Who do I choose? Screaming newborn or screaming toddler at bedtime?

[disappearie]

I have a 1 week old son and a 2 year old daughter. My partner goes to yoga at night so I’m in charge of bedtime for both. Have been having a go at it for the last two nights and I’m in tears each night because I’m failing.

My newborn is incredibly unsettled in the evenings which is completely normal. My toddler has been on a great schedule which I have worked so hard on.

Last night I gave up on putting her to bed because I didn’t want to let my newborn scream. Tonight I let the newborn fuss while I did the toddler and because I had to try and do her bedtime quickly, she is now screaming out for cuddles.

I can’t handle both screaming but clearly I need to pick one. I feel so horrible for letting the newborn fuss and cry, and for letting my newborn cry emotionally for cuddles.

Who do I prioritise? I honestly feel like such a failure.

This has to be a joke? Sorry if this is real
OP

Yoga needs to STOP immediately. That’s ridiculous nobody needs to go daily it’s pure selfishness

Your DH is a selfish prick. Tell him to shape up or leave. You are better off on your own than with someone so utterly selfish.

Good grief. He needs to be at home with his babies! If he absolutely has to do the yoga, can't he do it on his own at home once they're settled?

Jesus Christ!!! Your partner is a selfish twat. I thought mine was bad, he fucks off to football and another hobby a couple of times a week and we have an 8 month old. Every night for 2.5 hours? You may as well be a single parent if he's prioritising himself that much. I'm actually angry for you.

Oh poor him he needs the time for himself. Wanker. What about his wife at home with two young children at ONE WEEK POSTPARTUM.

Option, for now in my order of preference;

1. Dh stops been a dick and helps with bedtime

1. Baby in strachey wrap, you sit on toddlers bed and do book/ stroke her hair but don't lie down for cuddles

1. Bring both into your bed, you lie in the middle and cuddle one on each side. Once asleep you can move newborn to wherever she normally sleeps without waking.

Once baby gets older and can be put down when asleep/ sleeps long enough to give you usable time, I'd put cartoons on for toddler while you settle baby, then do toddlers bedtime while baby sleeps

Is your DH doing anything else?
Prepping your meal before he goes?
looking after the toddler during hte day?
Doing laundry, cleaning etc?
Getting up with the toddler in the morning?
Getting up at night for wither of them?
Does he work?
Even if yes to all the above, he absolutely should not be leaving you for 2.5 hrs every evening at the hardest time of the day to cope with a newborn and a toddler. He is being unbelievably selfish.

Yoga needs to be rescheduled for the moment. For your sanity.
Your partner being away for two and a half hours five evenings a week is too much right now.

What about your sanity - as so many have said, he needs to step up and change his routine. At least until the baby gets a little older.

I do hope this isnt indicative of his general attitude towards his role as a parent and in your life......

And will be too much for a long time now you have small children tbh.

Your DH needs to pull his weight. Do yoga at a different time or get him to half the number of times he goes.

You and your family need his support.

Are you breastfeeding? My DS used to feel all
evening at that age, so I’d probably bring him with me and feed him through the toddler bedtime. Then baby will be calm and hopefully your daughter will settle.

Would a new,special teddy for your daughter to cuddle at bedtime help? So you could read a story whilst feeding baby and she cuddles the teddy?

I appreciate it must be so difficult to juggle both! Hope your DH sees sense and pitches in more.

2.5 hours 5 days a week? Bloody hell. If it was once or twice it might be acceptable, but this is ridiculous. He needs to reduce his hours or do yoga at home, once the children are settled.

As for coping with a newborn and toddler, you carry the newborn and learn to do everything one-handed. It's not difficult once you get the hang of it.

I hate to say it OP but you've got bigger problems than which child to prioritise at bedtime.

he says he needs it as time for him, for sanity etc.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHABAHAHAHABABABABAHAHA

WTAF. 5 nights a week. 90 min class plus a long drive. He can get fucked.

Mental health is important, but he can do an online class after the toddler is in bed ffs.

If this is even remotely true, I would choose divorce.

Jesus, OP, open your eyes. Your 'D'H is willingly leaving you all to suffer and struggle. What an absolute wanker, a selfish one at that. I can't wrap my head round this.

Please LTB!

This can’t be real.

you’re at home with two very young children whilst your husband does yoga for 2.5 hours?!

What @MolliciousIntent said. Unfortunately when one partner needs time for sanity it is us usually at major expense of the other. You both need to pull together at this tricky age! Get him to step up

Yup phenomenal twat sums this up

Let them stay up later and let DH put them to bed after yoga

Your partner has a newborn baby. He /she cannot possibly go to yoga every night at this stage and you need to make that clear.

Having said that there will be many times when there is just one parent at home and then I say Toddler. Almost always sort toddler out first unless the baby is ill.
I learnt this after having the same dilemma. You are used to instantly going to a crying baby and it's hard. However you will find that very often after you've settled the toddler the baby has stopped crying and gone to sleep.

ok @disappearie so you are not pushing the Yoga because you are afraid that if you do he will start drinking - even though he is drinking at the weekends. So the nights he doesnt do Yoga are the ones he drinks in.

So everything is beholden to him and his alcohol issue. If he is drinking at the weekend he hasnt got a handle on it.

You are forcing your children to adapt around the his needs and his drinking problem

As an immediate practical option I'd put toddler to bed in your bed, with you and baby beside. Lift toddler to their own bed later (heavy lifting to be done by DH if difficult for you post-partum, but you'll probably find toddler will walk it half asleep if you guide her.)

Sorry, your partner is out of the house EVERY evening for 2.5 hours when you have a 1 week old child?

Your main problem here is your partner is a selfish twat. Completely inconsiderate and just down right disrespectful of him to do this to you. Absolutely gobsmacked that someone would have the audacity to be so bloody selfish, im fully outraged for you.

You need to sit him down and have a conversation about this. His behaviour is not in anyway normal.

You're being pushed to breaking point by the person who is meant to be supporting you and with you raising these children.