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Parenting

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Original poster

Mum dating a sex offender

332 replies

diegoyeah · 30/04/2023 08:25

I was informed a while ago by social services that the mother of my children (boys 4 and 7) is dating a guy who had admitted to accessing indecent images of children. She then separated from this guy, and I thought all was OK.

My eldest son told me he had been in contact with this guy via a video call ( I'm sure it was just an innocent hello). And so I discovered the relationship had restarted.
I then contacted social services because I wasn't happy with the undue risk.. in response, they informed me that the guy had just been given a 2 year suspended sentence, and they had agreed the recommendation would be for there to be no contact between him and the children.. when i got the closing report, it said parole and MOSOVO classified him as high risk for 13 years of accessing class A child pornography (under 12 involving penetrative sex). Yet social services have put no safeguarding measures in themselves. The mother lied to social services and said my son hadn't spoken to him in a video call, but she told me it did happen under different circumstances than the child described. She has stayed in the relationship and tries to downplay.his crimes.by calling it "image abuse".

It only advice I have had from social services is that I had the right to proactively exercise my parental rights.. but obviously this has its own negative effects..
Any advice?

OP posts:

Passerillage · 30/04/2023 08:31

I'm so sorry that you are going through this. Presumably you having custody (or more custody) is a less negative effect than your children being abused though?

How much time do you have your children now? It defies belief that your ex is risking custody of her children to date this person, but it seems like the only option you have is to pursue full custody if she is knowingly putting them in harm's way. If nothing else, it might wake her up?

DoggosAloud · 30/04/2023 08:31

Cut her off, it’s the only sensible choice. She’s not making good decisions and therefore can’t be trusted around your children. A normal person would be disgusted and want nothing to do with anyone who had done this.

Sorry you’re having to deal with it.

Bamboozleme · 30/04/2023 08:33

It only advice I have had from social services is that I had the right to proactively exercise my parental rights.. but obviously this has its own negative effects..

Like what?

DoggosAloud · 30/04/2023 08:34

Sorry, I read it as your mother.

I would keep the children with you and seek legal advice.

DustyLee123 · 30/04/2023 08:35

Go back to SS with the higher risk, then contact the Safeguarding lead at school/nursery, and report it to the School Nurse/Health Visitor too.
Then look at speaking to a solicitor to get more/full custody.
If the mother won’t safeguard the children, you certainly should,

Whiskeypowers · 30/04/2023 08:36

She’s made her choice and that involves exposing your children to things as a parent we are supposed to protect them from
You need to act accordingly and that involves showing the local authority, court and of course your children that they come first.
if she is determined to carry on seeing this man then the consequences are that she can’t be around her children.

FrancescaContini · 30/04/2023 08:37

I’m so sorry you’re going through this, it’s really chilling to read. It can’t be a coincidence that he’s chosen to date a woman with a children.

I’d alert the school, her family members, her friends about this man - everyone around her and your children - and I’d keep on at the SS.

SunnyLion · 30/04/2023 08:38

2 options, 1 you do nothing & your kids are at risk of being abused.

You seek full custody ASAP.

Surely you don't even have to think about it???

Climbles · 30/04/2023 08:38

Safeguard your children and seek full custody

Stephhh87 · 30/04/2023 08:39

Oh no, so sorry you are going through this…
what kind of mother does that?!!!
I know you are worried about the affects of going a certain route, but you must protect those innocent children. They really should just be with you. You clearly are the only parent who cares for their safety and well-being

MrsSquirrel · 30/04/2023 08:39

What's stopping you from going to court?

TinyRebel · 30/04/2023 08:40

Police, now.

I think you need to pursue getting full custody. It seems like she’s unwilling to keep the children safe. Involve CAFCASS and social services.

Your ex is being targeted by this man to achieve access to your children and she’s too stupid or irresponsible to realise it.

I’m so sorry this is happening to your family.

lunar1 · 30/04/2023 08:42

She's made her choice, now you must protect your children and obtain full custody. She can take you to court.

Newyeardietstartstomorrow · 30/04/2023 08:42

What is the current custody split? Agree with those who say you need to seek full custody. Please don't tell me us you are an every other weekend Dad?

Chowtime · 30/04/2023 08:43

Agree with everyone else. Next time kids come over to you don't send them back. Go for full residency with only supervised contact with the mother.

Sadly, as someone else said - she's been targeted in order to gain access to the children.

NightIsYoungSoAreWe · 30/04/2023 08:45

Do you know his full name etc? I'm wondering if he has had rules imposed on him regarding his suspended sentence. I would be contacting the local probation service, they won't be able to tell you anything but they would be keen to know if he's not sticking to his terms of sentence (ie having contact with children etc).

I'd contact the children's schools also and let them know the risk they are exposed to.
Ultimately I'd need my children away from that risk so I'd be doing what I could to get them with me.
If you have parental responsibility you can just "take them" as we've seen on threads on here.

BanditsOnTheHorizon · 30/04/2023 08:49

Stop contact, there's no way I'd allow my dc to spend time with their mother unsupervised. If she pushes, let her take you to court.

Exactly the same thing happened to my db with awful consequences. It still amazes me that she would want to date a child sex offender, let alone expose her daughter to him.

So no, there's no way I'd allow contact. She's already showed you shes not prepared to follow Ss guidelines and will lie to them.

Original poster

diegoyeah · 30/04/2023 08:50

Bamboozleme · 30/04/2023 08:33

It only advice I have had from social services is that I had the right to proactively exercise my parental rights.. but obviously this has its own negative effects..

Like what?

The negatives? breaking the emotional bond with a mostly ok mother. I mean, she has issues with me, and during our break up, social services did write a report in response to her, hitting one of the kids..but in this report that wasn't mentioned, they did however mention the unrelated fact that I have a record because under provocation I threw eggs on kitchen floor (as she was in room and could have been hit, although wasn't, it technically counts as assault.)

mostly, I see it as a futile disruption of the kids' lives as she has social services mostly on side, so with them and courts default to let mothers do whatever they want, I feel it would be an expensive way to return to square one..

OP posts:

Needanewnamebeingwatched · 30/04/2023 08:55

Your only choice is to go for full custody and ask that she only have supervised visits.

That's the only way you can trust that this man won't have access to your children.

Newyeardietstartstomorrow · 30/04/2023 08:55

The negatives? breaking the emotional bond with a mostly ok mother. not good enough. Okay is not a term for someone who allows contact with a cso.

Chowtime · 30/04/2023 08:56

," I feel it would be an expensive way to return to square one"

Yeah, your gonna have to stump up for legal fees to keep your kids away from an abuser. Is that a problem?

mrsblueskyeye · 30/04/2023 08:56

Anyone else getting the impression that this father has worries about his kids but not enough to give up his current lifestyle to actually try for custody?

Chowtime · 30/04/2023 08:57

mrsblueskyeye · 30/04/2023 08:56

Anyone else getting the impression that this father has worries about his kids but not enough to give up his current lifestyle to actually try for custody?

Yep. You put into words what I was thinking He wants to control the mothers behaviour rather than step in and do whats necessary.

Original poster

diegoyeah · 30/04/2023 08:58

Newyeardietstartstomorrow · 30/04/2023 08:42

What is the current custody split? Agree with those who say you need to seek full custody. Please don't tell me us you are an every other weekend Dad?

No, I work shifts, so I my life is work, kids, work, kids.. 2 nights in 8 plus the majority of my annual leave.

OP posts:

lemonyellows · 30/04/2023 08:58

If the mother is allowing contact with a sex offender, just who is going to protect your children if you don't? It's that your job???

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