Regret at having more than one child?

[Blueotterwhale]

Does anyone regret having more than 1 child?

We have one, love our life. I'm an only and never thought I would have an only but our life is so fulfilled with one. All I can think of is the negative side of 2, the fighting, not getting along less time, less money for fun things, no holiday every year, less free time for us etc.

We are at the point where we need to decide whether to add another (which of course might still not happen even if we want it to) but I'm feeling so conflicted. Can anyone provide experience of having 2 and the positives? Or just of having 1 and being glad you didn't have a second?

I've got three and they're now 15DD, 12DD and 10DS and we've never really had fights. They're all great friends who spend all their time together at home and only had a few harsh words between them. That said, it's probably just luck that I've ended up with the fricking kids from Little House on the Prairie. My own sister and I were not close.

When I had my first I was convinced I only wanted 1. Until she got to around 18 months old , I kept going back and forth in my head as to whether I wanted a second or not. Now I have a 4 year old and 1 year old , having the second was the best thing I could have ever done.

My second happened by accident. She came far too soon and there's a small age gap between my two. They're both girls, both similar but also different. Yes they fight & argue but they're also protective and loving of one another. I'm glad we've got two.

I absolutely do not regret it but it is so much harder with 1 than with 2. I was a bit unprepared. 1 of us always has a child to deal with often we have one each 😂 there isn't anywhere near as much me time as before.
It's obvs harder to get babysitters when u have 2 and especially when they are little. Nursery was expensive. Mine are almost 3 now and 5, they are starting to play nicely together (still fight like cat and dog at times). The age gap was hard but now we are seeing the benefit of it. They like same things and do absolutely love each other to bits and miss each other. They played nicely at softplay yesterday while I had a tea and a break 👍

3 is out of the question but previously I liked the idea of it lol I still sometimes do but would like a bigger gap and not willing to be having kids closer to 40.

I couldn't ever have imagined only having one and glad we have them both but it has made me think that being an only wouldn't have been all that bad. They get so much more of your attention and you have more money to do things. It is so much more expensive with 2 but used to it now lol.

Previously I would never have considered only having 1. You sound like ur happy with what you have so just leave it as it is.

My eldest is so confident and friendly. She would have made a good only child but she's so sociable so not sure how that would have panned out.

I do agree about the emotional maturity amongst only children, they do seem to handle life a lot better and more sensible than children with siblings, especially if they have a lot of siblings. The onlies are so used to negotiate and see things from an adult perspective, whereas those with many siblings, or siblings close in age, will fight more with others rather than reason with them.

I think there are so many factors to consider.

For me, age is not on my side and that runs the higher risk of having a child who would have additional needs. I have seen mums confess that they love their child more than life but wish they had stopped at one.

I think I am also impacted by the PTSD of having a pregnancy and baby during lockdown. I dont know what a normal pregnancy and maternity leave looks like. I just remember the relentless boredom and isolation.

We are also focusing financially on our future and another three years of maternity leave and nursery fees are just not appealing.

I don't regret it at all BUT my two can truly fight. It is exhausting. So there are some days when just the one would seem alot easier and more peaceful.

Definitely have another, your 1st child will thank you for it when they are older. It's a gift for then to be able to experience sibling love and cherish all the memories even the fighting and someone to share the experience with when you and your husband are no longer around.

They can be there for each other and share the burden of helping parents in old age and support each other with loss. Most only children I know always wishes they had a sibling, they feel like they missed out on a relationship.

No, I don’t think that’s true. As one of 5 I’m very good at slotting into groups. I’m happy not to be the leader, and am quite an easygoing person. The onlies are used to their say holding more weight, so struggle more with group interactions and letting other people make decisions. They also seem to be more ‘serious’ and less in touch with their silly/fun side, which again is good and bad - good when a situation needs a serious approach. Maybe not so good in terms of being the life and soul of the party, they’re quite ‘intense’.

Cuppasoupmonster kind of agree with huge caveats due to personality and experiences - as DH as an only isnt always serious at all and never had issues working with groups.

I helped out with youngest with few nursery trips and it was very noticeable that of the children ones getting queues going and taking turns all had older siblings - to point in park trip we adults could step back a lot.

The nursery teachers weren't surprised they said at that age ones with older siblings did seem to be brought on a bit by them - and occasionally depending on age gaps with younger siblings they'd see it there as well.

I think generalisation probably don't hold - but people do have oddly fixed ideas about only and even middle children and try and apply them to everyone ignoring their circumstances.

I do agree that personalities play a huge part too, it's just from my experience looking at my own kids and their friends who are only children, they tend to act more grown-up, squabble less and speak in a more adult way from a young age to mid-teenage years. Once in upper secondary I can't say I have noticed as big of a difference. But that could of course just be the ones I have had the pleasure of getting to know, I realise there are exceptions.

I wouldn't necessarily say only children are more mature, I know one that is absolutely moddy coddled by her parents and another that is still spoon fed at 5l

Definitely have another, your 1st child will thank you for it when they are older.

As a partner of a person with 8 siblings I beg to differ!

@redjoker the poster meant one not a minibus full.

I'm only having one because tbh I don't like parenthood.

My dad says you have one and then you have another as a playmate for the first. Then you have a third incase anything happens to one of the other two. (I was the third 😂)

Both of my kids really wiped me out physically because pregnancy was very tough for me, but every single day I'm grateful I got the chance to have another. I think having a sibling is a unique experience which vastly benefits a child. It's a bond you have with no one else, and seeing my kids play together I am so glad we had the second. You can see what they are both getting out of it. They are so happy together. If I could have I'd have had four! But I like big families. Ours have a bit of a gap (4 years) which I thought might be an issue but it's really not. Maybe you're just not quite there yet. Don't rush into it if you're not sure, but I think it's very very unusual to ever regret having a child, and I have to say that my sister and I argue a lot but we have shared complicity and support I wouldn't give up for anything.

Should add that having a second has given us a new perspective on parenting, and we have appreciated things we missed the first time round because it was all new and overwhelming.

🙄

DH has one sibling. They don’t have a relationship and he’d rather be an only. His brother is selfish and the burden of care will fall to us because his brother can’t be arsed.

MIL is one of four. She likes two sisters but is only close with one. Doesn’t get on with the other sister. Burden of care is still on the eldest sister.

FIL is one of two. Gets on OK with his sister, they talk frequently but I don’t think they’re friends, they just talk because they’re brother and sister. Burden of care fell to his sister despite the fact that both moved away.

My dad is one of three. Gets along well with both his brothers, they all live locally to my grandma. However, burden of care isn’t even because one brother married a nurse.

My mum is one of three. Both her sisters died so she has no choice in the burden of care.

You don’t know what will happen, what your second child will be like so no, your first child might not thank you and the burden of care is almost certainly not likely to be shared.

I don't have any children but I do have some friends that are only child's n they are so needy n kinda weird

Quite happy as the DD of an only one, my Mum (one of 4) barely speaks to her siblings.
Quite happy as an only, I have never wished for a sibling.
Quite happy to have an only. He gets all he needs, physically and emotionally. We get to enjoy being parents while having mental, financial and physical breathing space.
DH has a sister. They are chalk and cheese. We see her once a year. She has no children but isn’t a devoted Auntie either.

People who think you need a sibling are weird.
Have another child if you long for one like you longed for the first.
Otherwise don’t. It makes no difference to anyone but you. Your DC won’t miss what they have never had.

The main problem with being an only IMO is that you can’t deal with conflict.
Siblings squabble and make up, so get used to this state of affairs. As an only it’s difficult to get used to fall outs and making up with friends.
DS has a friend who talks all kinds of rubbish, very seriously. We think he may be on the spectrum. Anyway poor DS takes what he says seriously too and gets upset. The friend’s sister on the other hand knows it’s her DB talking rubbish and just ignores.

ODFOD. This is just ugly, ignorant prejudice.

I have two only 16 months apart. The first year was honestly horrendous- going from 1-2 was infinitely harder than going from 0-1. But now they're 3 and 2 I LOVE it and am so glad we did it. They play together all the time, make each other laugh, cuddle- are just generally adorable.