Older people who are without children…

[James637]

Any older folks here 60+ who haven’t got children? How has your life panned out? Do you ever have regrets? Is it lonely?

I'm 63 and perfectly happy with my decision not to have children.

And no, I'm not lonely.

Are you housebound though ? 63 isn't even old. I was sharing my personal experience within my family of what life would have been like for a relative once she could no longer get get out. I'm not nasty I'm telling you how it was. If she hadn't had children she would have barely any visitors.

Indeed. Why do people automatically assume everyone is the same as them. The people I know in their 70s/80s have very large social circles. Laughing at the idea that simply having kids makes you not lonely, there are plenty of elderly people who do have children and grandchildren and hardly ever see them.

I’m a guy! And sorry I have bad anxiety so I tend to overthink things!

Are you housebound though ? 63 isn't even old. I was sharing my personal experience within my family of what life would have been like for a relative once she could no longer get get out. I'm not nasty I'm telling you how it was. If she hadn't had children she would have barely any visitors.

No, you are assuming what life might have been like for her if she didn't have children/grandchildren. There's no way to tell otherwise.

Of course I'm not housebound, but neither was my 89 year old DF until a couple of months before his death. His social life was more extensive than mine. Plenty of elderly people don't have family visit them, and maybe you hadn't noticed but in this modern world some people have children living hundreds of miles away - if not on the other side of the world.

The lady I “befriend” via Age UK is housebound and sees her daughter infrequently, her gran and great gran children even less. She has had to enlist with Age UK so she speaks to someone once a week - how’s being a parent helped her not to be lonely in her old age?

I know a lady in her 90s who never got married or had children. She has a little network of older women around her, and they look out for each other and seem to have a fabulous time.

Omg. I am not saying everyone is the same !! Again I have shared my experience and I stand by what I believe.

I am 69 and DH is 66. We chose to be childfree and have never, even for a second, regretted that decision.

In fact as the years have passed we have been more and more glad we did not have children. We see the grief and worry most of our friends have with their children even though they are now all grown up and most have children of their own. They almost all say if they could go back in time they would not have children

Reading the parenting threads on here also confirms we made the right decision.

That's great. And again my Nan had fantastic friends and a great social life. Unfortunately because she lived to 98 they all died before her and her family stepped up. Again not everyone's experience. My experience. If she hadn't had children she would have been on her own. Thank you !

I was happily child-free. My daughter came along at 34 and I had her.
I'm 41 now and can see how I could enjoy a child free life, but she's unexplainably amazing and adds something to my life you can't put into words.

But more than one I think that way madness lies.

The thing is I don't want to be a parent. I don't want the parent experience - if that means that I spend a few years of my elderly years a bit lonelier then that is the price I pay.
I think it's worth it not to go through raising a child. Everything is a trade off in life.

I also hope to ensure (as best I can) that I put in place safeguards, and maintaining friendships and social supports as I get older. That's all any of us can do really. You can't plan your whole life, who knows what will come.

I did realise as soon as I posted but the lack of a bloody edit button still gets me every time. Thank you.

But that's not what you said. Your exact words were:

People who do t have kids will of course end up lonely

With all due respect you arnt elderly and you probably arnt unable to get out

To be fair, that's not really child-free though, child-free is never having a child.

By your logic everyone was child free before they had children.

Yes I said if course they will be lonely because that is my opinion which I am entitled to.

I asked someone at work if they had kids and they said to me ‘no thanks, I prefer lying in and disposable income.’ Which I thought was interesting because I have a child and still lie in most weekends and also have plenty of money. Those without children have some weird justifications I find. I mean if you don’t want them don’t have them but don’t not have kids because you think you’re not going to have a bit of a sleep in….

With people I know who don’t have kids to be truly happy they have had to DO something different with their lives and not just potter through as they felt aimless.

I see what you're saying but I was actively child-free by choice and did not want to have children and never intended to have them. I was on the pill.

OP you need to decide if you would regret more not having them ever?

Its a very short time they are little. and then they become independent and you can crack on with the rest of your life.
yes the sleepless nights and the endless washing feels like it never ends (well not for years!) but the wonderful feeling you get with those little arms round you saying"i love you", is just the best.

I have kids. NO regrets.

I'm not saying you aren't entitled to your opinion.

I am saying that you are changing your story. Your earlier reply was that you were not saying everyone is the same. I pointed out that this is totally inconsistent with your first post on this thread, where you confidently stated that anyone without children would "of course" be lonely.

Where did the poster say she couldn't get out?

To be fair, most people who choose not to have children are asked all sorts of intrusive questions about why. The answer I give is never really the full answer because it's hard to explain to other people (and you usually end up insulting someone). So I just give a flippant 'not for m' answer, which probably seems inadequate to most people.

All the drawbacks associated with having kids - less time, money, no sleep etc. are not really problems, they are just trade offs for the great stuff about having kids - something parents accept. They most likely know going into it that these are going to come up.

But those reasons aren't my reasons why, for me it's more intangible - I just don't and have never wanted it, it's just something I know about myself - and that's not as easy to explain because you always seem to get the 'but why?', or 'maybe you'll meet someone or change your mind' etc. etc.