Wedding invitation 1 month after due date but no newborns allowed

[JavanDawns]

I'm a first time mum and would appreciate some ideas as my DH and I are in a quandary about options for a wedding 1 month after our due date.

We are really close to the couple and have known one of them for 15 years and were housemates at uni. We were even at their engagement and helped with planning when they popped the question, so we really care about them and want to celebrate their special day with them if possible.

We knew it would be a challenge with a newborn and we might not be able to attend the full day so were willing to adapt, but they've just told us this week (after sending the invite) that their no kids rule for the day also includes babies and toddlers too... Obviously the baby could be early but either way it'll be between 2-6 weeks old at the time of the wedding. They know this and we've spoken to them but they want to stay consistent so don't want to have one rule for us and one for others. We are planning to combined feed, so baby would (hopefully) be happy on a bottle for 1 or 2 feeds that day. Obviously we won't know until baby arrives and will need to adapt, but we have to RSVP now so it's all a bit unknown at the moment.

Basically, my question is would you feel comfortable leaving a newborn with trusted MIL for between 1-3 hours to be able to attend even the ceremony part? TIA for your ideas!

No way in hell for all the reasons previous posters have listed and also think it's massively unreasonable of your friends to not allow you to bring your newborn baby to the wedding, as others have said imagine they'll look back on this and feel really stupid if they end up becoming parents themselves someday.

If it’s fairly local, you could go for just the ceremony (and if they are not counting you into catering, it’s no big deal if you pull out the week before). I would feel happy to leave a 4 week old for a couple of hours, but you might not.

Obviously decline. Why would you even need to post about it?

We did this as well. It was the first time I’d properly got dressed up since the baby was born and I had a few drinks and really let my hair down. Everyone was desperate for a cuddle with the baby and just so kind to me. A very lovely memory and a very different situation to OP’s

My children come before friends so if my children aren't welcome at an event then I won't inconvenience myself to go. You'll be one mo th post partum and on no fit state to put yourself out for a wedding. It's their right to have the wedding they want but it's also your right not to attend an inconvenient event as well. This wedding is inconvenient for your new born baby and not in its best interest that you attend. Your baby comes first always, fuck the friends.

I was in a similar position and ended up going with my 2 week old. We are very close to the bride and groom.
My mum came and spent the evening in a side room off the reception area, taking care of my daughter and I just keep sneaking off to breastfeed and see the baby.
I look back and think what an amazing friend I was to do that! Much easier to stay at home with the baby!

No, I would not have been able to attend. I remember going for a meal when dc1 was around 7/8 weeks old. I was counting the minutes until I could get back to her. Was only out for around 2 hours.

I would definitely decline. I would not even want to go to a long day myself 2 weeks after,before even thinking about the baby. My second baby is 3 months old. I have crazy hair as I don't want to leave her while I go to the hairdresser, no way would I want to leave her for a wedding.

If it's local decline the reception invite for numbers as a pp said and say hopefully you'll make the ceremony. It's impossible to know where the land lies after having a baby.

A lot of people have rightly pointed out that it’s likely you won’t feel physically up to going, however I also don’t think it’s very nice for the baby to be left by its mum for several hours when so tiny, unless it’s necessary. Newborn babies want and need to be with their mums when they’re so tiny; they’ve spent nine months in their mother’s womb and at 2 to 6 weeks old are very much still adjusting to being put in the world.

If there was a genuine need to be away from your baby at this age (medical appointment, for example) then I would say go do what you need to do without any guilt. But not for a social occasion.

That’s pretty callous of such close friends.

Decline, and if you fancy, drop a little note in explaining that at this point you cannot forsee being able to leave the baby with anyone when still tiny.

If they don't appreciate that, just sit back and wait til they drop their first sprog and see what they think then.

Would be a no from me first babies are quite often overdue.

A newborn at that point needs mum. Of course it's their wedding and their choice most no kids weddings I have been to (ours included pre kids) allowed babies in arms though!

It’s very different at say 4 plus months but totally agree with Sunlights post

No way in hell. At that age the baby will scream for you the entire time you’re gone. It’ll be traumatic for the baby, hell for whoever is caring for the baby, and miserable for you.

Your ‘friends’ are very ignorant and very, very selfish.

Just decline the invite and tell them why.

I had to attend a funeral when the DD was a similar age.

My MIL came with us and took DD for a walk around the local area while we were in the ceremony for 1-2 hours.

Would that be an option?

I really think decline.

I think the couple have no real idea what's it's like to have a newborn.

No way. Wouldn't entertain it for a second, not even for a sibling or parent. If someone wanted me there enough then they'd relax their rules to allow babes in arms, which is very standard even at "child-free" weddings and would be easily explained to and understood by other guests with older children.

Tell them you'll try and make the ceremony. It doesn't matter if you don't, but if you're up to it then great. Don't commit to anything that they have to pay per head for, it'll be way too stressful with it hanging over you for the next few months.

You will probably be fine to leave your baby with your MIL for a couple of hours to attend the ceremony. If either you don’t feel up to going or don’t feel you want to leave the baby on the day, it doesn’t really matter to drop out of the ceremony at the last minute because it has no impact on their numbers for catering.

So I think it’s a fine plan.

I think I'd decline that invitation. Based on my last baby, when I had a C section and had very leaky boobs and postpartum bleeding for quite a while too (#blessed 😂) I wouldn't be able to go anywhere civilised at 1-2 weeks pp.

You don't need to RSVP to the ceremony if it's a church and could play it by ear and go along to the service if your baby comes early and you're feeling well etc. If it's one of those registry office rooms where you have to limit numbers so you have to RSVP then I'd decline rather than let them down later

I am a very clingy mum who breastfeeds and baby wears and have had a c-section and and episiotomy with stitches for two of my babies. I can say with confidence that with all three babies I could have popped out for a couple of hours leaving the baby with a grandparent and a bottle of expressed milk at this age. I would have pumped before and after and tried to do the ceremony, pop back and feed, go for the meal and go home. It is harder to leave them in some ways when they are bigger if they refuse a bottle. I had to leave two of the babies for similar amounts of time for hospital trips and some exam prep classes and it was nice to feel myself for a short while.

I don't, however, think it's worth stressing yourself out. If it was my family I would respond to say that my husband would love to come and i would do my best. Perhaps MIL could be upstairs in a hotel room so you could feed on demand and have somewhere to freshen up after any boob leaks/lochia issues.

Babies scream, and many/most parents don't take them out. There's enough threads on this site of babies screaming and drowning out the vows. I've never understood this "allow babes in arms" because babies are often worse than older children. And no, the B&G are not "ignorant and selfish" for wanting a wedding free of a screaming newborn baby.

I think they’re going to have to accept you are very much a ‘maybe’, there are sooo many possibilities here that could hugely alter whether you’ll be able to go or not. My cousin was getting married when my baby was going to be 7 weeks (and I knew this as I had a section booked). They publicly made a big thing about whether or not they would be allowing any children to come. If they had said he was included in the ‘no children’ thing I would have said I wasn’t going, probably more out of principle and just being really unsympathetic to my situation. We did consider booking a room and getting someone to sit in the room with him. In the end we were so ‘lucky’ to be ‘allowed’ to bring him but I do still hold a slight grudge about it because to me it’s a no brainer that a brand new mum will obviously have to bring the baby if you’re inviting them! My husband took him out at any quiet parts and he slept the rest of the day, no one would even know he was there

Nope. Thanks but no thanks.