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Original poster

What the fuck am I supposed to do now?

519 replies

Sleepfailires · 29/05/2022 00:58

18 month DS, tried to implement gentle sleep training. The problem is he refuses to sleep in his cot. He goes down OK but then wakes 2 hours later and refuses to go back in it.

Tried ‘gentle’ sleep training, me in the room with him stroking him and reassuring him.

He went absolutely berserk when I put him back down, screaming, thrashing around, I mean really hysterical screaming. Then after twenty minutes (and I was right by the cot) he vomited.

I am an absolute wreck, I am fat, my skin is grey, I am exhausted, broken, depressed, my relationship is suffering as we get no time together, we can’t think of having another child, my work is suffering. I don’t know what to do.

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quietnightmare · 29/05/2022 01:02

No idea. Stay strong op.

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Original poster
Sleepfailires · 29/05/2022 01:04

I am looking into sleep consultants but realistically they are probably all going to recommend ‘gentle’ sleep training involving gradual withdrawal and it doesn’t work. I obviously can’t leave him covered in vomit all night.

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worriedaboutmoney2022 · 29/05/2022 01:06

My son was exactly like this so I decided to co-sleep with him it was the total solution for us then I moved him to a cotbed in our room and then we decorated his bedroom and put up some LED lights and funky dinosaur 🦖 bedding and a mural on the wall and he's back in there as his new dinosaurs need "looking after"
I felt like you I was done in but we got there in the end xx

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Supermercado · 29/05/2022 01:07

I still dont understand why people have their babies in a cot in a different bedroom. He naturally wants to be around you and senses you're not there. Keep him in your room for now co sleeping so atleast hes not so distressed worrying that you're going to go away. Dont bother sleep training until older when they're more ready to have their own bed.

lameasahorse · 29/05/2022 01:09

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Original poster
Sleepfailires · 29/05/2022 01:12

I can’t function co sleeping. He thrashes around constantly, kicking, punching and still wakes up all the time. There is definitely an idealistic image on here of co sleeping: that the baby lies next to you sleeping peacefully. Mine is currently next to me and has been for half an hour. At the moment, his toenails are raking down my thigh over and over and his other leg repeatedly kicking my stomach.

I can’t live like that. I just have no idea what to actually do about it.

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lameasahorse · 29/05/2022 01:14

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DramaAlpaca · 29/05/2022 01:15

Oh gosh, I feel you, I've been there and it's awful.

OK. What you need to do is whatever it takes for you to get some decent sleep. For me it wasn't co-sleeping as DS wanted to sleep like a starfish so he got some sleep but I was pushed out one side and DH the other.

Bring in his cot to your room, next to your bed if you can so you can sooth if he wakes, and go from there. There's plenty of time to put him in his own room. Right now you need sleep, so forget any 'rules' and have him closer to you. It won't be forever, I promise.

Original poster
Sleepfailires · 29/05/2022 01:16

Well yes, that’s what I just tried and he got so worked up he vomited. That was supposed to be gentle sleep training. He’s screaming now when he’s in bed with me because I’ve put a pillow next to me to stop him using me as a literal punch bag.

Im honestly starting to think there’s something wrong with him.

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Original poster
Sleepfailires · 29/05/2022 01:16

Drsma he is literally next to me now and separated by a pillow and still screaming his head off. I’m at the point of despair.

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lameasahorse · 29/05/2022 01:18

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Original poster
Sleepfailires · 29/05/2022 01:19

I can’t leave him covered in sick, though, so not sure where that leaves me. I wish I could afford a night nanny.

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GetThatHelmetOn · 29/05/2022 01:21

It is difficult, but you need to put yourself first because you are the one who keeps the boat afloat and you cannot function well at work, as a mother or as a partner if you are totally sleep deprived. If he is healthy, clean and not hungry, nothing will happen if you let him cry himself to sleep while you are sitting next to the cot, eventually he will get it that the tantrum doesn’t get him out of the cot, and honestly, if you are consistent and do not take him out of the cot it will take only a few days.

Does he go to nursery? If so, and he goes to sleep well there, ask them how they do it down to the words they use to signal it is time for a nap. If you repeat it at home, he may find it easier to understand that bed time is what is next and it is not negotiable.

GetThatHelmetOn · 29/05/2022 01:22

So I will say, put him in clean clothes back to bed, and take a rest. Can his dad take over for an hour?

Original poster
Sleepfailires · 29/05/2022 01:22

He goes to sleep fine, but doesn’t stay that way.

You say nothing will happen, but it did, he was sick. I can’t really leave him covered in vomit.

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DramaAlpaca · 29/05/2022 01:22

OK, take him downstairs, keep the lights off if you can so he doesn't think it's waking up time, don't talk to him. Get both of you something to drink, have a cuddle then when he's calmed down take him back to bed and try again. For tonight, can you put the cot mattress on the floor by the bed?

You're right about co-sleeping being idealised, for many of us it isn't great.

Hawkins001 · 29/05/2022 01:22

All the best and positivity op, was the baby planned or unplanned ? The reason I ask, was if planned would their of been any classes that would of helped to prepare you ?

Supermercado · 29/05/2022 01:23

Put his cot next to your bed make it all comfortable for him so hes not so wound up make sure hes had a tiring day and make sure you've got snacks and a drink for him as he could be either or and then you might get some rest

lameasahorse · 29/05/2022 01:23

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ladydimitrescu · 29/05/2022 01:23

There's nothing wrong with him. I've been there, in fact I'm still there. My son is 5 and co sleeps with me still. He always goes down fine but from
Age 2 has suffered with horrific night terrors, and sleeping with me is the only way anyone sleeps. It's not ideal, he still has the nightmares but he settles so much better with me right here. It's completely natural for them
To need you for comfort and it won't be forever.

lameasahorse · 29/05/2022 01:24

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Jillybean13 · 29/05/2022 01:24

Could you try changing his cot to an actual bed? I know it's a bit earlier than most but it may be worth a try? Let him help pick his owl bedding and comfort teddy/item?

Original poster
Sleepfailires · 29/05/2022 01:24

I can’t put him back to bed - the mattress is wet.

I’ve really arsed up this sleep business Sad I’m not even tired any more, I’m just so fed up. I’ve had the grand sun total of an hour and a half.

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ladydimitrescu · 29/05/2022 01:24

And just to add I get smacked and kicked several times a night where he rolls all over the place, but you really do just get used to it!

GetThatHelmetOn · 29/05/2022 01:24

Of course not, how on Earth you are going to leave him covered in vomit? keep an eye on him just don’t change him and back to the cot straight away.