Hello everyone. Please no hide judgement.
I have fleed to a refuge with my 1 year old.
I feel like the worst mum ever, my son adores his dad and always smiles at him. I don't want to say he's a bad dad.
However the relationship became toxic the moment I was in it. It was rushed i was very stupid for believing he loved me at the start. I have been emotionally abused aswell as some s*xual abuse that happened durning my pregnancy. There's been times he's pushed me over and left me with bruises. He's cheated on my via social media before, I tried to leave him 7 months ago and he was threatening to kill himself etc so I stayed. It became more toxic because I wa struggling to cope with the betrayal but I felt so bad on leaving him. Hes recently decided he don't want me know more and things became so bad for my mental health. We was living together and he was doing everything he can to get a reaction or upset me so i had to leave because my mental state got so bad. Him, his dad and my own mother have turnt against me and trying to get my son took of me, there constantly ringing and saying stuff to social services and childrens center . Luckily the social worker can see what there trying to do and said she's proud of me. Parts of me feels like I have let my son down massively because he loves his dad so much and his father is very upset but still trying to hurt me in ways. I had to put my mental health first. But now Im just over thinking it all. What if I'm being dramatic about this and have caused my son to be apart from his dad?? He will see his dad again once it goes through court as he's already has threatened me with my son. I just feel like I have maybe gone to far by coming to a refuge and taking him away for a while? It's so hard my heads all over. I just wish people could see it from my perspective and that I done it for a reason. But what if I'm genuinely overreacting and it's not as bad as it seems? I read some stuff saying if a mother takes a baby away from there father then the mother must be a monster and not love the children 😢 just want some opinions on the situation as my heads all over. Tia x
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Fleeing with my child
xx200xx · 03/02/2023 22:48
TheShellBeach · 26/02/2023 11:57
That's awful of your mum. Why on earth does she feel like that about her own daughter and grandson?
You must be feeling so alone, if your family are not supportive. I hope she doesn't tell your ex where you are. Would she do that, do you think?
Or have you not told her where the refuge is - which sounds the most sensible thing. Maybe your ex did send your family the papers, as he threatened to?
They all sound so toxic. You have a long road to travel but you always sound so together and determined, @xx200xx One day you'll be able to look back at this and be amazed at what you went through and what you achieved, to make sure you and your little boy stay safe.
I hope you've told your refuge worker about this - I'm sure you have, but tell them about your mum telling you ways to kill yourself. You need the support.
xx200xx · 26/02/2023 12:53
She's caused so many problems for us growing up and this is why non of her family speak to her!
She has no clue where I am she was trying to get information to find out also and I will not tell her a thing.
They are all as bad as each other and I'm gonna let them be.
At the moment I just feel like this road will never end but once it's over I will be able to breath again. There is a lot of worry and anxiety and the thought of people believing the lies everyone else is saying is hard enough on it's own.
I have spoke to the staff and luckily my support worker will be in tonight so I will speak to her! X
TheShellBeach · 26/02/2023 11:57
That's awful of your mum. Why on earth does she feel like that about her own daughter and grandson?
You must be feeling so alone, if your family are not supportive. I hope she doesn't tell your ex where you are. Would she do that, do you think?
Or have you not told her where the refuge is - which sounds the most sensible thing. Maybe your ex did send your family the papers, as he threatened to?
They all sound so toxic. You have a long road to travel but you always sound so together and determined, @xx200xx One day you'll be able to look back at this and be amazed at what you went through and what you achieved, to make sure you and your little boy stay safe.
I hope you've told your refuge worker about this - I'm sure you have, but tell them about your mum telling you ways to kill yourself. You need the support.
Starlightstarbright1 · 26/02/2023 20:22
Late to the thread...
However just wanted to say i went into a refuge when my ds was 10 months old- it took me a while it isn't all I am out of this situation all happy but my life has definitely improved.
Do look at the freedom program -
Have no interaction with any negative people-
Focus on building a life for you and your Ds
NaturalBae · 11/03/2023 10:35
No, it won’t look good on his part.
Are you still in the refuge?
Continue to get lots of advice from the refuge workers and Women’s Aid.
You’re doing a great job. Good luck 🍀
xx200xx · 11/03/2023 19:43
Hello,
Yes I'm still in the refuge. I think for the support it's for the best.
My confidence has came along massively within the space of a month!! X
NaturalBae · 11/03/2023 10:35
No, it won’t look good on his part.
Are you still in the refuge?
Continue to get lots of advice from the refuge workers and Women’s Aid.
You’re doing a great job. Good luck 🍀
samqueens · 13/03/2023 13:13
You’re doing amazingly OP! We are all rotting for you. Try not to let the letters scare you - the more he lies over things you can prove the weaker his case will be. I really empathise with your fear over custody, but one step at a time - just keep putting one foot in front of the other.
good luck!!
xx200xx · 10/03/2023 21:05
I just thought I would let you know he changed his surname to avoid paying child maintenance. However the child maintained office has now found him and are going to contact him.
Surely this won't look good on his part?
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