son was at school my partner worked different hours so mum had my son for full days during the holidays. She took him everywhere on the bus and train. He’s an adult now and will still see a place and say “I used to love going there with Nan”.

It’s a shame for both your mum and son that they don’t get out and about to be honest

Workawayxx · 10/05/2023 13:56

I think a couple of days a week just playing etc for him isn't a problem and getting to bond and interact with a loving grandparent. Presumably from 3 or when his hours kick in, he'll be in preschool some of the time anyway? Does she have a garden they can go in as it's getting warmer/nicer weather?

Goodoccasionallypoor · 10/05/2023 13:57

Why do you feel the need to keep him busy?

I understand your mum's concern about taking him out if he runs off / my son did that and it's terrifying/ exhausting. Would you consider getting a backpack with reins if that would make her more confident?

BeastOfBODMAS · 10/05/2023 14:00

My pushchair-reluctant DD has one of those tricycles with a push handle for Nanny’s house and she adores it, feels really grown up going for adventures on her ‘bike’. Could you offer to get one of these?

Mummyof287 · 10/05/2023 14:02

I don't think you're being unreasonable wanting this, although i wouldn't stress over it too much as the main thing is he is getting the loving care side of things.

Maybe leave out some activities they can do at home together, and setup some things in the garden now the weather is getting better? Perhaps sand/water play? Builders trays are fab you could make small world scenes in them there's loads of images on Google to give you inspiration.

DisforDarkChocolate · 10/05/2023 14:03

FFS! Leave your poor mother alone.

Fairhut · 10/05/2023 14:04

I don't think it will harm him, but it's not what I'd choose for my own dc. Mine have been used to doing activities and being outdoors since they were tiny, and they'd feel frustrated at being home all day. But if I were depending on parents for childcare I don't know if I could insist on them taking the dc out. If it were me, I'd probably prefer to use a nursery, which obviously would cost more.

kindmama15 · 10/05/2023 14:04

Mine have always loved a home day or two a week. Helps them catch up on naps, gives them a chance to play with their toys and be with their things. He’s still going out if he is going to nanny’s house.

starlight2023 · 10/05/2023 14:04

My mum used to have my kids 3 days a week at that age and they always stayed home (although she did have a garden) my kids loved it, they did crafts, games, cooking etc x

Sirzy · 10/05/2023 14:05

Children need time at home and time chill. Planning things every day stops them learning how to entertain themselves.

FinallyHere · 10/05/2023 14:08

Is it unfair to keep him indoors 2 days per week?

121 adult attention and a safe place to be is all your DC needs for two days a week.

It's all good. Try not to worry, remember the phrase 'it's all good'.

AuntieJune · 10/05/2023 14:09

When the pandemic started my kids were 9mo and 3.5. Remember the days when we were only allowed out for a half hour walk a day? It's amazing how much activity you can do in a home when you put your mind to it. DD spent days on end playing with potato peelings, drawing on patio slabs, wrapping things in pieces of fabric then unwrapping them etc.

If she was sitting him in front of the TV the whole time I'd be worried, and as he gets older she might find he asks to go out. But for now I'd let them enjoy it! It's a modern thing to think you need to cart your kids around to activities the whole time, they're not bad but they're mainly there to stop the mums going mad with boredom. Kids will find entertainment anywhere.

If you can, give him a bit of fresh air and time outside on days he's with her, before or after seeing her.

Blessedbethefruitz · 10/05/2023 14:10

For getting out and about, get some reigns and or a push trike with a stick for her to push with on the back. My bds refused the buggy too but he loves his bike.

I don't think children actually need to be out every day. 4 full days of nursery is a lot for my ds still at 4, we usually stay home one of the other 3 days. He really enjoys his chill time at home with his toys. But for getting out the energy on those days, we have dance parties and the bubble machine, both of which are stimulating and fun :) We do one group a week, but it's a tiny stories and songs thing - I'd compare it to going to grandma's house, the lady who runs it is amazing with the kids, and there's never more than 8.

I firmly believe kids need time to be bored, to learn to imagine and come up with their own ideas. And their little growing brains need quiet time to process.

itsmylife7 · 10/05/2023 14:11

I feel so sorry for today's parents.
I've no idea when the
" my child must be entertained " every minute of the day comes from.
Children need to learn how to entertain themselves, or you could end up with very bored children.

Parents, or should I say Mothers, stop putting so much pressure on yourselves.