Older people who are without children…

[James637]

Any older folks here 60+ who haven’t got children? How has your life panned out? Do you ever have regrets? Is it lonely?

It was probably just a flippant answer. I find that whenever I get asked by people who have kids they can't just accept that I genuinely just don't want to be a parent. It doesn't look fun (to me).

They feel they have to come out with all sorts of justifications such as 'oh but you don't understand THE LOVE between a parent and a child.' No, I don't, and that's ok. I'd probably reply with the same quip about lie ins and disposable income rather than constantly defend my life choices to parents who won't let this subject lie.

I am 55 and don’t regret having children but my social circle has become very limited since having children. Now that they have grown a bit I do feel lonely.

Don’t have children to protect yourself from loneliness. You don’t know how it will pan out. Bringing children up is very hard and very rewarding but you must go into it with open eyes.

Everyone is not the same but I believe. It is my personal belief. It is of my opinion that
If you don't have children you will be lonely I don't know how many other ways I can say it to be honest !

I once heard a therapist say that the people who really suffer are the ones who wanted children but couldn't have them, and the ones who didn't want children but got pressured into having them. In other words, if you want to be happy, go with your gut.

Your argument makes no sense whatsoever. I'm pretty baffled how you can acknowledge that not everybody is the same, and yet insist that every single person who doesn't have children will be lonely!! It's the logic equivalent of me saying that every Mum wears boring frumpy clothes (not true). Or that every woman called Karen is a nightmare (not true, sexist and lazy). Or that every man loves football and beer and hates shopping (also not true, sexist and lazy).

@JaneyGee I think that's very sensible and agree totally.

This ^^

we have to each make a decision on how we feel at the time, not on what we think will bring us insurance from loneliness in some distant future. How does any of us even know for sure we’ll make old bones for a start?

I'm nearly 60 and happily childfree. Why would I be lonely? I have a partner, friends, colleagues and hobbies. I also enjoy my own company now and again. Do you honestly think that having children is simply some way of ensuring that you have constant company? Er, no. Worst case scenario, you may have a poor or no relationship with your kids. Best case scenario, you encourage them to make the most of their talents so that they work, travel and create their own busy lives..... they are not there just to hang around the Aged Ps! If you think you might be lonely, find ways to deal with it, but don't expect adult children to provide you with entertainment - that's not their job.

Yeah but you are actually making an assumption of what you think childfree people will feel like in old age based on the experience of a relative who was in fact not child free

I mean I could assume how a blind person will experience life based on the fact that I am also a person albeit with function (just about) eyes but it would be just as ridiculous

On the other hand we could base it on the childless person who my in laws were friends with who moved her nearer to them when she needed looking after and visited her in a nursing home weekly when she went in and who has spent many christmases at my house

Or the elderly childless woman who was a part of a crart group I am in who has a whole rota of members visiting her every week whose funeral will be packed

Experiences are just that, solitary things, projecting them onto a whole group of people is ridiculous

Never mind the fact that loads of people dont make it to 98 or however old your relative was, so having children just in case you live to 98 and outlive your friends is the height of stupid reasons to have children.

@notthisagainforest

so you believe everyone is different

And also that all of these different people will have exactly the same response to not having children?

do you want to try explaining those two mutually incompatible thoughts again?

Its of my opinion that posters with children lack empathy and imagination based on your posts...

(disclaimer, lots of people with children are both lovely and imaginative and I don't really think this because unlike this poster I dont project the experiences of one person onto a whole section of society)

I did elder care work when I was younger. It was extremely common to only meet families twice - once when they were moving their parent/relative into the care home, and once when they came to collect the belongings after they'd died. Some of these people did not have a single visitor for years. Having children is no guarantee of having visitors when you are old.

Oh, ffs! Many of us who are child-free are in long-term relationships and because we haven't been tied down with children we have had varied and interesting lives and careers in our 30s and 40s and have friends and interests all over the world. I'm starting a degree in October and will continue to study and travel and meet new people. I have a far more interesting and stimulating life than so many of my neighbours and acquaintances whose lives revolve endlessly around husbands, children and grandchildren. Stop patronising us: we're thrilled not to have your life.

Listen to this programme on loneliness. It's not the elderly who are the most lonely, it's young people who live their lives on social media:
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m000rvl6

And I attended a number of funerals where the only people present were the care home staff - there wasn't a single relative to be seen.

Project onto a whole section of society ? I don't think so. I've given you my opinion based on my life experience you can't take that from me I'm afraid.

Feels obvious to me that you dont need kids to talk about style and beauty, feminism, arts and crafts or the royal family but if you need the whole slogan changing to help you understand that then by all means petition mumsnet 🙄

Ah I see the issue. You’ve confused ‘your experience’ with ‘facts’

unless you’re about to drip feed that you’re the PI on a large scale randomised controlled trial on the emotional experiences of parents versus child free people into old age then I think we can safely assume you’re simply uninformed 😂

Yeah but instead of saying some childless people might be lonely, you said all childless people would be lonely based on the experience of an elderly relative with children. That's literally projecting your opinion onto a whole section of society

I think you need to look up what a fact is.

Why are you being a twat to someone who quite happily chose not to have children?

Having children is no guarantee of a big, happy, functioning family unit into your own old age. And having kids so you’re not lonely in your infirm years, is just about one of the worst reasons.

I have not said it's a fact. For the last time I have said that is my experience and of course my opinion is based on my experience It is of my opinion that if you don't have children you will be lonely. You don't seem to like me saying it but that is what I believe goodnight 👍

There we go, you’ve caught on. It’s your opinion, not a fact.

However, ramming your opinion into someone in their 60s who’s happily not had kids, serves what purpose, exactly? Are you trying to make someone feel bad? Is that your aim? To be nasty?

Love this MN batshittery 🤣🤣

Yes. Have children or be lonely!

There appears to be evidence on display here that having children can affect your thinking skills.

Nothing I'm looking forward to more than being part of a group of sassy 70-somethings hitting the Riviera and none of us with a phone full of pictures of our grandchildren with kittens and stories about our tedious sons-in-law.

You mean apart from the actual post where you said it was a fact

*notthisagainforest · Today 19:37

It's not being cruel it's stating the facts based on my experience I'm afraid.*

My opinion is everyone who does not have children will be lonely vs
My opinion is that not everyone is the same

To quote the wonderful Father Dougal: I'm massively confused Ted

Anyway, it's been fun but I need to shuffle off back to the reality to my barren and lonely life and get on with dinner