Regret at having more than one child?

[Blueotterwhale]

Does anyone regret having more than 1 child?

We have one, love our life. I'm an only and never thought I would have an only but our life is so fulfilled with one. All I can think of is the negative side of 2, the fighting, not getting along less time, less money for fun things, no holiday every year, less free time for us etc.

We are at the point where we need to decide whether to add another (which of course might still not happen even if we want it to) but I'm feeling so conflicted. Can anyone provide experience of having 2 and the positives? Or just of having 1 and being glad you didn't have a second?

Frankly, we wanted a second because we didn't want an only child. We didn't want them not to have a play mate, a sibling in older life etc. For all the fights, reduced disposable income etc, I think its worth it for all the good times we have as a four and watching them be together

I've got my lonely-only MN bingo card out!

No regrets for having just one child. Two would have been lovely as well.

When we had our first, I thought that was it, but he was a quiet, reserved child, very needy and not outgoing. At playgroups he always stayed with me. We started trying for second child when first was 2 years old, but in the end he was nearly 4 years old when we had our second son. It didn’t stop us doing anything and they got on really well. Last forward 20 years, they fell out last year and hardly speak now. If we had just stayed with one, he would have been spoilt rotten by us and family. I do think I had a closer bond with my first son as we did so much just the 2 of us, whereas the second fitted in with our life.

My two play together so I’m not stuck entertaining them like my friends who have only one kid, which gives me down time. My life is way easier. (I find “playing” boring, difficult to admit but true.) Sure they bicker but they also love each over deeply which is lovely to see.

I've always had the same thought process as you. I come from a large family with lots of siblings, it's great as in there's never a dull moment and there was always someone around - however i personally did struggle with middle child syndrome and often felt left out, and now later in my adult life knowing my Mum is closer with the others is something that still bugs me, and that me and siblings have drifted and aren't as close as we were when we were children. But that said, I think to have siblings adds character to someone, they get to share experiences together - me and my siblings still to this day laugh and joke about funny things in our childhood and it's lovely! There's a 'best friend' figure in a sibling if the bond remains strong.

I've always thought if I were to have two children I'd like them around 8 years apart because they are at different stages by then and I always pictured the bickering an fighting for your attention to be much much less ... but that said it's not promised they will be like that anyway.

If you're happy with one though that's perfectly ok. People don't pop multiple kids out these days like they used to :)

Yes I wish I had stuck with one,
people say they play together but mine just argue obviously wouldn’t want to be without them now but If I had my time again I would only have one

I have one and am not sure I'll have another due to fertility issues. I'm trying to make peace with it but it's pretty all consuming. I feel real guilt at my child being an only. It's a personal thing but it's super tough!!

Siblings don't necessarily play together or like each other.

I love having two. The youngest is 15 months and is just starting to want to play with her sister. It's really lovely.

I wouldn't have another though

If you love your life then stay as you are.

I think it very much depends on the individual children. My eldest always wanted some one to play with, and never could play alone at all. He was also really good with younger kids. A second was the right decision for him.

There’s no right answer. If you’re happy, stick with one. Being an only isn’t bad as people make it out to be - I am one. I chose to have 3 though. It works for us and we’re happy.

I have 4 - 2 older children (in their late 20's and early 30's) from my first marriage and 2 both teens from my 2nd marriage .. my first 2 had 5 years between them and were very close and hardly ever argued. They fell out a couple of years ago and sadly now don't speak. My younger 2 only have just under 2 years between them and never argued until they reached their teens!! They have their moments as they have the same circle of friends and that's nice however the arguments drive me nuts sometimes! That said I wouldn't be without any of them
This is a decision only you and your partner can decide x

We've got 1 ds (4) and are pretty sure we are 1 and done. I have the off pang of "should we?" But a). Dh is set at 1 pretty much 99% and b). I like our life, we have some disposable income, ds gets 100% attention when needed and it struck me when we were doing his reading last night I'd have no idea how to meet his needs with a newborn too. Also I find 18 months to 3 very challenging (although obviously loved ds to bits still) and I'm not keen to go through it again! Dh and I get us time and our lives are overall happy and lovely.

I think only having 1 is over all a lifestyle choice for me and dh and I think that's OK. My dsis and I are 4 years apart and didn't get on till I left home at 20! My df and his brother were no contact, there's no guarantees.

I just had this massive urge to have a 2nd. 1st baby was an absolute dream (but I didn't realise it at the time). 2nd was an absolute nightmare baby (and still is). Had to hold her non stop for a year and a half. She cried, whinged, made life very hard for a while and eldest Daughter became badly behaved because she wasn't getting the same attention.

Having said all that, she has made out lives absolutely perfect. They now play together (aged 2 and 5) and the youngest now joins in with everything. They have a really special bond and there is no way that I regret having her (even if the first year and a half was hell). It's still not easy though and they do argue and fight a lot but it's totally worth it and I'm so glad I had a 2nd.

I know I wouldn't have been happy with one but with two our previously calm-ish life is gone. It's a totally different life with two and it was a hard adjustment for us at first. If you're genuinely happy with one you don't need to have more.

I had my two fairly close together, DS1 was 21mths when DS2 arrived, DS2 has been much, much harder work. But they are adults now and best mates as well as close brothers. No regrets for having two. A close gap make life easier, they like the same tv programmes, toys, attractions etc. they did fight a little when they were young, but nothing to bad at all.

It depends on you and you're parenting and what you teach them. It works itself out.

Aww yes exactly the same for me, DS1 lulled us into a false sense of security, DS2 was a whole different ball game! And the reason a 3rd was totally out of the question. But so worth it though.

I had DS1 then a ten year gap between him and DS2 then we had DS3 within 3 years.

Having an only child is a wholly different experience to having children, IMO. Both have their own positives and negatives, so will suit different people. If you like the only child life then perhaps it is the right experience for you. Personally I didn't like it, I loooove having a little crowd and this is what I always wanted. I never felt satisfied with just one.

My friends with 2+ often seem more stressed when we go out while trying to watch where their kids are in parks etc. I'm often glad that I don't have more than one to round up! I am happy to arrange play dates and have an outgoing child that's happy to play alone, with us or with other kids which helps.

Think about how you'd cope if any future children had higher needs than your first. I've had some friends on this position.

My second was twins 😂

Having 3 is brilliant fun. Hard work, chaotic, relentless but I wouldn't change it for the world. Yes they squabble but outside of that they have a beautiful loving sibling relationship with each other

But I can't particularly empathise with those who are one and done and it wouldn't ever be something I choose for myself and my eldest child so admittedly that would always affect my reply to be honest

I can honestly say I’ve never come across anyone who regretted having more than 1 child.

Yes. It's too expensive. Love them but one would have been better.

I’m an only child in a small family and found it very lonely growing up, though dh is also an only and loved it.
Watching our two dc interact makes me appreciate how much I missed out on, I haven’t regretted it for a second.