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Original poster

What the fuck am I supposed to do now?

519 replies

Sleepfailires · 29/05/2022 00:58

18 month DS, tried to implement gentle sleep training. The problem is he refuses to sleep in his cot. He goes down OK but then wakes 2 hours later and refuses to go back in it.

Tried ‘gentle’ sleep training, me in the room with him stroking him and reassuring him.

He went absolutely berserk when I put him back down, screaming, thrashing around, I mean really hysterical screaming. Then after twenty minutes (and I was right by the cot) he vomited.

I am an absolute wreck, I am fat, my skin is grey, I am exhausted, broken, depressed, my relationship is suffering as we get no time together, we can’t think of having another child, my work is suffering. I don’t know what to do.

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GetThatHelmetOn · 29/05/2022 01:25

Just change his clothes and back to the cot

lameasahorse · 29/05/2022 01:25

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Original poster
Sleepfailires · 29/05/2022 01:26

He wouldn’t really understand if I asked him to choose his own bedding. I think this is why it’s so hard, he doesn’t have the language skills for any sort of explanation or reason but he is old enough for the much loved co sleeping to be a big problem.

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Sleepfailires · 29/05/2022 01:26

The baby was planned Confused but you know, every single fucking one of the babies at those ‘classes’ sleeps without having a complete meltdown every night. It’s just me who is a shite parent.

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lameasahorse · 29/05/2022 01:28

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PennyFleck · 29/05/2022 01:28

It sounds counter productive, but mine found it easier when we moved out of a cot (less trapped?) And into a small bed.
Yes, she didn't sleep.through until she was five. Yes, she'd often (aged 4) drag her stuff onto the landing and sleep there. Aged 2-3 she'd regularly try to creep into bed with me. Would sleep on the floor at the foot of my bed, or even crawl in widthways at my feet.
Yes, it nearly broke me.
But now she's 11 and sleeps all night.
Her sister (now 16) slept like the proverbial baby since the beginning. Both BF, both the same.

Let noone tell you it's not really shit. But you'll make it through. Ignore all advice, do what works for you. I let mine sleep on the landing. She survived!

Supermercado · 29/05/2022 01:29

Sleepfailires · 29/05/2022 01:24

I can’t put him back to bed - the mattress is wet.

I’ve really arsed up this sleep business Sad I’m not even tired any more, I’m just so fed up. I’ve had the grand sun total of an hour and a half.

Uh oh...Didnt you have a mattress protector? Cant you put a few towels down over it and then a new bed sheet? You should move the cot to your room. Do you need to get him a new mattress now? Have you tried to guard a pillow or two between yourself and DS if co sleeping but still then in reach each other

Original poster
Sleepfailires · 29/05/2022 01:30

The problem is @PennyFleck if I do that I’m not going to be able to have another child.

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Original poster
Sleepfailires · 29/05/2022 01:30

If I put a pillow between us, he screams. Like I say, there is something very wrong here!

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Supermercado · 29/05/2022 01:31

PennyFleck · 29/05/2022 01:28

It sounds counter productive, but mine found it easier when we moved out of a cot (less trapped?) And into a small bed.
Yes, she didn't sleep.through until she was five. Yes, she'd often (aged 4) drag her stuff onto the landing and sleep there. Aged 2-3 she'd regularly try to creep into bed with me. Would sleep on the floor at the foot of my bed, or even crawl in widthways at my feet.
Yes, it nearly broke me.
But now she's 11 and sleeps all night.
Her sister (now 16) slept like the proverbial baby since the beginning. Both BF, both the same.

Let noone tell you it's not really shit. But you'll make it through. Ignore all advice, do what works for you. I let mine sleep on the landing. She survived!

People dont let their kids do that cos they could fall down the stairs in their sleep is also not hygienic

lameasahorse · 29/05/2022 01:32

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DramaAlpaca · 29/05/2022 01:32

Dear me, whether the baby was planned or not is irrelevant. And no classes can prepare you for a sleep averse baby.

As pp said, wipe down the mattress if you can.

Believe me, you are absolutely not a shite parent.

MolliciousIntent · 29/05/2022 01:32

"gentle" sleep training doesn't work for some babies because they get utterly enraged that you're there but not giving them what they want.

Try being less gentle, leave him to cry and check in at intervals. If he's sick, clean him up and keep at it.

Supermercado · 29/05/2022 01:32

Sleepfailires · 29/05/2022 01:30

If I put a pillow between us, he screams. Like I say, there is something very wrong here!

Have you tried putting a bit of duvet between you so he might not see it as you putting something between you and just something that is there that is expected that he cant do anything about

JMill13 · 29/05/2022 01:34

You are not a shite parent.
I have a 20 month old and his sleep is shite too. They don't overly understand picking their own things but they do still like to be involved.

Even give just 2 options...would you like dinosaurs or the gruffalo? Then whichever he points at go with those. It will take time and a lot of persistence and effort to get to the point where you are both comfortable. Try a nightlight? A teddy/toy/blanket. Hopefully the sickness was a once off or even if he does it a few times if you're consistent with it he should eventually learn that you're still there but he's safe. 18 months was peak separation anxiety for my boy so could be a bit of that. Think there's a supposed sleep regression around this age too. You got this mama!

lameasahorse · 29/05/2022 01:34

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Original poster
Sleepfailires · 29/05/2022 01:34

Yeah, I have tried, @Supermercado , I really have. I just want a bit of space, but it is not to be.

thanks @DramaAlpaca

will have to try again @MolliciousIntent , not tonight but some time.’just don’t know how this is ever going to improve. People saying …
oh yeah my five year old doesn’t sleep through and it’s FINE … to me that’s not fine Sad

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anothernamedoesntsmellsosweet · 29/05/2022 01:36

You are not a shit parent. I had 3 DDs. 1st and 2nd slept perfectly, did the same things with the 3rd and she didn't sleep through the night until she was 3. I was beyond exhausted. There is a reason that sleep deprivation was used as a further device. I think you need to try the gentle sleep training again. Keep consistent for a few days. Strong willed children are awesome. They won't take no for an answer so they will achieve greatness. We just have to survive raising them first. Good luck op. You are not a failure, you are tired x

lameasahorse · 29/05/2022 01:37

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anothernamedoesntsmellsosweet · 29/05/2022 01:37

*torture not further!

QuestionableMouse · 29/05/2022 01:37

Is he quite big/tall? Wondering if he feels cramped in the cot and might do better in a toddler bed. Do you have space to have the cot next to your bed, perhaps with one side off so he can see/touch you but has his own space? A footed onesie/sleep suit helps with nails because it'll keep his feet covered!

You've not done anything wrong, he won't remember it and will be in his own bed soon!

Bobbleballbags · 29/05/2022 01:38

Op it's so so hard when you're this exhausted. I'm sorry because I really have no advice to offer, I just wanted you to know you're not alone in going through this and you're definitely not a shit parent.

lameasahorse · 29/05/2022 01:39

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Original poster
Sleepfailires · 29/05/2022 01:40

He’s tiny - not a big baby at all.

I don’t think I have the stomach to do it

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DramaAlpaca · 29/05/2022 01:40

Lovely OP, I have to go to bed now. I won't have a small child annoying me, but a snoring DH and a hopeful spaniel who will try to get on the bed then compete with DH on the snoring.

I hope your little fella settles down for you soon and that you get some much needed rest.