What the fuck am I supposed to do now?

[Sleepfailires]

18 month DS, tried to implement gentle sleep training. The problem is he refuses to sleep in his cot. He goes down OK but then wakes 2 hours later and refuses to go back in it.

Tried ‘gentle’ sleep training, me in the room with him stroking him and reassuring him.

He went absolutely berserk when I put him back down, screaming, thrashing around, I mean really hysterical screaming. Then after twenty minutes (and I was right by the cot) he vomited.

I am an absolute wreck, I am fat, my skin is grey, I am exhausted, broken, depressed, my relationship is suffering as we get no time together, we can’t think of having another child, my work is suffering. I don’t know what to do.

@Sleepfailires So happy to read your update, that's fantastic news!

I’m really pleased to read your update! Well done you for sticking that first night out.

Oh that is brilliant news.

I’ve read the full thread

Sorry OP I’m not saying this to offend you but he’s not sleeping because he’s ‘good’. He’s either sleeping through exhaustion or chances are he’s still waking up but he’s remembered that nobody answered to his cries so what’s the point in letting you know he needs you?

it’s been proven that babies who are sleep trained etc wake up just as much as any other baby they just know that nobody will come.

im not saying any of this to shame you (or anybody else) but I don’t understand how anyone can ignore their child to the point they vomit repeatedly and scream? It’s NATURAL for your baby to want to be with you, there’s nothing wrong with him.

im glad you’ve got some sleep. But he’s no different to any other baby who’s sleep trained.

@TiredEyes1991 he wasn’t ignored. That’s not what happened at all.

@TiredEyes1991 it’s been proven that babies who are sleep trained etc wake up just as much as any other baby they just know that nobody will come.

Literally has not been proved at all what are you talking about?!!

Realistically, there is no way that after 18 months of being responded to at night that one night ‘ignoring’ him would ‘teach him’ that no one comes, even if we had ignored him (we hadn’t.)

And like I say, he isn’t perfect and I don’t need him to be. He does sometimes wake at night and call out, other times he doesn’t. But he and I are getting proper rest and it’s made a huge difference.

And like I say, he isn’t perfect and I don’t need him to be. He does sometimes wake at night and call out, other times he doesn’t. But he and I are getting proper rest and it’s made a huge difference.

Top news OP.

Sleep makes such a difference. So pleased for you. Have a lovely life.

it’s been proven that babies who are sleep trained etc wake up just as much as any other baby they just know that nobody will come

@TiredEyes1991 this is a misinterpretation of the research.

All humans wake frequently throughout the night, that's biologically normal, we just mostly put ourselves back to sleep so quickly we don't even remember we woke. Babies who are sleep trained do not cry out in the night because they don't need to - like most adults they just go straight back to sleep without needing help. It's not that they've learnt no one will come, it's that they don't need anyone to come because they can go back to sleep by themselves. Babies who wake and cry in the night do so because they are unable to get back to sleep without help.

Not waking is not the goal. Not needing help is the goal. You've fundamentally misunderstood sleep training, the nature of sleep, and the research you've read.
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That's great OP, very glad to hear it. Sleep deprivation is an actual listed torture and anyone suffering it deserves massive sympathy. Hope that's you through to the other side with him now and that he's a little bit happier now he's well rested:)

OP well done you!! Enjoy your rest. Thank you for updating anyone who reads this in future when they're desperate will have hope x

Very well done OP xx

OP, please please please ignore @TiredEyes1991 and enjoy your success! A child who sleeps makes so much difference.

I sleep trained my daughter at 10 months. At three years old now, she sleeps through consistently but absolutely she will cry if she needs someone in the night (normally if she’s unwell). She hasn’t learned that no one comes if she cries, she’s learned that if she wakes up and doesn’t need anyone or anything, she can settle herself to sleep.

Sleep training was the best decision I ever made and improved my relationship with my daughter no end.

Wishing you many more peaceful nights x

Completely agree with your post. We sleep trained as well and one of the main benefits for all of us (besides the fact that we all get enough sleep every night) is that when our toddler does cry out in the night we know its for a reason (normally unwell) and are very quick to go to them and comfort/take care of the situation.

Getting enough sleep and having good sleep hygiene is one of the most important things we can do for our health and it was so important to us that we pass on healthy habits to our children which includes having a routine for sleep, making sure they listen to their bodies and rest when they need to and that bedtime is for sleep but that if they ever need anything, we will be right there to help them and comfort them.

This is great news! Thanks for coming back to let us know.

You sound so much happier OP. You sounded at breaking point before. Totally running on empty.

Hopefully life with your child is a totally different prospect now. It's stating the bleeding obvious but we all need sleep. Enjoy!!

So glad to see this! Long may it continue.

I've been avoiding MN for around a month now because it's so shite to deal with but am so pleased to read that you're making progress now, @Sleepfailires !
That's great news.
I hope now he's turned a corner and your sleep will be much improved from now on!

Such good news! I agree that you sound happier and I'm not surprised.

I'm so glad you're getting some sleep.