Wedding invitation 1 month after due date but no newborns allowed

[JavanDawns]

I'm a first time mum and would appreciate some ideas as my DH and I are in a quandary about options for a wedding 1 month after our due date.

We are really close to the couple and have known one of them for 15 years and were housemates at uni. We were even at their engagement and helped with planning when they popped the question, so we really care about them and want to celebrate their special day with them if possible.

We knew it would be a challenge with a newborn and we might not be able to attend the full day so were willing to adapt, but they've just told us this week (after sending the invite) that their no kids rule for the day also includes babies and toddlers too... Obviously the baby could be early but either way it'll be between 2-6 weeks old at the time of the wedding. They know this and we've spoken to them but they want to stay consistent so don't want to have one rule for us and one for others. We are planning to combined feed, so baby would (hopefully) be happy on a bottle for 1 or 2 feeds that day. Obviously we won't know until baby arrives and will need to adapt, but we have to RSVP now so it's all a bit unknown at the moment.

Basically, my question is would you feel comfortable leaving a newborn with trusted MIL for between 1-3 hours to be able to attend even the ceremony part? TIA for your ideas!

Another no from me. I declined a no kids wedding invitation when my first was a baby. She was a bit older but she refused all bottles and the wedding was a good distance away.

If you desperately want to go you could say yes and accept that you may have to cancel at the last minute but, for me, there are too many unknowns. You don’t know what kind of birth you will have and how you will be feeling. You don’t know how feeding will go, your milk supply won’t yet be fully established and the baby may refuse bottles.

2-6 weeks is very young to start combi feeding and it could harm your milk supply if you give formula too often. I wouldn’t recommend it to be honest. You will find people it has worked for but everyone I know who has tried to combi feed has ended up in the top up trap and ultimately given up breastfeeding completely before they were ready to do so. If breastfeeding is important to you then I recommend you try to do it exclusively, at least to begin with.

If they are good friends I’d just explain that you have decided to decline on the basis that you’ll have no idea how you’ll feel once baby is here/recovery from birth etc. so you wouldn’t be able to guarantee attendance if you accepted. They may be happy for you to attend if you feel up to it on the day which would take a lot of pressure off. In theory, no probs leaving a newborn with trusted family member for a few hours. Mine slept loads at that age (we were lucky) but physically after two weeks I was still a bit of a mess.

In your situation I would try and have your trusted babysitter nearby at the hotel or venue of the wedding in a room so you can come and go to see the baby as much as you need or want while also celebrating your friends.

Currently sitting with my 4 week old asleep in my arms and no, I wouldn't feel comfortable leaving him. Sometimes he sleeps for 3 hours in his dad's arms and sometimes he point blank refuses and screams cause he just wants me. I wouldn't take the chance that the latter could happen when I'm gone.

Decline.

I wouldn't "send my DH either".

The last 3 wedding i have been to have had 2-6 week old babies... two of those were "adult only" weddings. Its standard even these allow babes in arms. Newborns are absolutely no bother and just sleep.

Why are you trying to break your back to accomodate them and attend when they are being so unreasonable and making it so needlessly difficult for you.

Another no from me. We attended a wedding when ds was very tiny - similarly very good friends from school. He was invited so we could all attend, I certainly wouldn't have wanted to leave him.

I can understand why they want to keep their rules simple, but I think you'd be better off declining with thanks, and making clear there are no hard feelings.

Hard no from me too.

I would decline the reception so that they know about numbers.

I'd also say that I'd like to attend the ceremony if possible (assuming it's local) but wouldn't be able to confirm until much nearer the time. Then line up your mother in law just in case, and decide one or two days in advance, based on how you are feeling.

Honestly, I’d RSVP a yes, then see how I feel nearer the time. Your baby might be 6 weeks old, you might feel fine leaving them with granny for a few hours. You never know. If you can’t attend, then the couple will just have to lump it!

No chance, whatever plans you have now for feeing are largely irrelevant, babies have a tendency to usurp many preconceived ideas! This just isn't a stress you want as a new mum.

It would be an easy no from me. Physically I could have probably managed it, but mentally I was nowhere near ready to leave DS with anyone else at that age.

Definitely not. I'd only been out of hospital 4 days by that stage and wasn't well enough to walk to a nearby cafe, let alone go to a wedding!

Not everyone would be happy to leave their baby at that age. I wouldn't have minded but a lot would hate it. You won't know until the baby is here.

Mine was combi-fed but they still feed frequently at that point. And there's an horrific growth spurt at 3 weeks when they fuss endlessly and feed constantly- there is no way I'd contemplate a wedding during that time period.

I'm guessing the bride and groom don't have children yet?!

If it was literally a 5 minute drive away for an hour's church ceremony then home then maybe. But probably not. It was at least 8 weeks before we really got the hang of breastfeeding and I wouldn't have wanted to find anything to wear that wasn't maternity joggers until then.

When I got married one of my closest friends was bridesmaid and she was 5 weeks post-partum. Her husband was an usher. Babies were allowed and we invited their parents to help look after baby too. But now I have children of my own I can't believe I even asked that of them and if they'd have said no then that would have been a completely reasonable thing to do!

I would decline now. I wouldn’t want to go with a baby, but certainly not without.

Why should the bride be “mortified” when she looks back on it? It’s her choice not to have babies there and there is nothing wrong with that 🙄 parents never take their crying babies out of weddings fast enough/at all in my experience as they keep thinking they’ll settle in a minute. Weddings actually aren’t very baby friendly imo - they’re bound to cry/get bored or fussy. Better off at home snuggling your lovely newborn and relaxing!

Good grief. I just sent my DH to Tesco, Boots and Mothercare whilst I was at the hospital!

Exactly what I was going to say.
Don't go.

And it's perfectly possible to combi-feed from birth, just get advice from someone who knows about combi-feeding! So don't worry about that.

Anyone saying the couple are being ridiculous clearly haven’t attended a wedding where some dick hasn’t removed their screaming baby during the service 🙄. I certainly wouldn’t have wanted that at my wedding (or during the speeches which is arguably even worse 🤬).

I wouldn’t have been up for a wedding at that stage even if I could have taken baby DS.

Unless the wedding is ten minutes away and you go for the half-an-hour ceremony only, I’d decline.

My sil and brother arranged their Childs christening for 2 weeks after my baby was due. ( deliberately booked then in the hope I couldnt attend or that her baby would take the shine off of my new born - she then had to have a cheek of saying my newborn of 7days old stole her sons thunder on his special day🙄)

I honestly couldn’t believe it and made all the effort to go, get dressed up, heels etc and tbh I was pretty sore and couldn’t wait to get home. My new born was grizzly and we left as soon as it was polite to do so.

I wouldn’t force myself to do anything like that again so close to giving birth.

No way. But mine were breastfed and I struggled with mixed feeding. Actually thinking about it took dd2 to a wedding at 2 months. It was local and in a beautiful posh hotel and was quite small the baby just slept through it. Kept forgetting she was there. She was very easy though dd.1 no way. Couple were lovely very accommodating and just wanted us there.

I wouldn't go because I felt like I'd been hit by a lorry two weeks post birth and my pelvic floor throbbed in a bruised, painful way if I stood up too long. I'd find it exhausting and not at all enjoyable.

No way