Older people who are without children…

[James637]

Any older folks here 60+ who haven’t got children? How has your life panned out? Do you ever have regrets? Is it lonely?

Does the fact that multiple people don't like your posts ever make you stop and think maybe you have been mean and cruel and even if it is your opinion it didn't need to be voiced to the actual people you are taking about?

Because right about now I have some opinions about your parenting skills based on the facts you have posted and the experience of interacting with you and I am pretty sure you would not like me saying it.

Just don't you dare use a recipe from a MN thread, you have to have children to be allowed to cook those... 🙄

My aunt had no children and loved her life right up until old age. She did strategically befriend people younger than her 😂 so in her 70’s and 80’s a lot of her friends were in their 50’s and 60’s and they took her out etc. plus she was an amazing aunt so always had good relationships with her nieces and nephews. Plus she moved into an over 60’s place when she was 75 and they were quite a sociable bunch. She was never lonely and she never regretted her decision not to have kids.

@Queenofscones My childfree SIL (55) has just completed her Ph.D.! She travels a lot as well ( mainly for business, but she also gets in some fun trips).

My other childfree SIL barely leaves her house (WFH)) and does very little with her life.

Being childfree is one of the few things they have in common…because they’re individuals (not everyone seems to realize this). 😂

Came up on my notifications so typing one handed whilst stirring risotto and glugging wine keith floyd style

i can honestly say i have never used a mn recipe, but to my shame i did try the mn haircut many years ago - it didn't go well!!

This thread is interesting. It seems to have touched a raw nerve with some posters.

I am really glad that people who don’t have children on this thread are happy and have a big circle if friends.
Please realise this is bit the case fir everyone. People move away from their network, they get ill (eg im close the housebound. Hard to make friends and have a network around you in that case), people become widow/widower early on etc… basically their circle gets small very quickly through no fault if their own.
Seeing that the current health span is 65yo, illness will affect most people over 65 and with that their ability to connect.

And yes, having children isn’t a guarantee that you won’t be alone/lonely when you get old. But I’d say you have a better chance to have support WHEN things will get harder than if you don’t.
Just like it’s usually easier to weather ups and downs in life when you are a couple than when you are single (eg illness in my case and the inability to work etc….).

Having said that, is that a reason to have children? Probably not.
Even if people don’t talk that much about it, I think many people regret having children. It’s hard work. And you end up giving up a lot fur them (maybe less true fir the OP as a man). So this is something you really need to want, something that is going to bring something to your life iyswim.

Except from the part where you said 'I'm just stating the facts'.

Wow. Talk about 'othering.'

Give a scientific study finds:

The healthiest and happiest population subgroup are women who never married or had children,”

I think actually you are not correct that you have a better chance of being happy if you have a partner and children

I did the MN haircut too, not a good look especially on curly hair. I do cut my own hair now but not using the MN haircut 😂

Childfree by choice and zero regrets. If you have this much anxiety about it that you are continuing to post, it might indicate kids aren’t for you.

The one major drawback though, which causes endless frustration and trouble, is the people who come on threads like this and in real life to tell you your old age will be awful because having children means free elderly care and never being lonely.

Which is nonsense.

And as for the usual ‘but whhhhhhyyyy are you on a site called Mumsnets, when it’s just for muuuuuuuums. Just curious. Head tilt’ Were you this lacking in imagination before you gave birth or did it come out with your placenta?

Shocking concept but sometimes people who aren’t parents can have the same interests as people who are and they have things called conversations. Novel idea, but seems to have caught on. Not like back in the old days when people who didn’t have children were banned from making eye contact or being in the same room as the child bearers and anyone breaking the law was stoned to death.

Btw to those who say ‘well they still have nieces and nephews’,

• 1 you are assuming that you will have nieces and nephews. As an only child, I don’t….
• 2 you are relying on others having children to ease your own isolation - by allowing you to still have you get family around you. In some ways, it’s a bit rich to say you won’t be lonely/have a big network around you when you are basically relying on your own siblings to have said children/younger generation….

If I didn’t have children, I’d have no younger people in my family. No siblings, no niece and nephew. i am housebound so a very limited number if friend/network.
Not everyone can have people around them and maintain that network un their 70s….
(and good fir those who can btw. I’m just saying … don’t assume that because you can, everyone can)

The OP specifically asked for views from people 60+ who don't have children - and yet you keep banging on about your experience. My DF had a lot of visitors other than me, and not all of them were elderly so not all likely to die off. He also lived in a retirement village, so there was always someone to talk to.

I think actually you are not correct that you have a better chance of being happy if you have a partner and children

I never said that….

Not according to this study:
https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2019/may/25/women-happier-without-children-or-a-spouse-happiness-expert

We may have suspected it already, but now the science backs it up: unmarried and childless women are the happiest subgroup in the population. And they are more likely to live longer than their married and child-rearing peers, according to a leading expert in happiness.

I mean I was summing up a long post of yours but whatever, it still scientifically proven that single childless women are the happiest

Im confused you seem to be disagreeing with my post but stating the same facts as me?

67 and no kids. Never wanted children. No regrets. Have a lovely DP and have had 6 cats over the last 20 years, they have been my family. I have no siblings. I have been housebound for 15 yrs.

I do realise that it could be problematic later on if health worsens (seeing what has happened with my MIL after a stroke, if it wasn't for family and friends things would be worse for her). So that's a bit of a gamble, but I would never, ever have children so they could (as one person once said to me) 'look after me when I'm old'.

As for the 'why are you on MN if you aren't a mum' - well, it all began with Brexit and preparing in case of food shortages. I was Googling re stocking up items and apparently there were 2 good sites for discussing this, one is MoneySavingExpert, the other, you guessed it, Mumsnet. So I joined both. That's the only reason I joined. I haven't looked back, once Covid struck I spent the majority of my time on the Coronavirus forum. Since that has ebbed, I have been here so long now that I am just like everyone else, commenting on things that I am interested in.

But single childless (by choice) women tend to be more urban and affluent so that probably goes a long way to explaining the data. @Queenofscones @Instagramearworms

Quite a few of 'you'...there are looooads of people on Mumsnet who aren't mums. I've just been reading about a SIL and her family gate-crashing a hen do, and an angry birthday boy (husband) who wasn't pleased with his stuffed badger(or whatever).
I think it's a good place to pose a Q. As good as say Twitter or Reddit

I didn't rely on my sisters to have children to ease my isolation 🙄

They happen to have children and as such I have done a lot of childcare for them and even had a niece live with me for awhile when her parent was will.

But I never demanded or expected they had children because I couldnt, but they are there so they are part of my social group

I also have my neighbours children round 1 to 2 times a week to help with her childcare. Is is also a bit rich of me to help her and increase my social network at the same time 🙄How dare I help someone out and get enjoyment out of spending time with their children. I shall try very hard not to feel isolated whilst I do it next time.

We may have suspected it already, but now the science backs it up: unmarried and childless women are the happiest subgroup in the population. And they are more likely to live longer than their married and child-rearing peers, according to a leading expert in happiness

It’s because we thrive on annoying people who think the only proper or valid way to live is to be married with children.

With or without children @fridascruffs that's a really bitchy and derogatory remark.

Maybe it does, it doesn't change the point that all those who are confident saying the (mainly) women on the thread who dont have children are going to be lonely and unsupported based on their 'facts' aka 'feelings' are not backed up by the actual facts