Hello everyone. Please no hide judgement.
I have fleed to a refuge with my 1 year old.
I feel like the worst mum ever, my son adores his dad and always smiles at him. I don't want to say he's a bad dad.
However the relationship became toxic the moment I was in it. It was rushed i was very stupid for believing he loved me at the start. I have been emotionally abused aswell as some s*xual abuse that happened durning my pregnancy. There's been times he's pushed me over and left me with bruises. He's cheated on my via social media before, I tried to leave him 7 months ago and he was threatening to kill himself etc so I stayed. It became more toxic because I wa struggling to cope with the betrayal but I felt so bad on leaving him. Hes recently decided he don't want me know more and things became so bad for my mental health. We was living together and he was doing everything he can to get a reaction or upset me so i had to leave because my mental state got so bad. Him, his dad and my own mother have turnt against me and trying to get my son took of me, there constantly ringing and saying stuff to social services and childrens center . Luckily the social worker can see what there trying to do and said she's proud of me. Parts of me feels like I have let my son down massively because he loves his dad so much and his father is very upset but still trying to hurt me in ways. I had to put my mental health first. But now Im just over thinking it all. What if I'm being dramatic about this and have caused my son to be apart from his dad?? He will see his dad again once it goes through court as he's already has threatened me with my son. I just feel like I have maybe gone to far by coming to a refuge and taking him away for a while? It's so hard my heads all over. I just wish people could see it from my perspective and that I done it for a reason. But what if I'm genuinely overreacting and it's not as bad as it seems? I read some stuff saying if a mother takes a baby away from there father then the mother must be a monster and not love the children 😢 just want some opinions on the situation as my heads all over. Tia x
Fleeing with my child
xx200xx · 03/02/2023 22:48
Hello everyone. Please no hide judgement.
xx200xx · 04/02/2023 00:24
Can I just add, he's trying to get 50/50!custody of are son.
I'm really not feeling okay about this as I don't trust he will return him as threats have been made.
He's been recording every phone call and some I have snapped bad on at him. So I'm just really worried this will be used against me.
I have got a solicitor involved now so I just hope we can come to an agreement where a court order is out in place.
Does anyone know the chances of him having 50-50 custody with me having to go into a refuge? Police are also being called due to him threating.
Firsttimemum120 · 04/02/2023 00:37
trust me you’ve done the best thing as a mother you’ve left and every service here to help you will recognise that.
You will feel guilty you will feel pain but one day you will see this as one of the best things you’ve ever done.
I’ve left my abusive partner today too and been no direct contact and he’s trying to get through to me via my mum about our child but she isn’t tolerating him either.
they are not “good dads” no meaning of the word if they were good dads they wouldn’t treat us like this they wouldn’t ignore their existence of the child and they would understand the need for a calm positive environment for your child to feel safe and grow. They don’t care about the children it’s all about controlling us and getting to us and that is the only reason he’s going for 50/50 if he really did that he’d actually have to do the hard work
Twillow · 04/02/2023 00:41
Bless you, you have done so well. What you've written here is more than enough to tell me you've done the right thing.
Regarding this:if a mother takes a baby away from there father then the mother must be a monster and not love the children
Focus on this instead- it really helped me see that I was harming my children by staying in an abusive relationship: the best thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.
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