Leaving 5 month old for 5 nights

[anotheronettc]

My husband is going on a work trip, all expenses paid, beautiful hotel in Italy. Lovely restaurants booked each evening and excursions. A place I've always wanted to visit.

I am employed by my husbands work and am invited on the trip as a plus one. Even though I'm on maternity leave looking after my five month old.

My sons grandparents are very involved in his life and have him often. Once overnight and he slept 10+ hours as he notmally does. He's bottle fed as I couldn't breast feed. He's a very calm happy baby.

Anyway.. everyone is saying I should go and make the most of the break to rest - as im suffering from a tilted pelvis and terrible back. However im in turmoil. Do I go or will I just be considered/and be an absolutely terrible mother. It's actually four nights but because of the time of the flight we would have to leave about 3 am so I'm counting it is five minutes. I know that this post will probably bring a lot of negativity my way people saying mean things however please be nice. Being a mother is a challenge and me and my husband haven't had a night together since my son was born so please don't come at me saying I'm a bad mum.

In my opinion you are far from a bad mum. Being a mum is tough! If a few nights away will do you good what's the harm. Baby is 5 months - a lot of them are in nursery at that age.

If it brings you back refreshed and well then that could only be good for baby. He will be loved and taken care of while you are away.

I would say go for it. Ignore any negative comments. Do what you feel is right for you.

Do what's right for you. Only you would
Know that. I personally couldn't leave for that long but everyone is different

It's not something we can answer for you

I know me missing my baby would over rule the pros in going but people may say I'm the one in the wrong for that opinion

It's really up to you x

Do it op!

We recently went to Cyprus for a wedding for 4 nights without DS (he was older, 1.5) but his sleeping had been terrible so I wasn't sure.
However it was lovely to get away and be a couple again. Don't get me wrong we missed him like crazy but he had a wonderful time with people who he liked being with. Also it's not like Italy is Australia in terms of flight times so you're really not all that far away.

I think you should enjoy it. You'll always feel a little guilty but he won't remember it anyway!

I know not everyone wants to leave their DC that young, but if you're comfortable to do it then sod what anyone else thinks anyway!

Thank you guys it's kind of what I thought I think people have mixed feelings about it. To be honest I feel okay about it by more worried about the judgement from other people. His grandparents are great with him and he absolutely loves them, I am slightly worried it might have an impact on him but I've looked at the flights and I know that if I missing too much or if anything happens then I can easily get back. Thank you for your kind words, I was slightly nervous I was going to be attacked on here!

You seem more preoccupied with what people might think rather than the fact you're leaving your 5month old baby for 5nights. If you feel you will enjoy yourself & your grandparents are up for looking after him then go for it. I personally couldn't leave a 5mo old for that long.
I'm sure lots of excursions and lovely restaurants will give your back and pelvis the rest it needs too. Enjoy.

What a fantastic opportunity - just go! Your child will obviously be completely fine, and you deserve a good trip & some adult time. You are a parent, not an indentured slave!

Ignore the people who are being passag saying 'go for it but I personally wouldn't do it'.

Only you know your child and his relationship he has with his grandparents, whether he has settled overnight without you before and how well they bond and care for him etc. So if you feel comfortable with all of that, take this wonderful opportunity and come back refreshed. The kind of people who would judge you for this are the kind of people would find anything to judge you on and do those kind of people really matter?

It is easier to leave them at the age than when they are older in my opinion. So long as all their needs are met.
And we all know you should see to your own oxygen mask first .
Go OP!
DH and l have a week away every year without dd - she has a family member look after her and the break does us all good.

Putting any judgement aside.
I wouldn't have been able to relax or enjoy myself away from my DD at that age for that length of time, I would probably still struggle now and she is 4.

So it really depends how you will feel, if you think you will enjoy it then go, but consider how you might feel if your DS becomes unwell when you are away.

@HelloRose wow, knew there would be one. Did I mention the nature of the excursions? yes, unfortunately mothers are judged so much (mainly by other women) whereas no one would bat an eyelid at a father going away. So yes, that sense of judgement is daunting along with my own anxiety of leaving him. But thank you for your passive aggressive, bitter comment you must be a very unhappy individual to speak to someone you don't even know, and a new mum, in such a way. Very constructive.

Thank you all but one (see above). I am completely open to people who say they wouldn't be able to do it and then offer some kind of constructive. But the passive aggressive judgement - don't get why women do that. Gross. Anyway, thanks for all of your advice and support - my back is so bad at the moment that I'm struggling to pick him up. He's a very heavy boy. So yes, I did mention restaurants and excursions etc (which include a bread making class lol) - but I won't be carrying a 18lb baby on my hip. X

@RIPWalter thank you and yes that is something I'm considering still. But I think if I thought like that I'd never go anywhere. But yes it's still a worry x

@catell01 thank you x

@Hbh17 thank you xx

I couldn't have done it at that age and my dc wouldn't have coped. However, I was BFing and both DC also had separation anxiety.

However, I do know people who have done it and not regretted it.

Only you can make the choice but make the choice that is right for you, not the choice you think satisfies or pacifies the opinions of people who don't have to live your life.

I don't think you are a bad mother at all, recharging your batteries is important. And it's so unfair that your husband would never be judged for going.

My main consideration would actually be that 5 nights is quite a lot for 1 set of grandparents, are you prepared that they might not want to be around so much if they don't have a good time of it? How would it affect your relationship with them if it didn't go well? Would you consider joining your husband for a slightly shorter trip, maybe coming back after 3 nights?

You mentioned you're worried that people will judge you - I am afraid that they definitely will. People like to gossip and to put others down to make themselves feel better. There's also the martyr mums who will preach to one and all how horrific your decision is and how they won't ever leave their child's side. I think if you want to be the kind of mum who puts herself first from time to time, you have to grow a thick skin to this. Somehow you have to make peace with knowing you are doing the right thing for your family and actually, really not care. Because if you do decide to go, and spend the whole time worrying what people think you won't come back any more rested or happy than when you went.

For what it's worth I really hope you go!

@ShowOfHands thank you for your advice. I completely agree with you x

Can’t he go with you?

Im not massively convinced DS would have noticed at 5 months - he would have at 9, he certainly would now at 22 months - but of course they do.

The main issue to me is that parenting doesn’t get easier - or it does, but harder in other ways, and I do think it’s good to acknowledge that life won’t be the same again, but not any the less enjoyable!

@LovingLifesHurdles thank you much for your lovely comment. Lots to think about there. His grandparents have one other grandchild who they basically raised during lock down as the parents were starting up there business and renovating there house. Baby was often left with them for long periods of time (not saying I agree with that completely) - but it reassures me that they know how hard babies can be.

I do think it's important to occasionally put your needs first - I think if a mum isn't ok then how can she care for her baby properly, I just feel slightly selfish and the length of the trip but yes I am considering maybe just doing two nights. But if I'm there and everything is fine I could stay longer.

Thank you again xx

You are right with the double standards OP... no one would bat an eye lid at the father being away for that length of time and age.

If you feel you can go and enjoy it then do. If you are leaving your baby where they will be safe and loved then I don't see why its anyone else's business.

OP as a very sleep deprived mum atm of a similar aged baby, please go and enjoy it! Someone said maybe go for three nights if that feels like a nice compromise?

I looked after my niece (before my own kids were here) for a similar time at that age and she was smothered with love the whole time, and my dsis got a nice break with her DH. In fact now I have two, such a break would almost be impossible so enjoy whilst you can!

also you sound like you don’t have any concerns about actually leaving him, more the judgements from other people but really don’t worry about that! Life’s too short!

@Neverfullycharged unfortunately he can't come as we have meetings and dinners we have to attend.
I get what you're saying. I suffered with baby blues for a while when my son was born, I had a very difficult delivery so recovery was really hard. I don't have my own mum to cry on so I felt lost for a while, like how will I ever do this! However things have got better and I'm really enjoying it now, I love him to pieces, I think you toughen up! but it's definitely not easy! no one can prepare you! X

@Chumbibi thanks lovely, yes I just feel conflicted about it all.
Don't get me wrong I'll miss him terribly and probably fly home early if I do go but it's nice to hear some experiences you've had with actually looking after the baby who has been left. Did the parents regret going and did they struggle to enjoy it? X

I'm not bitter and I'm very happy in life, sorry to report.
Enjoy your trip, I mean it. 5 days away baby-free with lots of meetings, dinners and excursions sounds like a great way to spend quality time with colleagues.

If you feel up to it then go. I had to do two 2 week courses when my eldest was slightly older. She was fine with dad and grandparents. I'm about to deploy for 4 months now they are 3 and 4 and although it will be difficult I know they are safe and happy with daddy and granny. Little one will be fine and it definately doesn't make you a bad/selfish mother xx