Leaving 5 month old for 5 nights

[anotheronettc]

My husband is going on a work trip, all expenses paid, beautiful hotel in Italy. Lovely restaurants booked each evening and excursions. A place I've always wanted to visit.

I am employed by my husbands work and am invited on the trip as a plus one. Even though I'm on maternity leave looking after my five month old.

My sons grandparents are very involved in his life and have him often. Once overnight and he slept 10+ hours as he notmally does. He's bottle fed as I couldn't breast feed. He's a very calm happy baby.

Anyway.. everyone is saying I should go and make the most of the break to rest - as im suffering from a tilted pelvis and terrible back. However im in turmoil. Do I go or will I just be considered/and be an absolutely terrible mother. It's actually four nights but because of the time of the flight we would have to leave about 3 am so I'm counting it is five minutes. I know that this post will probably bring a lot of negativity my way people saying mean things however please be nice. Being a mother is a challenge and me and my husband haven't had a night together since my son was born so please don't come at me saying I'm a bad mum.

I wouldn't go when my baby was that age. I just think the attachment at that age is too strong to leave them for 5 days, that's quite a chunk of time. Everyone is different though and I wouldn't judge a friend that did it.

Sounds like heaven get those flights booked.

@catell01 this 😂.

Follow your instincts on this one - whatever decisions you make in parenting someone will judge - that is just life. So the only thing you can do is follow what you think is best for you. Not what your husband thinks you should do, not what your inlaws think you should do, not what various different mumsnetters would do (because with all parenting and life decisions pretty much all spectrums are covered)

As I said they are the ones pushing me to go and I'm actually nervous to tell them that I might not.

This stands out for me - you need to sit down with them and your husband and say that you are the only one who can decide what you should do here and you need their support either way.

I actually do think you know what you want to do OP deep down

Could you go for a shorter time perhaps? 5 nights is a long time for a 5 month old. I personally wouldn't have done it, both my DC would have needed me for comfort at that age and however great grandparents are it's not the same as them having their mummy.

OP I think it'd be fine but I'm more concerned about you tbh - you sound pretty stressed out and you mention going to meetings etc. Are you sure it'll feel like the break you need rather than a work trip when you're actually on mat leave?

One of the reasons My ex h and I divorced was that for many years we did nothing together. We put 100% on the children. We had the occasional babysitter for a couple of hours but that was it. My xh continued to further his career and went on work trips and socialising. Infact he met his new wife at work.
Go away with your H and have fun. We have one go at life. Remind yourself as to why you fell in love with your H in the first place. Ignore the jealousy and martyrdom on this site.

Ignore the jealousy and martyrdom on this site

This is so annoying. Why do you attribute ‘having a different opinion to you’ to such negative motives?

I say if you feel you would be fine about it then go for it,

My DS is 2.5 and no one has ever offered to take him off my hands for even 1 night. Or 1 day even. 😳
Enjoy!

I think I'd have been ready at 5 months ... just make sure you take a breast pump if you're breastfeeding, as you'll need to pump and dump if you want your supply to keep going.

Is it easy to get back from if you need to come home early?

I think it is too long to leave such a young baby. It is likely that you (as mum) are your baby's primary attachment figure and removing this attachment for 5 days would be quite disruptive to your baby. There isn't so much judgement about dads going away because they are not usually the primary attachment for babies.

Absolutely do it. I'm cabin crew and I was back at work flying. Away regularly (part-time ) but still.

Leaving your baby in the care of loving grandparents whilst you take time for you & your relationship is good for your baby in so many ways.

It will be lovely for grandparents, help with your relationship, bring you both back bonded as a team (pregnancy & early months are hard on a marriage) and you will feel relaxed.

Lots of mums are back at work by 5 months leaving baby 8 hours + a day. Which is a 40 hour week and no one judges (or rather they shouldn't )

It is everyone's own choice how they parent but I would say some people have issues leaving their kids at all and that's not always healthy for either parent or child.

For clarity here I don't mean leaving with just anyone.
I mean a loving family member.

Go !! And gave a ball

OP

Just to say I had to go back to work and go to A training course 500 miles away for 8 days and then USA for 4 days - so away from home for 12 days straight when my first was 5
Months. I hated it at first but it meant

A) the bills were paid
B) I had loads of free time at home with them during the day on my days off
C) I earned good money so able to be very part-time

In fact my pal who worked in an office 9-5 compared hours & although I was away overnights, over a month I was home with my babies much more than her.

My babies were fine & happy & loved.

My kids are (young) adults now, they had wonderful relationships with grandparents & were not the annoying clingy kids one sees at school gates, weeping & wailing. They were sociable at nursery and happy to meet new people.

They were and are loved, are confident, resilient and world travellers.

Anxious parents create anxious babies. It's unsurprising to read some of the posters up above "can't" leave their kids yet 🤪 despite being nursery and school age.

Remember: it's an Internet forum - some (not all) of these women would kill for a trip like this. (Thus the judgement) The green-eyed monster is strong 😁
I dealt with it a lot!!

"Oh how can you bear it, I couldn't" type chat from other mums when mine were little.
How could I bear a couple of nights in a 5 star hotel in the Bahamas with a big bed to myself, no broken sleep, sunshine, glass of wine and then flying home to my babies.

Oh I could bear it just fine 🤣🤣 the envy ripped out of them, it was soooo obvious.

With their grim tired faces, and trips to Tesco with clinging screaming toddlers the highlight of their week and I couldn't leave him/her chat.

Sure babe.

Go! Have a ball.

As he is bottlefed and already sees a lot of his grandparents I think the baby will be fine so if you would like to go and feel ok about it then go! You know best how your baby will be and if you'll enjoy the break.

Righto @PrimroseWharf. It's wonderful advice that people on MN are allowed to have different opinions and must only express them in a timid, kind and self-deprecating way, always being respectful to other's feelings and only giving constructive criticism to the OP, not making them feel guilty, inadequate or like a neglectful person. I'll start doing that when others practice what they preach. Then I'll bow to your superior wisdom and scurry away, neck suitably wound in. Until then, off you pop

@MrsMinted I do apologise that you thought it appropriate to slate me in public but would rather I reply away from the gleeful eyes of others. Why on earth would I PM you to discuss such a matter when you obviously didn't afford me the same courtesy? Totally bizarre

OP I'm so sorry that people are making your decision so much harder. I sincerely hope you make the right decision for you and your family based on facts that only you and your loved ones will know.

I'm also sorry some people that other people have sought to hijack your post and make it about me and my comments, therefore taking away the focus from what your dilemma truly is.

Whatever you decide, I wish you all the luck in the world but no this, your child will love and adore you whether you take a short break or not.

@catell01 don't apologise, you haven't said anything wrong just calling out those who have quite clearly wanted to get digs in! X

@beachcitygirl thank you lovely, this is very reassuring x

Exactly this, as well as the pp who explained clearly why the person who has gone through pregnancy and labour and is now the main attachment figure for a 5 month old is different than the one who hasn’t and who is also out 7+ hours a day. Does that help, @catell01? I’m not stuck in the 1950s (work full time and earn more than my DH, shock horror!) but I still would not have wanted to leave my 5 month old for a 5 day holiday. That is not passive aggressive; in fact it’s very direct! I wouldn’t have wanted or been able to do that to me or him when he was still so young and so dependent on me. He was also ebf, not a brilliant sleeper and STRONG preference for me at that time even over his super engaged dad, who also took extended pat leave for 8 weeks; 1950s, indeed. But yes, OP clearly wants to go and so should go, and she clearly will. That’s fine! She asked for opinions and she got them.

I think it is a bit too long for both parents to be away, I think it would be hard for you but I do think it would affect your baby.
I'm assuming bringing the baby with you is not an option, as if it was I would do that.

Sorry, I see it isn't an option. This actually sounds like a networking trip and I'm not sure it would be as relaxing as you'd like!

When we were on our honeymoon in the Caribbean, we met another young couple who’d left their one year old with grandparents back in England for TWO weeks.

we thought they must be bad and peculiar parents.

a few years’ on, once we had our own babies. we thought, ‘those lucky bastards!’

Well.. thanks for all your comments guys.

My bag is packed. Saw my sons granny today (who will be having him) and seeing how great she is with him reassured me. She also said when my husband was 6 months she (and my husband's dad) went to France for two weeks without him..and my husband turned out fine lol.

People saying I always had my mind made up etc. Yes of course I wanted to go, it's a bloody amazing free trip where I can rest but also see a beautiful place. But it doesn't make it easy and I wanted advice as I was changing my mind every five mins.

Flying home early is on the cards if I can't do the full time there.

@anotheronettc
Have fun honey!!