Wedding invitation 1 month after due date but no newborns allowed

[JavanDawns]

I'm a first time mum and would appreciate some ideas as my DH and I are in a quandary about options for a wedding 1 month after our due date.

We are really close to the couple and have known one of them for 15 years and were housemates at uni. We were even at their engagement and helped with planning when they popped the question, so we really care about them and want to celebrate their special day with them if possible.

We knew it would be a challenge with a newborn and we might not be able to attend the full day so were willing to adapt, but they've just told us this week (after sending the invite) that their no kids rule for the day also includes babies and toddlers too... Obviously the baby could be early but either way it'll be between 2-6 weeks old at the time of the wedding. They know this and we've spoken to them but they want to stay consistent so don't want to have one rule for us and one for others. We are planning to combined feed, so baby would (hopefully) be happy on a bottle for 1 or 2 feeds that day. Obviously we won't know until baby arrives and will need to adapt, but we have to RSVP now so it's all a bit unknown at the moment.

Basically, my question is would you feel comfortable leaving a newborn with trusted MIL for between 1-3 hours to be able to attend even the ceremony part? TIA for your ideas!

Just another no to add to the pile, OP. Your friends are clearly completely clueless about babies. If they have kids they will look back at asking this of you, and be mortified.

At 6 weeks PP I'd be more likely to go to the ceremony, but I couldn't at 2 weeks. Especially without baby.

I'm 12 days postpartum with my 4th. Had a straight forward(ish) vaginal birth and I absolutely couldn't face it right now. I had 3hr sleep last night, still bleeding, boobs leaking. The furthest I've walked is from the car to the school door and back again and I felt a bit wobbly doing that. If I was going to try to go to a ceremony, I couldn't without my baby. I'd be sat there physically knackered whilst just missing baby.

I'd decline. I had a 25 hour labour that ended in an EMCS with Ds1 who was a few days late. At 6 days old he was hospitalised for a day and quite frankly after that I couldn't even leave him with Dh never mind anyone else. At 2-6 weeks you will possibly still be bleeding, leaking boobs (I needed breast shells I leaked that much) I went from a pre-pregnancy 34B to a 38G breastfeeding, I would have hated to try to find an outfit for a wedding. I was also utterly exhausted.

Wish them well and decline. With a new baby you just don't need that stress. You don't yet know how you will feel after the birth, what kind of birth you will have or what kind of baby you will end up with.

If you are considering combi feeding I'd suggest you try to focus on establishing breast first as combi from the outset can result in babies rejecting the bottle. If you spend the first few weeks establishing breast you might then find you can pump for the bottle feeds or switch to formula if you prefer but it gives you more choices.

I declined a wedding 4 weeks after DD2 was born (DH went, one of the groomsmen). I was completely honest... I couldn't predict how I would be feeling with a baby potentially only a couple of weeks old... and she was invited (along with toddler DD1!)

You could be bouncing off the walls or spending your days moving between sofa and bed. Babies are completely unpredictable. You could have stitches, leaking breasts or heavy post partum bleeding still.

Its unfortunate but can't be helped.

I'd decline. My babies have all arrived up to 10 days late. You could still have heavy bleeding, stitches or dripping milk. Also finding a dress that fits without still making you look pregnant could be a problem. Also if baby breastfeeds well you might decide to exclusively breastfeed and express. I'd buy a gift and tell bride and groom I'd treat them to a meal out after they get back from honeymoon.

As someone who has no hesitation in leaving their children for nights out/weekends away (writing it down makes me sound like I try and palm them off all the time but I don't honestly!) even I would decline this. If you live local maybe go to the service with DH and baby waiting outside but other than that no.

I’d suggest your DH go to the ceremony and drinks reception on his own.

You could decline but ask how feasible it would be for you to go along with him if you felt up to it on the day. They are unlikely to be paying by the chair. And a drinks reception can usually manage an extra glass if needed. But say definitely not to the meal.

In the meantime ask your MIL to keep the time free either to take baby or support you

If it was local and my MIL was walking baby outside the venue I might be inclined to attend for the ceremony alone.... if baby would take the bottle.
I would flag to them that you can't possibly confirm though. You don't know if baby will accept a bottle, if you will be well and recovered enough.
I definitely wouldn't do an overnight journey or travel a long way to go to a wedding when they won't allow babes in arms.
I've been to no child weddings but babies under 6 months have still been allowed.
One of you can go but even then there's a caveat that they might have to pull out if you have a particularly rough recovery.

If it's local enough you could go along to the ceremony if you're feeling up to it. If you're not staying for the meal I don't see why you need to RSVP unless there's limited spaces.

I totally get why people don't want kids or babies at weddings. I imagine a screaming baby in the middle of the ceremony could spoil the at atmosphere. I had loads of kids at mine and the totally made the day but that was our choice. I respect whatever someone choice is for their wedding but in the same respect they need to respect that their no kids rule could mean some of their friends who are parents won't be able to attend.

I would decline. If they aren't willing to budge letting you go for a few hours with a baby in arms I wouldn't be going out of my way to make all the necessary arrangements and the hassle/stress it will cause you.
Their wedding, their choice, but I cannot understand why people have this no children/babies rule. To me weddings are family occasions. I wanted my friends to turn with their children/babies, much rather that than them not being able to attend.

I took my 4 week old to a wedding, but it was a really small gathering and she was invited. There's no way I'd have left her, I felt awful too tbh, left early as I was tired and sore

Also I had to feed my babies every 45 mins at that point!

Nope. I wasn't even dressed after 2 weeks. Well nothing other than PJs. I didn't make it to a health appointment two min away until 3 weeks. By 6 weeks I was probably dressed more often than not.

That invitation would be a hard no from me even bringing the baby. Without the baby - I wouldn't even be considering it.

When your friend getting married has a small baby herself she'll look back on this and be mortified 🫣

I would decline as things could change a lot for you by the date of the wedding and it would be a lot of unnecessary stress as you would feel obliged to attend. It’s much fairer to decline now and let them to avoid extra expenses.
yes, there are people out there who are out of labour in 4 hours and ready to go out and socialise (never met them in real life by the way and I’m 50) but the reality is very different.

I’d decline, you don’t know how you and baby will be after the birth, save yourself the angst.

I think there are so many unknowns it’s difficult to say. 6 week old who is very healthy and will happily take a bottle? Maybe. 2 week old/ refuses bottle/you’re trying to increase your milk supply/ any illness or complications etc. probably not.

I really wouldn’t put pressure on yourself to attend unless you really want to go.

Absolutely not

Good close friends, local venue, staying max 3 hours for the ceremony, leaving baby with trusted mil? Absolutely yes.

Any of the above not in place, politely decline.

They know your situation, you have already accepted that staying on for the reception is a no (so they will be saving the cost of your meals), just let them know if anything crops up nearer the time.

You already have 2 dc, you know what you're getting into with a newborn, you should be fine! Enjoy!

I had an emergency C section for twins and they were a month premature - it was a high risk pregnancy so I did not have a thing for the babies. But the baby show was on in London four days after I gave birth so we got a wheelchair and we went to the show to get the basics of what we needed - we left my m'n'law and sister in charge of the twins for 4-5 hours (they were bottle fed due to being prem and my milk was not established). They were fine - new borns are sleepy so even easy to leave if you trust the person to be honest. The issue is more how you will feel.

Christ. Did Amazon not exist then?!

I might, if it was only for an hour and was very local. Otherwise no. PP are right that if combi feeding they recommend waiting until your breastfeeding is established at 6-8 weeks first.

There was a big difference in how I felt after two weeks and six weeks though. I couldn't sit comfortably after two weeks!

I'd decline. I was up and about and happy to go to social events and dinner and we did pop out for lunch for 90 minutes one day when she was tiny while my mum had her but it was a bit stressy and I didn't look wedding ready!

I definitely wouldn't attend but would send DH on his own. Bleeding, leaking, sleep deprived, hormonal, nothing fitting and worried about the baby - all very realistic.

No way. I wouldn't go. You can always celebrate with them separately at a later date perhaps, look at the photos/videos together etc?