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Fleeing with my child
xx200xx · 03/02/2023 22:48
Hello everyone. Please no hide judgement.
I have fleed to a refuge with my 1 year old.
I feel like the worst mum ever, my son adores his dad and always smiles at him. I don't want to say he's a bad dad.
However the relationship became toxic the moment I was in it. It was rushed i was very stupid for believing he loved me at the start. I have been emotionally abused aswell as some s*xual abuse that happened durning my pregnancy. There's been times he's pushed me over and left me with bruises. He's cheated on my via social media before, I tried to leave him 7 months ago and he was threatening to kill himself etc so I stayed. It became more toxic because I wa struggling to cope with the betrayal but I felt so bad on leaving him. Hes recently decided he don't want me know more and things became so bad for my mental health. We was living together and he was doing everything he can to get a reaction or upset me so i had to leave because my mental state got so bad. Him, his dad and my own mother have turnt against me and trying to get my son took of me, there constantly ringing and saying stuff to social services and childrens center . Luckily the social worker can see what there trying to do and said she's proud of me. Parts of me feels like I have let my son down massively because he loves his dad so much and his father is very upset but still trying to hurt me in ways. I had to put my mental health first. But now Im just over thinking it all. What if I'm being dramatic about this and have caused my son to be apart from his dad?? He will see his dad again once it goes through court as he's already has threatened me with my son. I just feel like I have maybe gone to far by coming to a refuge and taking him away for a while? It's so hard my heads all over. I just wish people could see it from my perspective and that I done it for a reason. But what if I'm genuinely overreacting and it's not as bad as it seems? I read some stuff saying if a mother takes a baby away from there father then the mother must be a monster and not love the children 😢 just want some opinions on the situation as my heads all over. Tia x
xx200xx · 15/02/2023 21:52
TheShellBeach · 14/02/2023 21:18
It's been a few days, OP - how are you? It took so much courage to leave that man. I hope you and your child are coping. Let us know if you need any support.
We're all cheering you on.
Hello Darling,
Got to say Thankyou sooo much for your support and kind words. I'm feeling a little bit better. I just hate the guy so much. His friend who is like a friend of mine messaged me, she seemed like she was being nice but I personally think she was trying to gather information. By the sounds of it I have been made out to be a evil person. I think it's part of a game. Baby's dad sent me an email trying to be nice but I think it's to look good on his part but it was definitely manipulation. Emergency court application should hopefully be sorted by the end of this week. Once that's done I should hopefully feel completely free!! Xx
TheShellBeach · 15/02/2023 22:37
Yes, it sounds like she was trying to find things out.
Be careful you don't accidentally tell her where you are. You don't want him turning up at the refuge.
I'm sure that any "nice" emails from this scum are another tactic on his part.
You're really clever at figuring out what people are up to. Impressive! I hope your little boy is okay.
xx200xx · 18/02/2023 17:28
I keep getting really stressed with my son. He's gone from being really shy to really pushing boundaries. I feel so awful for feeling this way and after I stress and wanna just hold him so close because he's my best friend. I'm just struggling with him. He finds the word no funny at the moment, I'm trying my best to distract him but it's hard. He does seem much happier and maybe he's happier and acting like this because he feels safe with me? Just feel so much guilt over stressing and I don't want him to ever feel like I don't like him. We laugh and hug so much bad the stressful moments take over and it's hard to stop feeling guilty. I'm trying my hardest
YankeeDad · 18/02/2023 17:43
@xx200xx
You have done the right thing for your child by leaving, even though it was difficult.
Even if some days are shitty days, that is just part of what makes it difficult. But it is still right, for your child and for you.
Do not let anyone tell you otherwise.
TheShellBeach · 21/02/2023 20:08
xx200xx · 21/02/2023 19:58
Non molestation court hearing tommorow everybody. I'm so scared i have no idea what to expect... my solicitor will be ringing me before hand for a chat but nervous!!
I know it's scary. I remember being terrified when I went to mine and knowing he would be there. I didn't eat anything for 24 hours before it.
Honestly, it was over before I had a chance to pass out with fright.
You've been very, very brave so far. You've shown what a strong woman you are. You rescued your little boy from a terrible situation and good times are ahead of you now.
Please believe me - what you've done is admirable and you'll find the courage to face the court tomorrow from somewhere. After all, you've faced your ex at his worst, many times, and you survived.
Good luck for tomorrow. It'll be okay.
Zola1 · 21/02/2023 20:10
Can the refuge staff talk to you about it? Is he on notice of the hearing, did your solicitor tell you he will be there? Also is it face to face?
Youre going to be absolutely fine, see if one of the staff will go with you, you're doing a fantastic thing for you and your son
xx200xx · 22/02/2023 11:42
Hello everyone I thought I replied!
My support worker will be sat with me. It's via Microsoft teams..,
My social worker and solicitor has said he's denying everything already and trying to seek legal adivice. It's gonna be a hard day I'm so nervours.
I have not lied about anything, everything that happened did happen.
Thankyou for your support and i will keep you updated!! Xx
xx200xx · 22/02/2023 19:12
TheShellBeach · 22/02/2023 18:22
How did it go, @xx200xx ?
Are you okay?
It really tipped me over the edge today. I'm a little confused by it.
So there is a non mol out in place however he denied me having one against him at first. But because there is evidence I did get one,
So now he needs to do a statement and it's going to court and we are re doing this again. He is also having his dad, brother as a witness. The moment my solicitor said I have 2 witnesses he is now saying he has got 4. I have no idea who these are and no one seen the abuse, so his dad and his brother I'm guessing are gonna lie for him and stuff. I'm so worried about this outcome as he is a compulsive liar. I'm so scared no one will believe me. It's really took a toll on me. He has denied all allegations even when some proof is there. It's horrible x
TheShellBeach · 22/02/2023 19:16
xx200xx · 22/02/2023 19:12
It really tipped me over the edge today. I'm a little confused by it.
So there is a non mol out in place however he denied me having one against him at first. But because there is evidence I did get one,
So now he needs to do a statement and it's going to court and we are re doing this again. He is also having his dad, brother as a witness. The moment my solicitor said I have 2 witnesses he is now saying he has got 4. I have no idea who these are and no one seen the abuse, so his dad and his brother I'm guessing are gonna lie for him and stuff. I'm so worried about this outcome as he is a compulsive liar. I'm so scared no one will believe me. It's really took a toll on me. He has denied all allegations even when some proof is there. It's horrible x
TheShellBeach · 22/02/2023 18:22
How did it go, @xx200xx ?
Are you okay?
Honey, if he's denying all allegations even where there's some proof, he hasn't got a leg to stand on.
The courts will have heard all this stuff before.
The fact that you're in a refuge speaks volumes.
Well done for getting through today. It can't have been easy.
TheShellBeach · 25/02/2023 23:05
xx200xx · 25/02/2023 22:37
@TheShellBeach
I have sent an email to my solicitor.
I got a message of a close friend that my mum was trying to reach out then that's when I got told by her he's sent it over. It's horrible x
Yes my love, it's really horrible. You're very brave and you'll get through this.
I remember feeling scared and sick most of the time when I went through it.
That was many years ago but I remember it well.
I used to think that maybe it hadn't been that bad, but I was only trying to convince myself. It really had been that bad and I needed to keep me and the kids away from him.
It was safer to be away from their dad. He was cruel and dangerous.
I'll tell you what though- ten years later I met a good man. We're still together.
You'll get through it too.
Just put something on this thread when you need support. I check it every day and I think other women on here do, too. We're rooting for you. Stay strong.
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