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Original poster

Mum dating a sex offender

332 replies

diegoyeah · 30/04/2023 08:25

I was informed a while ago by social services that the mother of my children (boys 4 and 7) is dating a guy who had admitted to accessing indecent images of children. She then separated from this guy, and I thought all was OK.

My eldest son told me he had been in contact with this guy via a video call ( I'm sure it was just an innocent hello). And so I discovered the relationship had restarted.
I then contacted social services because I wasn't happy with the undue risk.. in response, they informed me that the guy had just been given a 2 year suspended sentence, and they had agreed the recommendation would be for there to be no contact between him and the children.. when i got the closing report, it said parole and MOSOVO classified him as high risk for 13 years of accessing class A child pornography (under 12 involving penetrative sex). Yet social services have put no safeguarding measures in themselves. The mother lied to social services and said my son hadn't spoken to him in a video call, but she told me it did happen under different circumstances than the child described. She has stayed in the relationship and tries to downplay.his crimes.by calling it "image abuse".

It only advice I have had from social services is that I had the right to proactively exercise my parental rights.. but obviously this has its own negative effects..
Any advice?

OP posts:
Original poster
diegoyeah · 01/05/2023 14:42

Dervel · 01/05/2023 12:05

I think this would be better off as a support thread, and people might do well to calm down and not get so invested in disputes. Let’s not forget child welfare is at stake here! I’d hate for something actionable and useful to the OP gets lost in a torrent of vitriol and bile.

Anyway to the OP, in extremis you may be able to do this: check any court orders to see if there any penal orders attached in case of breach. If there are not, then you can breach the order by holding onto your kids, but contact the police and social services to explain why. I did this and a very kind Police Officer explained without a penal notice they wouldn’t act in the event of my holding onto my kid, they would leave it up to the court, but I was free to call them if my ex showed up and caused a disturbance.

I followed this up by making an immediate urgent court application, I was lucky as I got one within 5 days. You will also have to keep them off school until an initial hearing, where you will explain your concerns and reasons for breaching any order. The reason you have to keep them off school is that given both parents have parental responsibility the School is required to give them back to either parent with PR. At my initial hearing my child was placed in my care the school could be informed to only relinquish my child to me, and life could start towards a normalcy.

Make sure to suggest regular FaceTime calls with Mum, and even supervised visitation at a contact centre, as you want to maintain the children’s relationship with their mother as much as possible. It might also shock her into realising what’s at stake here. You’ll also want the court to do a section 7 report.

if you make this entirely about just what’s in the best interests of the children the courts will be on your side.

Thank you.

That's very useful.

OP posts:
caringcarer · 01/05/2023 15:27

It could be this pedophile is using your ex to get to your son's. Do you know if he is attracted to young girls, boys or both? Can you get full custody and allow your ex supervised access?

Stripedbag101 · 01/05/2023 15:30

caringcarer · 01/05/2023 15:27

It could be this pedophile is using your ex to get to your son's. Do you know if he is attracted to young girls, boys or both? Can you get full custody and allow your ex supervised access?

Honestly??????? This is craziest post yet!!!!

BSB30 · 01/05/2023 15:36

@Dervel Completely agree with you. Some people enjoy an argument I think and don't know when to leave things and move on.

BSB30 · 01/05/2023 15:40

OP I would also like to add that even if a penal notice is attached to an order, the police won't get involved. It's all civil, not criminal and the police can only remove the child with a court order for removal.

A penal notice would give extra powers for your ex to apply for contempt of court but it would be a process and you would be given the chance to present your case.

MoonWoman69 · 22/01/2024 17:59

But you're not there 24/7, how would you know if she'd had him round when the kid/s were in bed? And told him/them not to say anything?! Even if it means a change of job you need to go full custody and supervised visits with her! She doesn't sound like a dream mother either, so stop defending her and think of the potential danger your kin could be in. Wishing you luck

Menapausemum1974 · 22/01/2024 18:56

This place can be brutal, all these “perfect” mothers ( highly unlikely to live up to their own so called “ standards” but feel safe to bully behind a screen! Try find some advice and support with people you trust and well done for asking for advice, that was brave but don’t underestimate the spiteful judgemental people this site attracts. Good luck ❤️

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