Regret at having more than one child?

[Blueotterwhale]

Does anyone regret having more than 1 child?

We have one, love our life. I'm an only and never thought I would have an only but our life is so fulfilled with one. All I can think of is the negative side of 2, the fighting, not getting along less time, less money for fun things, no holiday every year, less free time for us etc.

We are at the point where we need to decide whether to add another (which of course might still not happen even if we want it to) but I'm feeling so conflicted. Can anyone provide experience of having 2 and the positives? Or just of having 1 and being glad you didn't have a second?

The introvert v extrovert thing is interesting too as DH and I are very much introverts (him more than me, even though he has two siblings and I have 0!) but DD1 is far more of an extrovert. She's very social and gregarious and perhaps that helped tipped the balance for us a bit too in going with a second.

It just goes to show that it's a completely personal decision based on your circumstances. It depends entirely on your experiences of pregnancy, birth, labour, the early years, beliefs, hormonal urges, relationships, external support, finances, the list goes on.
And that should ALWAYS be respected.

What really grinds me is when people say it's selfish and unfair to their child if they just stick at one. As if it's only ever about the child's needs and not yours.
What matters is whether YOU truly want another child, and that choice should always be respected.

We have an only.
We would only be having another child for the benefit of our DS, not because we actually want one, so we decided to stick at one as a sibling is not a definite friend for life, or in childhood.

I do think sometimes would things be better for him if he had a sibling to share it with, but ultimately I don't think it would be, we have a great life and he has lovely little mates that can come whenever he wants.

Interestingly, I have just had an intense conversation on Whatsapp with a group of old friends and we were talking about our siblings. Most of us said we aren't close to them (late 40s) although there is no bad feeling.

Yes. I regret it

If I could go back in time, I'd just have my DS

DD just isn't as special

Good to throw that bomb in, spice up the thread!

Aw that makes my heart break for your DD. But thanks for being honest.

It's just being honest. And it's anonymous so she can't read it!

She also isn't as good looking so maybe that's why. But she is so bloody kind and generous, always helping people. She's a sweetheart

I was an only until age 6 when my twin sisters came along. Loved playing the big sister the first year, after that we really didn't get in until I was probably 24 / they were 18. Since then our bind has got stronger and now at mid 30's, I'd class them as my best friends. So children growing up - meh, adults - amazing bond.

I'm now a mum of 2 (a 4week old and a 2.5year old). I knew if we had 2, it would be a smaller gap than what I had with my sisters.

I have more than one, all close in age, and it has been chaotic and noisy and squabbly and non-stop. I wouldn't swap it for anything. They are all wonderfully different yet similar, and they all brighten up the world. If I'd only been able to have one, I'd have been grateful for that one - but I'm glad that I had more. The best time of my life, by a million miles, was when they were toddlers. If I could go back in time, I'd go back to then.

I always find it so weird that this would even enter people’s minds! I have 2, don’t regret the second. Why on earth would I?

I am one of 5 and my DH one of 3 and all
We get from our family is strife. Truly life would be better for us if we have been only children, we are stuck financially and emotionally bailing out our siblings all the time and still stuck with full
Care of our aging parents.

We have one child, we are so happy to empower him to follow his interests and find friends.

Friends are the family you choose.

We are so happy with one child, for our benefit and his.

I'm torn on this. My youngest is hard work and causes us endless stress. She's rude, demanding and can be awful to her sister. I wanted another so that they'd have each other as we're such a small family (they don't have any cousins) but sometimes I wish I'd stuck with one.

I do think there becomes a point where having an only child is more work than two - I didn’t want to be my child’s only play mate, I didn’t want to have to do endless play dates, I didn’t want to have to eat dinner at 5pm to sit with them. Just my perspective.

I have a 2.5yo and a 6mo - so can't talk long term. Overall so far, I love having two children and am considering a third... HOWEVER there are times like this week where both have stinking colds (as do I) and want me to hold them all night long that I wish I had just one so that I could care for them in exactly the way they need. But I couldn't even begin to think about not having either of them.

I was an only child and while I had a nice childhood and was never lonely, I was jealous of other people's loud, chaotic, people-filled houses and want that for our family going forward.

No I do appreciate your honesty in your answer.

Do you think you would feel the same towards them both if you son didn't have a good personality with the good looks? So if he was rude/difficult would this make DD seem more special overall?
Just wondering if it's because your son is the "full package" it's hard to compete with him?

We are probably one and done. DH and his brother don’t get on and so we don’t feel the need to give DD a sibling.

You don’t know what your second is going to be like until they’re here. They could get on with your first, they could be the complete opposite of your first, it could be twins, they could have additional needs. For us, if we want a second it’s going to be because we want one, rather than giving DD a sibling or any other reason. There is obviously the additional costs, additional stress and I just don’t think I would be the type of mother I want to be with two kids. Generally on the whole I would probably be 70% of the mother I would like to be but on the hard days I don’t think I will be anywhere near that level. If we have a second it will be very much a heart over head decision and honestly I think if there isn’t that burning desire then the hard days are just going to be so much harder.

I always post on these types of threads.

I'm a very happy only child with a very happy only child.

DH is one of three. Hasn't seen his sister in five years and has been estranged from his brother for 20. They loathe each other.

I love our calm happy life as a family of three. Siblings are no guarantee of lifelong friendships or shared experiences.

It's a huge taboo but at least two of my friends, after a few drinks, have said they regret having a second child.

@Chailatteplease maybe regret isn't the right word, maybe more if you could turn back time because I'm sure 99% of people love their children and when that child comes along but you can still regret you had stopped at one. As someone else said it is see as the norm to have more than 1 so I was just interested on people's perspectives and positives on having 2 when I feel there are a lot more potential negatives than positives that I can see.

Two here, boys, they really love each other and live playing together, but OH MY GOD, the fighting! It drives me mad. I really hate it, and they really properly fight. That does sometimes make me wish I’d only had one. But then, I do think ds1 would have hated that, especially as he was quite shy till about age 7-8 and hadn’t made friends properly at school. So having a sibling really helped then.
Also, I have no friends with kids his age. You need to really have strong friendships to stop kids being alone a lot now, as kids don’t often play out themselves in the street the way they used to, so when young they really rely on parents to facilitate those friendships. And that can be a lot of work. Having a sibling takes that pressure off as they have a default playmate.

I'm an only child, I have an only child (now nearly 4 and I have absolutely no intention of having another). He's fine, I was fine. My parents aren't close to their siblings. My partner isn't close to his. I don't want to go through pregnancy, newborn or toddler years again. And I was perfectly capable of playing on my own, and my son is too (up to a point).

You really, really don't have to have two children. It's fine.

I have two and it's just lovely seeing their bond - they love each other so fiercely. My second is also in many ways an easier child and has been a real joy.

However, logistically it's way more complicated. My older one now wants to do various after school activities and that means a lot of juggling as DS2 is too little to just sit and watch/wait.

When they were 3 and 1 especially, they were really hard work to look after and neither of us got very much time to ourselves because it was too much to look after both together very often.

I'm one of 3, so is my husband, I can't imagine life without my siblings, I'd have been pretty lonely without them. We decided to have 3 children too, they get along so well and it's so nice watching them grow together. I think it's quite mean to have only 1, no one to play with growing up, no one to have that shared childhood that you can tell funny stories about when you are older. Only children also tend to be spoilt and don't know how to share, I made this observation when I was still at school and still stand by this now I have my own children. So what you can buy your child more stuff or go on a more fancy holiday but to what extent does that benefit your child? I'd chose to have 2 and spend less on material stuff that doesn't matter, having a sibling to grow up with is far more important.

I think it's lovely when siblings do play together, but I don't think it's a gimmie. It will depend on age gap, personalities etc.

I have two. Late teens now. Watching them grow up and interact together has been the single best part of parenting.