Leaving 5 month old for 5 nights

[anotheronettc]

My husband is going on a work trip, all expenses paid, beautiful hotel in Italy. Lovely restaurants booked each evening and excursions. A place I've always wanted to visit.

I am employed by my husbands work and am invited on the trip as a plus one. Even though I'm on maternity leave looking after my five month old.

My sons grandparents are very involved in his life and have him often. Once overnight and he slept 10+ hours as he notmally does. He's bottle fed as I couldn't breast feed. He's a very calm happy baby.

Anyway.. everyone is saying I should go and make the most of the break to rest - as im suffering from a tilted pelvis and terrible back. However im in turmoil. Do I go or will I just be considered/and be an absolutely terrible mother. It's actually four nights but because of the time of the flight we would have to leave about 3 am so I'm counting it is five minutes. I know that this post will probably bring a lot of negativity my way people saying mean things however please be nice. Being a mother is a challenge and me and my husband haven't had a night together since my son was born so please don't come at me saying I'm a bad mum.

Not doing a good job of convincing people you're not bitter. Another subtle dig there that you obviously think we're all too thick to recognise. Pathetic

I couldn’t have done it then as was Bf’ing and tbh I would have missed her and would have been worrying a lot- but I was very emotional for the first six months post natally

but it’s a very personal decision - so if you feel baby and your grandparents and you would be ok then do it

people may judge but that’s their issue not yours

L left my 6 month old with his doting grandmothers for 19 night (5 nights each) for our honeymoon. It was fine. Amazing at first. Towards the end I was a dying to see him but that was so good for us. DS was absolutely fine. As were we. Only you can decide but yes, I'd deffo go for it. It actually becomes harder as they get older.

*10 nights!!!!!

If you haven't had a night away in the last 5 months, I wouldn't be jumping straight in for 5. It seems very young to me, but if you are confident he'll be happy then that's all that matters.

The only thing that matters here is what is right for you and your family. It sounds like the trip would work for you, so go and enjoy it. You will always be judged as a parent by people who make different choices to you. You'll drive yourself mad trying to parent how you think other people think you should!

I know people say never regret, but I regret all the times I haven’t done something due to how people would judge me. I missed out on a lot as a new mum. It pointless, if people are going to judge you, they’re not the people you want as friends. This sounds like an amazing opportunity, you baby will be loved and cared for as you know. Make the most of these opportunities, we didn’t have any overnight childcare and it’s been hard. This is a great way to get a bit of you back, being a person, having one to one time with your husband. They’ll be so many nights of you having to take turns staying up with sickness, comforting poorly children - make the most of the opportunity whilst you can! Have a great time, I am very jealous!!!

I couldn't. Not for that long

Why are people acting like OP is trying to justify dropping DC off at a crack den for a couple of weeks while she's off getting pissed every night, not having a care for her child's welfare?

Not a chance I’d have been able to, we were ebf though so maybe that’s clouding my judgement. I wouldn’t enjoy it, I don’t think I could relax with my child in another country. Still not had a full night apart now and she’s nearly 2 😂

I'm slightly confused. If it was any other job, you wouldn't travel for work purposes whilst on maternity leave. If you really want to visit that particular location, couldn't you visit as a family another time?

My personal opinion is that 5 nights away at 5 months is excessive, and you would likely feel as refreshed as you're going to after one or two nights of uninterrupted sleep.

Also, a previous poster was chided for being "judgemental", but the fact is, a tilted pelvis and dodgy back won't be soothed by crappy airline seats and a packed itinerary.

Not sure if it's a nice couples trip or will actually be pure work the more you mention it, if the latter then it wouldn't be worth it for me. But you might like your work more than I do 😆

Is it soon? As a sleep regression or separation anxiety kicking in could make things a lot trickier. But it's probably a good time to do it if it is soon and things are going well in that regard.

I wouldn't have been able to due to breastfeeding and incredibly strong mummy preference, but your circumstances aren't mine

Have you even got kids?

Tough one OP. I feel like you could regret not going, but I do agree with others about maybe shortening the trip?

I think it'll be good for you and your son. It's good for your son to get used to others being around him, especially for when he goes to nursery/a childminder one day. You will miss him but he'll be taken good care of and you deserve a break as looking after a baby 24/7 is hard work! Enjoy x

I couldn't but I still don't like leaving my children now and they are 7, 3 and 2. I have watched Dsis' children from when they have only been a few months old for upto 10 days at a time, and the Dc have been absolutely fine. If you think you will enjoy it, go 🙂

The baby is going to be fed, well loved and cared for while you are away. As PP have said its not like you are leaving your baby in a crack den (that made me giggle btw)

Judged if you do, judged if you don't with almost everything so screw what other people think. As long as it makes you and your family happy, isn't illegal or hurting anyone it really is naff all to do with anyone.

It sounds like your workplace are being a bit cheeky if you need to actually attend meetings/work whilst on maternity leave. I echo PP suggestion of taking baby with you and just don’t engage in the work side of things.

If you feel happy to do it, then you should.

Could I have done it at 5 months? No. But then mine were rubbish sleepers that I would not have inflicted on anyone and EBF and I didn't express for the first year.

I was a bit more clingy with mine at this age - not saying this is a good thing, but I would have been a wreck away for them for that long.

The baby will be just fine, which is the main thing.

This is the start of the mum guilt that you will have no matter what you do for the next few years! But don't let it stop you and your lo having some adventures. Sounds as though he has some great grandparents who will take good care of him and they will probably love having him too! If you can handle the mum guilt .... go and enjoy yourself knowing he will be happy with grandparents! Oh and ignore the judgemental people ... the only consideration for them should be if your lo will be well looked after .... if the answer is yes tell them where to go!

I think 5 nights is too long.

What choice would you make if no one would ever know that you'd done it? It sounds like an amazing trip and your DS will be absolutely fine with his grandparents. I'd do it in a heartbeat. Some people really fall into the mum martyr trap don't they!

Please please go. It sounds brilliant

Go as long as his grandparents won't mind and as you said he's used to them and happy, have a good time. X

She quite clearly says she's been invited as a plus one. The work element is her husband's responsibility, it meetings etc. Who said she's even allowed to take the child? Anyone ever actually Bern on a corporate 'jolly'? Yes, there may be a little work involved but there will also be dinners where you entertain clients/industry peers etc. If she goes, I'm assuming it's to support her husband as well as enjoying all that's laid on by the paying organisation and I'm pretty sure taking a 5 month old would not be a good addition to the situation (no offence, OP).

Even if I'm wrong and it's not such a corporate event, why is she not entitled to take advantage of all expenses paid, we'll earned break while her lovely in-laws have kindly offered to love and care for their child for 4/5 nights.

For those of you suggesting that they go another time 'as a family' are missing the point of a work/business trip. Plus the fact, what if they can't afford this kind of trip at the family budget.

Either scenario does not make her bad person or mother