So worried about my 11yr old DS walking home from school - How to prepare him

[doublechocolatedigestives]

Just some advice or tips to calm my nerves.
My 11 year old is due to start high school in September.
I've always had a car so he isn't very streetwise and doesn't look when crossing the road etc (no matter how many times I tell him)

I'm looking to return to work so wouldn't be able to pick him up and I really want to save on after school club fees.

My problem is, people are telling me to throw him in the deep end and get him to start coming home alone. I plan to get him a phone but when I envision him leaving school and coming home I feel like something dreadful will happen.
We live 1.2 miles from the school. He could either walk the whole way or get a bus

There is a girl who is in his class and I was thinking to let him walk with her but the majority of the journey would be by himself

Any advice?

You’ve coddled him a bit but there is still time to help him become more independent. Best day to start is today. Next best is tomorrow. Build him up slowly and I am sure he will be fine. Let him know at each stage how proud you are of him!

I let my kids judge when it's safe to cross, then I give them the go ahead. If they're buying something for themselves with their own money then I make them go to the till themselves.
You're being treated really unfairly.
I have taught my kids how to use the road but cars seem to have gotten more inattentive. Every morning we cross a large road at a junction with traffic lights and a lollypop lady. Every day I see cars breaking the lights and people looking at their phones.

Sweet Jesus the judgement on this thread!!

OP apologies I've not read through all of it (couldn't tolerate the inherent smugness of many replies) but have you got an old smart phone you could give him. I gave my son one just for learning to travel and primary. It never left his bag as I locked it down for everything except phone calls, messaging & (crucially) the Life360 app which is free for basic functionality ie tracking & alerts when your son reaches 2 places set by you ...for us this was home & school. Peace of mind for parent & child.
I took out a monthly £5 SIM only with Vodafone. Still on it now & he's 15!

You have plenty of time to get him more streetwise - do some practise walks to and from the school. Send him to the local shop to get a pint of milk etc and he will soon improve his independence. Chances are, he will meet people at school and start walking home with them - possibly dawdling, taking the longest route home so you worry anyway!

Can't recommend Life360 enough!

@beautifulyoungmind @Dagnabit
Thank you. Yes I've got an old iPhone which he just uses at home to watch YouTube but I've ordered a giff gaff sim which is coming in a few days to put into it.
Same thing just calls and texts. Don't take it out at school or while you are walking etc, text when got to said destination...
he does take care of his things so I'm not worried for him losing it
And I've heard a lot of about this Life360 so I'll be downloading the app too

Hi OP, bless you, haven't read everything but can see you've been getting some harsh replies.

Just sharing my own story - I'm the 2nd of 4 siblings, 4th was the 'surprise baby' born the summer that I turned 11! So I had passed the 11 plus and got into a great grammar school really far from our house - an hour by bus, with walks either end.

With the new baby and my little brother still at primary school in the opposite direction from home, my mum had no choice but to tell me I was very capable, buy me a bus pass, and let me get on with it!

I was FINE.

I do have memories of some very frosty winter mornings when the sun wasn't up, waiting at the bus stop with questionable (SE London) 'characters' and feeling a bit uncertain...! But everyone has to grow up sometime and I grew up that September into a reasonably resilient person with good street smarts.

I think your DS will be great and that the more you tell him he can do it, the more he will do it! Plus there's a big difference between being with a parent and relying on them to keep you safe, vs really being alone and reliant on yourself. It will probably be really good for him to get this independence.

Best of luck!

Yes, l’ve spent masses of time there. However, the system is set up
for that to work - adults ( strangers ) look out for the kids & they are safe because of this.
Its also the same in Norway , Switzerland… Germany etc… different system & culture.
Of course it’s possible to do it here, but it isn’t a community or culture based thing/achievement… it’s down to individual parents coming up with things.
l lived in the US for years too - hardly any kids walked, they were driven by parents / got the school bus. They had no difficulty transferring to their own cars at 16.
op came for help from a bunch of parents - this is a typical way in the UK to move forward… shame so many of u decided to have a go & brag.

Throwing him in at the deep end is bad advice when road safety is concerned! Start now with more walking with him, watching road safety videos, then him doing short walks with less busy roads/crossings, then gradually increase till September. Plan his route to be the safest one even if it would be a bit longer. You've got a few months.

@AegonT @withlotsoflove @WoolyMammoth55 thank you much.
I'm leaving now to collect him on foot. On the way back I am going to tell him to walk WAY ahead of me and meet at Savers which is on the same side but he has to cross 4 side roads which cars turn in and out of and see how he does.
He will have to look then because I won't be beside him
Wish me luck lol

Good luck OP, I'm sure he'll manage fine and you'll wonder why you ever worried!

@Natsku thank you! I'm sure I will. I just need to get out of my head.

Have a good afternoon

Just an update -
He walked ahead and checked the roads (I was behind him by about 8 shops). Gave him some money and he went into a sweet shop and bought a drink. He walked all the way to the bus station and was totally fine.
On the bus he sat at the front and I was at the back. He pressed the bell at the right place and got off before me.

I feel so relieved that he was paying attention and really done quite well.
He is excited to go on his own on Monday now!

That's wonderful, bet you feel reassured now

What a fabulous update. Well done.

Ps Does he understand about bus stops being on the opposite side of the road for opposite direction travel?

@TeenDivided yes he knows the bus stop to get to school in the morning and the different routes he could take. He was so excited to tell me about walking without me this morning.
I showed him how to use the bus app. He was more chilled than me who was nauseous when he walked ahead but he handled the roads so well on his own

What a confidence boost for both of you! Bet you're so proud of him. It's amazing how kids will rise to a challenge and surprise us.

You know your child.

posted too soon ! If they’re ready you will know. I walked mine a few times then walked at a distance so I knew they were safe. Find my iPhone also works well too!

I am just stunned at this thread. At age 7 mine would cook themselves breakfast, prepare their pack lunch and walk 6 miles to the local school. Then we moved and they took a bus, train and underground, a long commute but they could plan the weekly shop for the way back, complete their homework and sort out our tax returns. By 11 they were working down the local mine🙄

Lmao @Jumpingovertherainbow
So they'll be prime minister by age 13 then 😉

Jumpingovertherainbow

ffs with all that advancement why didn’t they go to Oxford but ended up in a mine?

@Winniethepoohandtiggertoo@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

What’s it like to be perfect?