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Original poster

Can I move our children away?

327 replies

CrazyCatLady00 · 09/05/2022 17:06

My kids dad keeps threatening court action as I’m moving our DC 2.5hrs away. He says he can stop me?

im moving to be near family so I will have that support and be able to give our DC a better life. I’ve always said that I’d never stop him seeing them but he is saying that I will break his bond with the DC, even though I’ve said he can have them all school holidays.

He works over 24/7 so weekends are not always an option.

OP posts:
VimFuego101 · 09/05/2022 17:08

How often does he see them currently? He can get a prohibited steps order to prevent the move if it will impact on his contact.

Original poster
CrazyCatLady00 · 09/05/2022 17:24

About once or twice a week

OP posts:
trevthecat · 09/05/2022 17:36

He can apply to a court to stop you. They will take all the information and decide where the children should live. Either with you where you are now, or with you where you want to move.

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ChocolateHippo · 09/05/2022 17:55

In reality, unless he's willing to be primary carer, any threats he makes are fundamentally toothless. Because he can't stop you moving, only the children - you're not his unpaid nanny. In your situation, I would move asap and let him take you to court afterwards. The court won't make you move back, they'll only consider transferring primary residency to him, which won't work if he works 24/7 and is unwilling to be primary carer.

Original poster
CrazyCatLady00 · 09/05/2022 18:18

I should also mention that I am a carer for my eldest son. Not sure if that would make a difference?

OP posts:
MolliciousIntent · 09/05/2022 18:49

I actually think it's pretty shit of you to move your children so far away from a parent who wants to be involved with them, who currently sees them multiple times a week. They deserve a good relationship with their father and whatever you say, if they only get to see him every 6 weeks or less, the relationship will suffer. I'm assuming you're not prepared to drive them back to see him every week?

How will you explain this to your kids when they're adults and ask why you chose to stop them seeing their dad? It was more important to me to be close to my family than for you to be close to your father?

My mother did this to us when we were children, she made our lives worse to make hers better and it took til we were adults to regain that closeness with our dad, even though we saw him every holiday. I haven't forgiven her, and neither has my sibling.

MolliciousIntent · 09/05/2022 18:51

And let's be honest, you're not really going to let him have them all school holidays, so you never get any time off with them, are you? So he'll end up seeing his children a handful of weeks a year. Would you let that happen to you?

Imsittinginthekitchensink · 09/05/2022 18:52

My ex moved away (DD lived with me and used to see him EOW and a night in the week). As part of the divorce the order was that he had to pay for and do all the travelling for access, as he had been the one to move.

Sososobored · 09/05/2022 19:02

If you need more support is that something you could talk to him about? He might be restricted in making changes quickly but perhaps could consider changing his working hours long term.
I wouldn't move my children away from their dad but perhaps you are feeling desperate. Would he help you think about options?

Original poster
CrazyCatLady00 · 09/05/2022 19:47

@Sososobored unfortunately not as he is a pilot so will often go away for days at a time. So him changing his work hours is only possible if he comes out of that industry, which he won’t do.

@MolliciousIntent As mentioned above, their dad often works away. I have absolutely no support network where I am, so if me or the DC are ill etc, I have nobody to call upon or help me. So yeah, if that’s shit of me to wanting to move back to my home town so I have that support network then so be it. Happy mum = happy kids. Did you ever think to ask your mum why she moved away, or did you just judge her?

OP posts:
Littlefish · 09/05/2022 19:50

I think that generally, the person who moves away is then responsible for getting the children to the non-resident parent for visits.

I appreciate that you need/want support, but I think that it's wrong to move your children away from the other parent, particularly if he is involved and sees them regularly.

Are you prepared to drive them back to see him every week?

Madwomanuptheroad29 · 09/05/2022 19:53

I suppose court could direct you to transport the children to contact once or twice a week. It would be best to find an amicable solution without the need for court.
But in a situation where there is an established relationship with frequent contact I would expect the courts to take the view that continuation of same is in the best interest of the children.

Original poster
CrazyCatLady00 · 09/05/2022 19:54

@Littlefish he has already said that he will just see them school holidays 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
cherrymax · 09/05/2022 19:54

This is a very good point about contact. Much of the responsibility will be on the parent that moved to do transport for contact or at least move halfway.

Unless there really was no option, I don't think it's fair as it will impact the relationship.

How did you end up living where you are? Had you ever talked about moving closer to your family?

cherrymax · 09/05/2022 19:55

Meet halfway not move!

cherrymax · 09/05/2022 19:56

CrazyCatLady00 · 09/05/2022 19:54

@Littlefish he has already said that he will just see them school holidays 🤷🏻‍♀️

Not sure what other choice he has tbh. It's not fair on the kids to make them do 5 hours travel every weekend. They'd be exhausted.

Madwomanuptheroad29 · 09/05/2022 19:56

So if he has indicated that he is Co tent to just see them during holidays what s the issue?
Seems you have come to an amicable agreement without the need for court.

Littlefish · 09/05/2022 19:56

CrazyCatLady00 · 09/05/2022 19:54

@Littlefish he has already said that he will just see them school holidays 🤷🏻‍♀️

That's not what you said in your opening comment. You said that you'd told him he could have them in the holidays.

This means he'll go up to 8 weeks at a time without seeing them. No wonder he's saying that you moving will damage his bond with his children.

Mumoftwoinprimary · 09/05/2022 19:58

Happy mum = happy kids

That isn’t necessarily true. You are taking away one of their parents. They could be very unhappy indeed.

ChocolateHippo · 09/05/2022 19:59

CrazyCatLady00 · 09/05/2022 18:18

I should also mention that I am a carer for my eldest son. Not sure if that would make a difference?

You do what you need to do to get by. Unless he's willing to step up as primary carer or at least be around more to give you respite (and it sounds like he isn't if that would require him to change his job), then he doesn't really have a leg to stand on. You're the one making the sacrifices to provide most of the care for these children. He can always choose to move to be nearer to you (and your support network) if he's bothered. Or he can make you an offer to pay extra maintenance so you can buy in help when he's away in exchange for you not moving. Why should you bear the burden mostly on your own?

MolliciousIntent · 09/05/2022 20:01

@CrazyCatLady00 she basically said the exact same thing as you - that she wanted more support so she moved back to her family. She didn't care that it meant we'd only get to see our dad 6 times a year (at the most), she only cared that it made her life less difficult.

Your kids see their dad once or twice a week. You want them to go from that to seeing him once every two or three months, so that you can have someone to pick them up for you. Can you seriously say that this is in your children's best interests? Because I can tell you, it's going to ruin their relationship with their dad. It's selfish.

AliceW89 · 09/05/2022 20:02

How can he be simultaneously threatening court action to stop you from moving and happy to only see them in holidays? Your OP and follow up posts contradict each other.

If he’s happy for you to move and have holiday contact then crack on. If he’s not happy for you to move and sees the kids twice a week I think it’s entirely reasonable he looks at all legal avenues.

Original poster
CrazyCatLady00 · 09/05/2022 20:02

@Madwomanuptheroad29 he is amicable one minute and helping with schools, then the next he’s threatening to take me to court to stop me moving.

@Littlefish yes I said that in my opening comment because that’s what we had agreed to. They may go for 8 weeks without seeing their dad but then they would have the school holidays with him which he manages to book off. So actually he would get more quality time with them then he currently does.

OP posts:
Pyewhacket · 09/05/2022 20:03

MolliciousIntent · 09/05/2022 18:51

And let's be honest, you're not really going to let him have them all school holidays, so you never get any time off with them, are you? So he'll end up seeing his children a handful of weeks a year. Would you let that happen to you?

This is the reality of it. ....

ChocolateHippo · 09/05/2022 20:05

MolliciousIntent · 09/05/2022 20:01

@CrazyCatLady00 she basically said the exact same thing as you - that she wanted more support so she moved back to her family. She didn't care that it meant we'd only get to see our dad 6 times a year (at the most), she only cared that it made her life less difficult.

Your kids see their dad once or twice a week. You want them to go from that to seeing him once every two or three months, so that you can have someone to pick them up for you. Can you seriously say that this is in your children's best interests? Because I can tell you, it's going to ruin their relationship with their dad. It's selfish.

It's not in their best interests for their main carer to have a breakdown due to lack of support either.