Wedding invitation 1 month after due date but no newborns allowed

[JavanDawns]

I'm a first time mum and would appreciate some ideas as my DH and I are in a quandary about options for a wedding 1 month after our due date.

We are really close to the couple and have known one of them for 15 years and were housemates at uni. We were even at their engagement and helped with planning when they popped the question, so we really care about them and want to celebrate their special day with them if possible.

We knew it would be a challenge with a newborn and we might not be able to attend the full day so were willing to adapt, but they've just told us this week (after sending the invite) that their no kids rule for the day also includes babies and toddlers too... Obviously the baby could be early but either way it'll be between 2-6 weeks old at the time of the wedding. They know this and we've spoken to them but they want to stay consistent so don't want to have one rule for us and one for others. We are planning to combined feed, so baby would (hopefully) be happy on a bottle for 1 or 2 feeds that day. Obviously we won't know until baby arrives and will need to adapt, but we have to RSVP now so it's all a bit unknown at the moment.

Basically, my question is would you feel comfortable leaving a newborn with trusted MIL for between 1-3 hours to be able to attend even the ceremony part? TIA for your ideas!

but it was a hard no from them unfortunately

And it would be a polite but hard no from me to attend.

No way.

We had a child and baby free wedding and now have a two year. We still think it was the best decision for us. Our son has been invited to weddings we've attended since he was born but we've never taken him as we prefer to have a bit of a break and enjoy the weddings without having to worry about him ☺️

If babies 10 days late ( nhs like to induce if any more ) then baby will be 20days old.
You won’t necessarily be up to it. Still bleeding etc
Stitches? So sitting on a ring cushion ( I had to do this at a funeral )

We went to a funeral as I said at about the same time, ( db father ) it was very hard on me, baby came and slept the whole time though.

Personally I’d reply and say if they need a firm reply you can’t give that.

If you really want to go just do the service, assuming it’s a short one. Wear plenty of breast pads and a Jacket just in case of leakages.

It’s their wedding but I just don’t understand how friends can be so ridiculous. Couples need to lighten up, it’s supposed to be a party!

Ps we had this.
Best friend male.
No babies or children at wedding.
We had twins I was breastfeeding, Caesarian dcs 3months
Other friends like us were invited to the church then whilst the family had a meal we were supposed to wander around london for 4 hours till the evening event started

so didn’t do the service.
friend agreed to twins if they were put in a corner in their baskets and stayed quiet! We travelled to London, stayed at the party for about an hour or two. And that was it.

I thought it was pathetic but 20 years later I’m glad we went. He is still my best friend, we all holiday together occasionally.
They are godparents to one of my twins.
They are amazing with all our kids. They didn’t have kids.

I remember when DD was about 2 weeks old I had to have stitches in the food as they'd broken down and had infection. I was away from her for 1.5 hours and I found it so difficult!

Even if you could take the baby you would be supermum to manage to go to a wedding with a 2 week old. A 6 week old you will be slightly more together to actually leave the house.

You can't go. End of story. It's not about whether you can or cant bring a new born. It would be a miserable experience for you.

I would not leave a newborn at that young age. Your dh could go if your mum or someone will come around to support you. What if you have a c section? You won't be able to do anything and he would be needed around to lift baby etc.

I have known friends invite new parents weddings it has to be a really flexible invitation and the couple getting married have to appreciate that their guests may nit be able to come. If they are worried about wasting the money on you then it's best you decline as you really might be unable to come.

I’d decline on the basis that I increasingly think that people who don’t make exemptions for newborns are arseholes.

I could possibly have managed 1-2 hours with DS with grandparents at that point, but the faff of them having to come to the ceremony location would put me off. DP was taking DS out for walks by then, although my separation anxiety became pretty acute by the the end of them.

I’d decline on the basis that I increasingly think that people who don’t make exemptions for newborns are arseholes.

I’m usually “Do you” about everything weddings (although I also think guests should decline guilt-free if a couple’s decisions don’t suit their family). But I think I agree with this sentiment, OP.

Newborns want to be close to their mothers and mothers want to be close to their newborns. This is why there’s a big market for baby slings, next to me cribs and even soothers like Ewan the Sheep which replicate the mother’s heartbeat. I could go on. I’d find it very easy to decline and have absolutely no second thoughts if anyone had a problem with this.

And there’ll always be someone who says “I was on my best friend’s hen ten days post-partum” but there are so many unknowns about your birth.

I'd RSVP no from you, yes to ceremony DH. If you had a 6 week old, it would be difficult but manageable. But chances are you could have a 2/3 week old which is just not going to happen. If you have a C section you'd still be very much in recovery, you could have stitches, you will still be bleeding. That's without the hormone fluctuations/baby blues.

It's your first baby so the few weeks you'll be establishing everything and getting to know your baby. Learning what to do, probably getting anxious about whether everything is normal! I wouldn't add the stress of a wedding onto that for you.

I completely agree! Even childless weddings the vast majority exempt babies in arms!
Our wedding was no children with exception of babies under 1.

Yes weddings are what the couple wish to have but if they want a exclusively adult only wedding that comes with accepting friends with babies will decline especially with newborns!