So worried about my 11yr old DS walking home from school - How to prepare him

[doublechocolatedigestives]

Just some advice or tips to calm my nerves.
My 11 year old is due to start high school in September.
I've always had a car so he isn't very streetwise and doesn't look when crossing the road etc (no matter how many times I tell him)

I'm looking to return to work so wouldn't be able to pick him up and I really want to save on after school club fees.

My problem is, people are telling me to throw him in the deep end and get him to start coming home alone. I plan to get him a phone but when I envision him leaving school and coming home I feel like something dreadful will happen.
We live 1.2 miles from the school. He could either walk the whole way or get a bus

There is a girl who is in his class and I was thinking to let him walk with her but the majority of the journey would be by himself

Any advice?

What a best friend of mine did too was she knew someone who lived half way between the journey home, but was in (SAHM) so her teen daughter could nip in there if she felt unsafe or even if she just fancied a chat.

How the World has changed (and not always for the better). I was walking back and forward to school without an adult, from the second week of primary, when I was 5! Fair enough, it was only just over half a mile, but it did have a busy road to be crossed and no zebra crossing or other crossing aid.

Sometimes I walked with a friend, whose parents had a shop near my house, but that was actually more dangerous. Friend wasn’t allowed to cross road without an adult and her parents told me I had to go to their shop, to tell whoever was working that she was waiting to cross! It meant I had to cross main road, then a second road to get to the shop, then to cross back over second road to get to my house! Mum was normally working, so I had a key to get into my house. Nowadays children aren’t allowed to leave school, until p5, without a parent being there to collect them. Think that says how much safety concerns have really changed in the last 40 years!

Awe OP you've done well. Both to keep your temper with the unnecessarily rude posters and to let your DS have more freedom in the course of the thread.

Your DS will be fine because he's excited about it and feels ready. When my DS first started crossing roads and going to the shop, he wasn't comfortable about it. But he got there in the end. His life experiences have been completely different from mine. I grew up getting the bus and walking lots. We live in the middle of nowhere and our DC get driven most places. It doesn't mean we're rubbish parents or our DCs are incapable. They just live different lives.

My 7 year old started walking or cycling (on paths, not on the road) by herself this school year, which is typical where we live. We had already been walking and cycling the route together all last school year. I was already completely confident she knew the safest route, that she knew how to cross on the green man and that she knew to make sure drivers weren't going to run the red before stepping out (horribly common). Waiting for her to arrive home the first few times I was having kittens. But she did it, no problems, as I knew she could and as she knew she could. It's about putting in the groundwork that gets you to the point where you know the fear is irrational because you've seen for yourself that they have the skills they need.

Hi @minipie yes we have done the walk to and from the school but only during summer and when I've been without a car. But I see what someone else said about kids switching off because mum is there with them so I'm hoping he will be more aware when he has to travel there and back without me

@Fcuk38 I've already explained this. YES I WALK PLACES WITH HIM AND HE STILL DOESNT LOOK WHEN WE CROSS THE ROAD FFS. The whole point of this (and the previous explaining I done up thread) is to say after all of this he still doesn't look or pay attention. Any advice or tips is what I asked. Not rip my ass off
Bloody hell

Thank you @WinnieFosterReads
Unfortunately I have lost it now and gone off at a PP who clearly can't read.
I posted this feeling bad enough about it but after some of the posts I practically cried myself to sleep.
Some people are so nasty is unbelievable
Anywho luckily he went off this morning with his friend happy
I was travelling 3.5 miles to school when I was 11 but I'm 42 now and things are different.
A lot of boys get chased and set upon by gangs around here so this is a big worry for me as well as the roads

He's probably just relying on you, tell him he's in charge of crossing the road now whenever you walk together.

Thank you @VitaminX
I was the same with my first son but he was used to the buses etc so first two days I was nervous but nothing like this lol

@Natsku yeah think that's it. Well today I will get him to direct me home from school

Am I the only one irritated by the posts saying "my DD can make a 10 course meal, teach a class of 7 year olds Japanese and still be back in time to pay her mortgage by running her own business from the school yard...' 🙄It's not about what your child can do. Children are different. My own DS is similar to yours, and yes, I'm concerned about it too. Practice is the answer I think.

How far away is his primary school? Ideally, you should’ve started walking to and from school with him years ago (unless you live miles away). Then encouraged him to start walking home alone or with a friend in, say Y5 or Y6. There’s only a few months left, but it’s best to start now than leave him to do this for the first time in Y7.

I started walking home from school around the age of 8. I lived nearby but there was a busy road outside the school. I also started getting the bus with my friends into the nearby town in Year 6 so I was prepared for the bus to secondary school (I lived miles away from it). I’m in my 20s.

It's interesting the point you make about gangs. I wanted to give our boys more freedom much earlier than DH did. He grew up as a boy in an area with gangs and pointed out my experiences were completely different because I was a girl (my area did have gangs but they didn't bother the girls.) Some of the 'oh it's all wonderful' posters obviously, luckily for them and their DCs, had much more sheltered experiences hence why they can't relate.

Please don’t feel shit OP, everyone’s situation is different. We lived very rurally when mine were young, no street lighting or footpaths, narrow lanes. I took mine to and from school until they were at senior school, then they were taken to a bus stop 2 miles away.
They did grow up to be fully functioning, capable adults, definitely more so than me!
Now you’ve recognised that he needs some input I’m sure all will be well, ignore the incredulous and scathing individuals on here!

‘streetwise’ is something that can only be developed when the child is ready and unlikely to make impulsive decisions which would put them in danger - I considered around 11 was the right age to send my naïve daughter on 2 buses and busy road walking/crossing and a 3 mile journey each way.

I’ll leave you up there on your high horse to look down smugly on the majority of parents on this thread. Thank you for your input.

I’m sure I have read that children under 10 cannot accurately judge the speed of an oncoming car.

So if a child’s journey involves crossing a road without a pedestrian crossing , with frequent cars, it is not at all silly to wait till age 10 to teach them, in fact it’s the sensible thing to do.

It all depends on your route, if there are crossings everywhere or hardly any traffic that’s very different from learning to nip across in a brief traffic gap.

Also depends on the nature of your child if they are cautious and sensible or a bit inmature or gung ho. If you have the latter and there is no need to teach them earlier then it makes sense to wait till they are older and hopefully more grown up.

All children and circumstances are different. Less judgment please if someone doesn’t do exactly the same as you.

This is why parents need to stop baying their children and developing age appropriate independence.

Absolutely agree. Such rude people around.

That was a brilliant typo!

In your opinion.

@Ivesaidenough yes yes yes! Thank you 😊

Definitely don't throw her m in at the deep end! Spend now until September walking with him a couple of times a week and then towards the end of summer let him go by himself. Where I live kids walk from 9 so the summer before they all start walking and getting the hang of it.

What? All 8 year olds certainly cannot do this. Many people live rurally (although it sounds like the OP does not). These are urban skills that many, many children do not have. Yes they've been taught how to cross the road - but many won't have had too much practice in a busy environment and wouldn't be equipped to do the sort of walk the OP is talking about, or to catch buses either. Those skills come later.

Agree with all of this.

I have an 11 year old OP and he doesn’t walk home yet alone either. It’s 3 miles to school and there are no buses on the route - so I take him currently.

My eldest DS will be 14 in June and I still worry. He has walked to and from school (1.6 miles) since he was 11 mostly alone, occasional company for half of journey.

Leading up to it I walked with him more often and approaching a road i just stopped and didn't go until he looked at me confused. I tried my best to make him be in charge of my destiny! He found it all a bit funny and not sure if it worked, but you could give that a go. I wondered if he was so spaced out when with me because he knew I'd stop him on a subconscious level.

We use the Life 360 app and even now I still always glance at it to check where he is.