Who do I choose? Screaming newborn or screaming toddler at bedtime?

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I have a 1 week old son and a 2 year old daughter. My partner goes to yoga at night so I’m in charge of bedtime for both. Have been having a go at it for the last two nights and I’m in tears each night because I’m failing.

My newborn is incredibly unsettled in the evenings which is completely normal. My toddler has been on a great schedule which I have worked so hard on.

Last night I gave up on putting her to bed because I didn’t want to let my newborn scream. Tonight I let the newborn fuss while I did the toddler and because I had to try and do her bedtime quickly, she is now screaming out for cuddles.

I can’t handle both screaming but clearly I need to pick one. I feel so horrible for letting the newborn fuss and cry, and for letting my newborn cry emotionally for cuddles.

Who do I prioritise? I honestly feel like such a failure.

Could you put the newborn in a stretchy wrap?

Surely your partner should step up and stop yoga for a little while. Things get easier as time goes by and then yoga can restart.

I should also say that sounds really tough for you. Especially so close to giving birth. Sorry you are having to juggle like this!

Can’t your partner just not go to yoga every night when you have a 1 week old?

otherwise in future they put toddler to bed before or afterwards as yoga is 45mins max.

if they insist on going, I would just leave toddler to watch tv and play an extra hour whilst your with baby and partner will just have to deal with overtired toddler when home

You’re not a failure. This is hard.

what does the smallest need? Can you put them in a sling for cuddles whilst you do bedtime?

I got very good at rocking a screaming newborn whilst reading a book to my eldest. It does eventually get better.

does your partner have to go to yoga? I think they should be prioritising supporting you right now

Newborn joins you for bedtime, surely? You don't need to leave either. At that age newborn goes wherever the parent goes, ie in your arms for storytime etc with toddler. Yes it's a bit more hectic but it can be a lovely time too.

Why is your partner going to yoga every night at bedtime? That's insane. With a one week old you need all hands on deck and bedtime is crunch time with little ones. Our 3 are older and DH and I still try our best to both be there for bedtime to lend a hand.

It sounds like your partner needs to give up yoga for a while or find a later class.

Could you put new born in a sling while doing toddler bedtime?

Agree with everyone, yoga can be ditched for the next month or two. Easy enough to do a yoga youtube at home once both are in bed.

If that’s not an option then my suggestion is to use TV/tablet to keep the toddler occupied while you keep the newborn reasonably settled and then partner gets toddler to bed once home.

Is your partner the baby’s parent?

It will get better, but newborns are demanding and you are keyed to respond to their screaming.

Its not a failture to not be able to do multiple things at once! Please don't be hard on yourself.

The obvious solution is partner need to temporarily reduce their yoga schedule to help until the newborn is more settled in the evening. Unless it's their job?

If your parter could do yoga every other day you could try just doing the bath on the evenings they are there, and no bath on the day they are not. We do every other baths these days and my DD adjusted fine to the reduced bath at bedtime. Is it worth a go?

Why the hell is your partner going to yoga every night when you have a newborn baby?!

I'm another who thinks your DH needs to change his routine. He's being incredibly selfish.
It will get easier in time but your Dtoddler is also adjusting to not having your sole attention. The have a competitor. A small noisy helpless competitor.

Congratulations on your new addition!

I sling the baby while doing toddler bedtime.

But really, your partner needs to give yoga a break for a few weeks. This is a hugely sensitive time for both your kids. Your newborn needs constant cuddles and attention to thrive, and your toddler needs to feel like she's still your priority. Bedtimes should be divide and conquer for at least the first couple of months.

I agree with the others. Your partner needs to give up on yoga for a while or find a class at a different time if it's upsetting you so much.

I'd get the baby to sleep before the toddler if the toddler will be relaxed while they wait, so they don't feel like they're missing out on your special time with baby. I know you're just getting baby to bed but the toddler won't understand that.

Why is your partner going to yoga every night?

But some kind of wrap or carrier I think for the newborn will be very helpful

@Sodthatforagameofsoldiers he says he needs it as time for him, for sanity etc.

I tried taking the newborn in last night with the 2 year old. He won’t be put down without screaming his head off. Which is normal for a newborn who was a week overdue and did not want to leave the womb without an induction. The poor little guy. So my daughter was worried and wouldn’t wind down. Which is also understandable.

it would also be hard to give her the cuddles she wants without crushing the newborn. The toddler has some serious heft behind her now.

So you’re saying to just adjust the routine, less cuddles? A book maybe?

I don’t think I can get DH to adjust his plans. Yoga is 90 mins and 30 mins travel either side.

Really don’t know how I’ll survive this.

Eh? Sling the baby, put the toddler in front of the TV or skip the yoga for a bit.

Your DH is a phenomenal twat. Seriously. He needs to step the fuck up or get the fuck out.

He is away for 2.5 hours because he needs time for his own sanity.

That simply isnt something that can happen every single night. I think one night where he does it is fine but the others he needs to step up

Because the rest of his family need him too and are suffering - he is expecting his 2 year old who is adjusting to a brother to change her routine

You really arent selling him OP

WTF??!!?? Are you getting 2 hours of you time every day as well??

He needs to stop going until the new born is more settled. He could do an online class or something later if he must.

I mean this kindly, but what on earth is your DH playing at. 2.5hrs a night with a newborn isn’t happening, it’s unfair on you all, especially your toddler who will be confused enough as it is!
if he won’t give it up then he needs to be paying for or arranging a sitter to help.

though second borns are fairly hardy-sling and cuddle your toddler should be okay 😊

Your OH is taking the absolute piss. Put your foot down and ask him to contribute to the parenting of HIS children.

Jesus, hes taking 2 hours every day for himself at the most difficult time of the day? That's not a luxury you get when you're a parent, especially to a newborn!
I'd be giving him all his time back and telling him to go stay with his parents until he's ready to be an actual adult again, what a twat!!

I don’t think I can get DH to adjust his plans. Yoga is 90 mins and 30 mins travel either side.

So he is out of the house for two and a half hours every evening?

This is completely out of order. When do you get two and a half hours to yourself?

I would feel inclined to keep the toddler up until he gets back then leave him to deal with her. Or leave him in charge of her for two and a half hours every day at some other time for your sanity.

After all, he was part of the decision making process to have another child.

I just used to pick the baby up and put both toddlers (1 and 2 years old) on my knee. They just want close contact at that age. The baby in particular should be happy if they are just up against you.

This might be the most male-privileged, selfish thing I've ever seen. One week old and he's swanning off every night for fucking yoga! The fuck!

Break it to him that "me time" is a year or so away. It's all hands to the pump now.

Our DC2 had the witching hour for 3 months (I think). Fucking nightmare in the evening. Would have really traumatised DC1 if there hadn't been two of us.