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Original poster

Wedding invitation 1 month after due date but no newborns allowed

186 replies

JavanDawns · 26/02/2023 13:46

I'm a first time mum and would appreciate some ideas as my DH and I are in a quandary about options for a wedding 1 month after our due date.

We are really close to the couple and have known one of them for 15 years and were housemates at uni. We were even at their engagement and helped with planning when they popped the question, so we really care about them and want to celebrate their special day with them if possible.

We knew it would be a challenge with a newborn and we might not be able to attend the full day so were willing to adapt, but they've just told us this week (after sending the invite) that their no kids rule for the day also includes babies and toddlers too... Obviously the baby could be early but either way it'll be between 2-6 weeks old at the time of the wedding. They know this and we've spoken to them but they want to stay consistent so don't want to have one rule for us and one for others. We are planning to combined feed, so baby would (hopefully) be happy on a bottle for 1 or 2 feeds that day. Obviously we won't know until baby arrives and will need to adapt, but we have to RSVP now so it's all a bit unknown at the moment.

Basically, my question is would you feel comfortable leaving a newborn with trusted MIL for between 1-3 hours to be able to attend even the ceremony part? TIA for your ideas!

OP posts:

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2chocolateoranges · 26/02/2023 13:50

No I’d decline, the thought of finding an outfit , leaving my possibly 2 week old baby just to go to a ceremony wouldn’t appeal to me. With our youngest I was struggling to walk at 2 weeks after due to stitches etc.

ShirleyPhallus · 26/02/2023 13:51

I’d decline personally. All the logistics are possible but I think it’s a bit crap they’re excluding babes in arms and I probably wouldn’t want to make the effort to go

OhhhhhhhhBiscuits · 26/02/2023 13:52

Not a chance I would go, some people will be fine to go, others will still be heavily bleeding, in a very sleep deprived state and leaking milk and not wanting to dress up for a wedding. I would politely decline, send a present and then crack on with your new baby. They can't be offended, not many would go with a very young baby, let alone leaving the baby somewhere else.

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LightDrizzle · 26/02/2023 13:53

I personally wouldn’t have left my two at that age but they were both bf. You may or may not feel happy to leave your baby for a few hours but as they need an answer in advance I’d ask DH to go alone and RSVP accordingly. It’s a shame but just bad timing.

It wouldn’t spoil the friendship for me.

MyBloodyMaryneedsmoreTabasco · 26/02/2023 13:53

No. And although some posters will be along to say they were clubbing in Ibiza when their baby was a week old, I was in the throes of the baby blues, struggling with breastfeeding and recovering from my csection.
Thanks but no thanks, send a card and champagne.

WideOpenSpaces · 26/02/2023 13:53

Definitely not. You might be completely different to me but there's no way I'd have wanted to be apart from my baby at 2-6 weeks for several hours. It's also the sheer effort of dressing up that would have been out of the question.
I was a bridesmaid at 3 months post partum and I didn't particularly enjoy it because I just wanted to be at home with my baby.
I think your friends are being rude to expect it of you tbh

hryllilegur · 26/02/2023 13:54

Just decline. You don’t need the stress.

Zapx · 26/02/2023 13:54

I’d decline. Baby could easily be a little late etc, and you don’t yet know what your recovery could look like. Enjoy your new baby and wish them well

MrsH497 · 26/02/2023 13:54

I'd decline - my DD was 4 weeks old when my best friend got married. Initially I had accepted (no children rule even for newborn so same situation and we also had a 21 month old)
DD was in hospital at 11 days old with breathing problems so I ended up declining, I couldn't face getting dressed up post c section, was BF a lot and knew I wouldn't be relaxed.

Personally in your shoes I would decline definitely you don't know how you or baby will be post birth you don't need that pressure

DamnThatHitsHome · 26/02/2023 13:54

If the wedding is nearby, so it’s not an overnight think, and you’re just leaving the baby for a few hours, I absolutely would.

I can understand them needing to be consistent (imagine if an awkward family member saw your baby and complained their 2 year old couldn’t come…), but if it’s only a few hours it sounds completely doable and you could have a lovely time with no regrets 😊

If it comes to it and you’re really struggling, DP could then go alone or both stay at home (ordinarily not at all ok to rsvp yes then not attend, but I think this would be special circumstances).

TheDalaiShawarma · 26/02/2023 13:55

I wouldn’t be going. What if you’ve had stitches or a c section? You’ll feel sore and likely knackered and emotional. Even if you combi feed, you’ll still be establishing your milk supply and will likely need to feed regularly, and will have sore, leaky boobs.

It’s fine to impose a ban on children and babies at your wedding if that’s what you want, but in doing so you have to accept that this means some people won’t be able to come. They would be extremely unreasonable to be annoyed or upset at you not being able to make it.

viques · 26/02/2023 13:55

They sound a bit dense to be honest. But their wedding, their guest list.

I would decline, wish them well and spend the time you will save by not trying to find an outfit, and not travelling to the wedding with leaking breasts and sleep deprivation, just staring at your new born and reminding yourself what an amazing thing you have done.

GreenLeavesRustling · 26/02/2023 13:56

Nope

LIZS · 26/02/2023 13:56

How near is the venue? Tbh most new mums would struggle to look their best to order at that stage but if you could pop along to a service, maybe with mil outside with pram, is that feasible? Or one of you go to the Reception and swap over?

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 26/02/2023 13:57

Why jump through hoops?

You'll have a newborn? Just say no you can't go. That's life now op!

SpideyCraw · 26/02/2023 13:58

Honestly I would decline. I understand not including newborns -sleep all day babies are no trouble but colicky tiny babies are no fun at weddings for anyone including the parents ! - plus they may have a number of young babies and want to be consistent. However they must know there is absolutely no way you can attend. They’ll be expecting it and I’d be astonished if they are in any way annoyed. It’s just one of those things.

I did have young babies at my wedding but one friend was due very shortly before. I was flexible about an RSVP date and basically paid for her spot and said she could decide on the day to come or not. Maybe they can’t do that, I don’t know, but if you do want to go they might be able to let you know at the last possible minute before they confirm numbers, which will be later than the RSVP date. Personally I’d stay at home but you sound like you want to go.

AnotherEmma · 26/02/2023 13:58

It's a no brainer IMO. I would politely decline. No way on earth would I be making a special effort to attend a wedding without my 2-4 week old baby. Even if I was comfortable leaving baby (I wouldn't be), I was an exhausted mess at that point and wouldn't have enjoyed a wedding.

If they really wanted you both to be there, they wouldn't have the stupid rule about no babies. So don't worry about offending them by declining. If they're as good friends as you say they are, they will be understanding or at least polite about it.

MexicanDrinkingWorm · 26/02/2023 13:59

Id decline purely to save yourself hassle. You don’t know a lot of things at this point (when babies coming/recovery/sleep patterns etc).
realistically how much would you see them at the wedding anyway if they’ve got 100 other people to mingle with.

this could be a terrible idea but if the week before the wedding you’re feeling up to it could you perhaps ask if you just pop along to the ceremony and then leave after? If it’s a flexible sized venue it might work, if you’re not drinking/eating anything then they may not mind! (I say this as someone who’s never planned a wedding though)

FebMama · 26/02/2023 13:59

I am currently 4 weeks post partum. There is no way in hell I would be ready to attend a wedding at the moment, no matter how close I may be to the couple. Only now do I feel like I am more mobile after my c section and the baby blues have somewhat settled.
Could not think of anything worse than to dress up for a wedding.

It's not so much the leaving the baby. If my baby was combi fed, I would most definitely feel comfortable leaving him with grandparents for a few hours. Its more about how you will be feeling and my gut feeling is that it'll be more stress than it's worth.

R0ckets · 26/02/2023 14:00

Absolutely decline, there is no point making the effort and attending something they clearly don't actually want you to attend.

Agreed with a previous poster that they sound a bit dim. No parent of a toddler is going to be upset they couldn't bring their child and you could bring your tiny weeks old baby. Believe it or not parents aren't all that stupid and we can understand the logic behind babes in arms being the exception to the no child rule.

Mumalli · 26/02/2023 14:00

Nope from me. Combi feeding isn’t really a good idea before 6 weeks (or longer ideally) if you want to establish breastfeeding. I wasn’t ready to leave my newborn until around 6 months if I’m honest. Agree to nothing and see how you feel at the time, can’t be fairer than that.

Lindy2 · 26/02/2023 14:00

No. I wouldn't put myself through the stress of organising leaving a newborn baby for a wedding that won't make any compromises to the needs of a new mother.

Lack of sleep, possibly leaky boobs, simply just not wanting to leave your baby (don't underestimate how strong that feeling may be) would all lead to a definite no thanks from me.

FranklyBoyle · 26/02/2023 14:02

Decline. They’re being ridiculous. I’ve been to weddings with no children allowed except “babes in arms” for obvious reasons.

FizzyFucker · 26/02/2023 14:02

Not a chance in hell. I would decline, wish them well and leave them to it.

CakeCrumbs44 · 26/02/2023 14:02

Definitely not.

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