Mum looks after DS 2 days per week, but doesn’t do any activities….

[HJB2021]

Hi

My mum has DS for usually 2 days per week whilst I work, he is 20 months. I’m extremely grateful for her having him, and is saving us a fortune. She is so loving and adores DS, I just feel a bit worried because he stays in her home all day, and mostly in the living room. She plays with him but they don’t even go out for a walk (he hates his pram), he has a long nap so that breaks up the day. She’s too shy to go to groups, she’s too scared to take him to the park (he is unstable on his feet and tries to run everywhere).

When I pick him up I try fit in soft play some days so he’s done something. When I’m with him I get him out as much as possible so he usually has busy days. I’m just worried as he loves being out the house, and am I being a bad mum putting him in this situation?

I feel really down about it tbh and don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings.

thanks

Totally fine staying inside two days a week with a loving grandparent when you take the toddler out on the other days.

I would stop overthinking it.

At that age - ‘activities’ can be chasing a piece of pasta around the floor, seriously I wouldn’t worry about it. Just needs attention, which they are getting, no need for structured group stuff at all.

@HJB2021 , I'm a grandmother and have looked after my now nearly 6 y.o. GS at least one day a week since he was born. Yes I do take him outside but some days we're just here in my house, maybe drawing or painting or baking cookies or gardening. It all depends on the weather, how we both feel, stuff we can do right now etc. If you take your child out on the other days there's really no harm in him staying in at your mother's. Children need their quiet moments as much as they need to be active, and I suppose your mother's house feels like a tranquil haven to your baby. Still I would encourage your mother to actively do things with him, like reading him stories and letting him be creative (drawing, maybe PlayDo), and when your little boy is a bit older and more steady on his feet maybe she could take him to the park.

Two days inside with Granny is absolutely fine, you sound like a worrier and an overthinker. He is loved and cared for, he is in change of environment and because you save money you can afford to take him out on other days. Maybe when he's older, she will take him out occasionally. I would not criticise her in anyway as she is being amazing and you're very lucky.

My DD was looked after by my dad when she was 3 and he was 70. He taught her cake making, gardening, shopping and cleaning. He had a cottage next to us at this time. They also watched films and countdown.
Nowt 19 she is a great baker, an English grammar fiend, loves films and is very tidy. He use to apologise because he wasn't up to 'girl stuff' or soft play. He was a great Manny two days a week. We all miss him as he passed away a few years ago. You mum will be doing fine.

Having two days one to one attention with someone who loves him is a blessing that will stay with him all his life, and you can make up with outings when you are with him.

I think it sounds absolutely fine 🙂. There's plenty of time in the week for running around and being outside or doing activities, some proper one-on-one time with gran is priceless. And he'll be at school/preschool before you know it.

My parents weren't at all involved with our DC and I'm thankful every day for my fabulous mum-in-law - the kids are 14 & 13 now but still have a great relationship with her.

i was a toddler in the 70s. In my family, it was totally normal to put babies/toddlers in a playpen ( think baby prison) and carry on and do your housework as normal. Soft play hadn’t been invented. He will be fine. I can totally understand how taking out an energetic toddler when you are older/frailer is intimidating and feels risky, when you can control all the variables better in your own space. She’s kind to do this for you.