Regret at having more than one child?

[Blueotterwhale]

Does anyone regret having more than 1 child?

We have one, love our life. I'm an only and never thought I would have an only but our life is so fulfilled with one. All I can think of is the negative side of 2, the fighting, not getting along less time, less money for fun things, no holiday every year, less free time for us etc.

We are at the point where we need to decide whether to add another (which of course might still not happen even if we want it to) but I'm feeling so conflicted. Can anyone provide experience of having 2 and the positives? Or just of having 1 and being glad you didn't have a second?

Please tell me it gets easier 😭

We are currently expecting our first and plan on only having one. We will be able to give it a great life, experience many wonderful things and do what we want (within reason) that a 2nd child probably will not afford us. This, of course, may change, but with one of us going part time and the other working away a fair bit, our hand may be forced.

Regardless of what you decide, if it is right for you and your family, it is the right decision.

I wanted 3 dh wanted 1 so we compromised on 2, I have to say they rarely argue, played great together when younger and even now happily chat to each other and go on nights out. Only 22 months between them.

my brother and I have 5 years between us and fought like cat and dog and don’t talk to each other as adults.

Meant for @Hangupsrus

I have two. I have zero regrets. Eldest has more severe needs, but he does like having a brother to game and play nerf with.
Both get the same amount of attention and care.
If your happy with one that's great.

I’ve never regretted my second child for a moment and they are an absolute blessing

i am still quite sure I’d have been just as happy with one child and life would have definitely been easier

Siblings don't necessarily play together or like each other.

This.

We had three because we wanted three - not three babies but three kids and then three adults. Did go loopy for a bit and want 4 but things happened and in end glad we stopped.

DH is an only child and had a perfectly happy childhood - but was more than happy to have three children. I think with three I cant smother them.

Ours are close together in age and as young kids were close - that's drifted a bit mid to late teens and there's nothing to say there'll be close as adults - I'm not with my siblings nor were my parents or IL - I hope they will be but it's not in my control.

If all you can think of are negatives probably an indication you have serious reservations and should probably not proceed. Three was is great for us - going form 1 to 2 was leap at the time though less than pfb - but people can and do have children they regret having and I think that's hard on everyone and shoudl if possible be avoided.

Have 2 DSs- they're young adults. 2.5 years apart.
Seeing their relationship develop has been one of the joys of parenthood. They are very different - one arty, one very STEM - but they have a great relationship full of fun, laughs and love for one another.
Growing up, having four of us was helpful - the dynamic meant that it wasn't 2 adults and one child, which can be overbearing for the child. The kids vs mum & dad can be a thing. Mix & match with one adult/ one child for activities is good too, if it turns out you have similar interests.

It's also nice for them to have a sibling perhaps after parents have gone, so long as they get on, of course? My brother and I don't have a close relationship (big age gap) and he lives far away. When my parents were ill/dying I had to shoulder all the responsibility myself, which was hard. I look rather enviously at DH's family who tag-team it with between the three siblings.

So no regrets having more than one. No.

Honestly I love having more then one. It’s hard I’m not going to sugar coat it but I do feel like my second just completed our little family. I always swore I’d only have one because my first child has additional needs and I worried how I would manage with another. The second is a handful in different ways but such a blessing(like my first). The problem is I really want a third now. Think I will probably stop at two but I think you always wonder what one more would be like.

I absolutely love having one my ds is 5 now and we do loads together! He is also very close to his cousins (DN age 6 sleeps over regularly) and I have friends with kids similar ages so he has loads of kids to play with. I only ever wanted one as hated having siblings myself! My brother has 3 and they are constantly fighting with each other, fighting for attention and the house is so chaotic. My DN loves coming to my nice calm house for some chill time with her cousin! My son is very confident with both other kids and adults and is good at making friends on holiday etc. Everyone is different though- some people love the hustle and bustle of a big family, personally I like a calm house!

I always find this question fascinating. We seriously considered stopping at one. My older DC was 4 when second DC arrived. Honestly, I did regret it at times over the first year, because life WAS so much harder - my older one had such a tough transition, and having a baby is just hard, isn't it? DC2 is 18 months now and I'm extremely happy we've done it. DC1 is doing really well too. But I think if we hadn't done it we'd have been happy too... I guess I might just always have wondered (I'm definitely done now, I don't have the same sense of umm, ahh that I had when I had one).

I have just the one, it was lovely getting out and about - often just the two of us, and always had friends to play and sleep overs. Now grown up, we have been able to help them buy a property - we could not have done this for two.

No regrets here.
I was very content with 1.
Dh talked me into having another.
Best decision we ever made.
Big age gap helped though. Don't think I'd have coped as well having them closer together.

You could have just as well asked "does anyone regret having just one? ". Your reply to that probably is "I definitely wouldn't regret having just one, I'm happy as it is!" which is the answer to your question, isn't it?
It doesn't sound as if you want two, so stick to the one you have and enjoy your life.

Currently pregnant with number 2. Reasons:

1. I just wanted another!
2. I felt DD would benefit from a playmate at home. Entertaining her all the time is lovely but very full-on.
3. I also thought she would benefit from learning to share etc with a sibling - she is getting a little bit spoilt at the moment because she’s used to our full attention being on her
4. I just couldn’t imagine her as an only - i always imagined her with a little sibling at Christmas, as teens etc

Will let you know how it’s going in a couple of years 🤣

I had one and now, at 58, my only regret in life is that I wish I had had another.
Our DD is everything to us, she is grown up now and we're so close, but I really wish she had a brother or sister.

I regret having two. Maybe that'll change in the future as things get easier but my relationship with my eldest has suffered and I'm absolutely crazy knackered. My body is ruined and I'm so so so tired

@TempsPerdu everything you say in your message I feel. The ease, the ability to still have a life outside being a mum and dad, getting up and going.

I love the freedom of 1, the ability to pour all my time into him, play with him and give him my whole attention. I love being able to ask him what he wants to eat or do or play and we do it, involve him in decisions. Everything is within reason but there is noone else to consider so it just feels so easy and simple. And financially we can do what we want within reason. Don't have to think about buying this or that, can we have this for dinner or can we afford an ice cream everytine we go to the park.

My biggest fear is having a child which has additional needs, dealing with them fighting all the time and not getting along. I don't want to live my life being a referee or waking up in the morning feeling dread because I have a day of fighting to deal with.

Most of my friends who have siblings don't even like them or talk to them. My husband and his brother have nothing to do with one another. For all the other parents dealing with this I am sorry because I can imagine this is the worst thing having children who don't like or want to talk to one another 😞

Thank you all for your input and thoughts. I don't have the burning desire to have a 2nd like I did with my first, I couldn't wait to be a mummy so maybe that is my answer. I guess 90% of the time I'm happy with the decision but I guess the 10% of wondering will still maybe always be there! Now I am not even bothered by a newborn baby but before I had my son I would be the baby hogger and hold everyone's babies, always want to be with them showering them with love etc. I loved him as a newborn and have enjoyed 95% of him because of course parenting is hard at times (he is 2.5) and being a mum to him but I do feel like I just want to pour everything we have into him and not divide my attention.

To the person who wrote there are 16 people in her children's class who are only's, this has also been a real insight as to only children becoming more normal as growing up I was defo not the norm being an only child so thank you.

I had that 10% feeling too and then my son had a rough start to school with very challenging behavior (temporary) At that moment I thought, I cant risk this being my life. Selfish probably, but honest

unburden yourself from the pressure of it, I still get asked WHEN ill have another not IF

My motto is, I'm having one and ill make him my absolute world. SO thats what im doing

Mine are close in age and it's the best decision we ever made. It was tough at first but now it's great.

We've got two, two years apart. Wouldn't have it any other way. They're a lovely little team and yeah, they do fight but they soon make up. Never regretted it.

It's really sad that you think it wouldn't be worth it if the children are not close in age. All age gaps can be lovely. Small age gaps are not always an option, and a lot of people don't want children that close together.

Mine are close together, so it was a rough couple years when my second was born. It calmed down afterwards though and it is really great now (they are 7 and 8). They went from fighting 90% of the time as toddlers to getting along 90% of the time and its really amazing to watch them. They keep themselves entertained all day. They get along with each others friends and they have very similar interests even though they are boy/girl.

We are well off financially and dont really have to cut down on holidays and fun things to do though. We considered a 3rd and decided against it for practical and financial reasons, so if a second will impact your life a lot, then i can understand why youre hesitant.

We uhhmed and ahhed a lot about adding a second. I think our life would have been perfectly enjoyable with one and DD happy either way, but we did decide to go for it and DD1 absolutely adores her little sister. I thought the novelty would have worn off but we are five months in and DD1 still just wants to be with her constantly and DD2 just lights up when DD1 is around. So it feels at least like it wasn't the 'wrong' thing to do, but ask me again in the teenage years!

It can be tough though - we have a 3-year age gap which I think is pretty perfect for us as DD1 is at nursery part-time and is also quite self-sufficient in a lot of way, which makes life a heck of a lot easier.

I was a happy only child, my DH has siblings but honestly is probably the temperament where he would have been just as happy (or even happier!) being an only child. So I definitely don't think there's anything weird or unusual about stopping at one. I think more people probably should tbh but are conditioned to think that 2+ is the ideal, even if their own mental health or financial circumstances or anything else aren't actually good enough to do justice to multiple children.

We have one.

I massively wrestled with the idea of having another for a few years but I just didn't want to do it all over again for many reasons. I found it so hard, physically and mentally and our marriage barely survived at times. I just felt like there were too many things conspiring against us. No family help, husband away with work a lot, me working full time, still dealing with post birth injuries years later etc!

I would only have been doing it for my child, who is massively sociable and would probably have loved it. Having said that, you never know what you're gonna get when you roll the dice.....they might have got on, they might have hated each other. I'm always interested to watch the dynamics between my friends who have more than one. There seems to be a lot of arguing and harangued parents.

Anyway I can't deny that life is probably way easier just having the one. In fact I was only thinking last night, how the hell do people coordinate more than one child's homework/clubs/social life etc? I am an introvert and I like calm, quiet and time to myself. I put on a bloody good show for our child who is an extrovert, but I just feel exhausted most of the time!

Interestingly only 2 couples from our 8 NCT group had another!