Mum dating a sex offender

[diegoyeah]

I was informed a while ago by social services that the mother of my children (boys 4 and 7) is dating a guy who had admitted to accessing indecent images of children. She then separated from this guy, and I thought all was OK.

My eldest son told me he had been in contact with this guy via a video call ( I'm sure it was just an innocent hello). And so I discovered the relationship had restarted.
I then contacted social services because I wasn't happy with the undue risk.. in response, they informed me that the guy had just been given a 2 year suspended sentence, and they had agreed the recommendation would be for there to be no contact between him and the children.. when i got the closing report, it said parole and MOSOVO classified him as high risk for 13 years of accessing class A child pornography (under 12 involving penetrative sex). Yet social services have put no safeguarding measures in themselves. The mother lied to social services and said my son hadn't spoken to him in a video call, but she told me it did happen under different circumstances than the child described. She has stayed in the relationship and tries to downplay.his crimes.by calling it "image abuse".

It only advice I have had from social services is that I had the right to proactively exercise my parental rights.. but obviously this has its own negative effects..
Any advice?

@SmallFerret I'm not going to get into the subject again so there is little point quoting my previous posts.

I made no comments about "you or your past".

Stop making things up.

Read what people say before making false accusations next time.

Try not calling people a "shithead" when you are ostensibly meant to be apologising.

Maybe work on the random aggressiveness to complete strangers for no reason.

Have a good evening and a happier life.

If the OP is still there, I would maybe thing about putting some parental controls on any electronic devices, this includes playstation games etc. It's not just limited to social media platforms but also gaming platforms and private chat. Also check if the kids have been " bought any special gifts" from the bf. Again grooming starts with very small innocuous items. My friends mum was groomed this was years ago. I remember getting the ick from her " step dad". He moved in very fast, he got the " wow aren't you great taking on another man's kid l" from cooing people. We are early 40's now so a different time. But while he never went the full way. She was abused.

@User200098573828604837365You wouldn't be attacking victims of abuse who had the courage to post here, in this way if you had any concept of "manners".

I wasn't attacking you. And you don't know if I have been a victim? So it's ok for you too attack me? 🤷 That's why I said don't assume stuff. You said you were autistic as an excuse. I am as well. But I don't take the piss out of people who are dyslexic!

I wouldn't worry about breaking an emotional bond with their mother and look at the positives of getting them away from her sex offender bf, she is clearly not putting them first.

@Arially didn't accuse you of a single thing. She mis-tagged you, is all.
You know that means nothing she wrote in the mis-tagged post was about YOU - right?

She didn't call you a shithead because you objected to the mis-tagging, she called you a shithead because you took this piss out her spelling (she's dyslexic).

Enough with the bloody merailing already.

@SmallFerret Yet you just attempted to derail the thread yourself 🤔.

Anyway I think everyone should just move on from their personal opinions about other people's lives and business and stop with the name calling as it's ridiculous.

Funny how when I asked if it was a typo you didn't immediately agree then.
Just kept focusing on the mother's male partner, when the point you were trying to labour was how family courts favour women.

@SmallFerret I have no idea what you are going on about. Move on please.

Buck up there. You have NOT been here before.

Unless you are saying there has been a previous incident of your ex dating a paedophile, when you tried to get custody to protect your kids?

This is a whole new ball game, with evidence, SS backing, & the school's involvement & support. You just need to get cracking & start telling safeguarding leads, the police, & SS what you want & need to do for your children.

Next visit, just keep them back. SS told you to "exercise your parental responsibilities." Listen to them. It's code for "safeguard those kids so we don't have to intervene by removing them."

Little point annoucing a flouncing either, but you do you.

@SmallFerret I was making it clear so you would move on.

In relation to what the OP said about having been there before, I think he may have been referring to the social service complaint. But I may be wrong.

Asking PP to blow a stop whistle on derailing isn't derailing.
Anyway, I thought you were done responding to me?
Please be done now.

@SmallFerret I meant I was done talking about the issue of my husbands court case regarding his son. There's no point to it because people, such as yourself, form their own opinions (which are so far off the mark) with nothing to base it on. It's a futile discussion.

I will happily discuss other topics.

No, I did not say I was autistic as an excuse. I have nothing to excuse.

You wrote a post attacking me. I had not directed anything at you.

You now admit you attacked the wrong poster by accident. Yet in your so-called apology you called me a "shithead".

You then tried to excuse this behaviour by saying you are dyslexic. I told you so what? That does not give you the right to insult random people for no reason. I am autistic, I don't go around calling people a "shithead" when I'm supposedly apologising for writing a nasty post at them when I meant to direct it at someone else, and I don't see why autism or dyslexia or anything else should excuse such behaviour.

I have also pointed out that if you had read the thread you would have seen that what I have advised the OP to do is the exact opposite of what your post at me was accusing me of doing, which was blaming women and children for abusing men. That is a vile thing to accuse anybody of, particularly someone who has been a victim and been brave enough to come onto a thread and talk about that and advised the OP repeatedly to do the exact opposite of what you accused me of doing.

If you did actually do that by accident then perhaps you should work on your tone for apologising to people because "shithead" doesn't really cut it.

Again, whatever issues you have stop derailing a thread on a really important subject and please do not reply to me again.

This!

It's best you keep your opinions to yourself on all topics.

@3BSHKATS Why do you think that?

Firstly I’d report the call and contact to the police, pointing out the information you now know about him.

secondly I’d email the probation service, social services, the kids mum and the school with ALL the factual information you have about his crimes and the contact described by the children. Be factual and outline that he is a present and real risk to your children. Their safeguarding is being compromised and your concerned mum is minimising the crimes, covering up contact. Notify all these bodies each time your children state there has been new contact. Keep a diary/dates/times.

Refuse to return the children if they are not being safeguarded by mum. The above actions will leave a paper trail, which you may need in court

@Stuf just to be clear, OP is referencing the children's mum not his own.

@Stuf oh no sorry I think I misunderstood your wording!

I need to apologise for using an outdated phrase earlier which I now feel squeamish about repeating because subsequent posters are totally right in their reasoned objections to it. Sorry, I think I was repeating the words my db used.

@diegoyeah I wasn't commenting to berate you, and I'm sorry of it appeared that way. I was just saying that the negative impact will be negated by the fact they will be safer out of this dangerous relationship. Of course it's going to have an impact on all of you, but as you say, this is no reason not to act. You can only do your best. I wish you all the best.

I think this would be better off as a support thread, and people might do well to calm down and not get so invested in disputes. Let’s not forget child welfare is at stake here! I’d hate for something actionable and useful to the OP gets lost in a torrent of vitriol and bile.

Anyway to the OP, in extremis you may be able to do this: check any court orders to see if there any penal orders attached in case of breach. If there are not, then you can breach the order by holding onto your kids, but contact the police and social services to explain why. I did this and a very kind Police Officer explained without a penal notice they wouldn’t act in the event of my holding onto my kid, they would leave it up to the court, but I was free to call them if my ex showed up and caused a disturbance.

I followed this up by making an immediate urgent court application, I was lucky as I got one within 5 days. You will also have to keep them off school until an initial hearing, where you will explain your concerns and reasons for breaching any order. The reason you have to keep them off school is that given both parents have parental responsibility the School is required to give them back to either parent with PR. At my initial hearing my child was placed in my care the school could be informed to only relinquish my child to me, and life could start towards a normalcy.

Make sure to suggest regular FaceTime calls with Mum, and even supervised visitation at a contact centre, as you want to maintain the children’s relationship with their mother as much as possible. It might also shock her into realising what’s at stake here. You’ll also want the court to do a section 7 report.

if you make this entirely about just what’s in the best interests of the children the courts will be on your side.

Yup